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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can I report

43 replies

Earlymorningworrier · 02/02/2016 07:19

Hi,

I was having an argument with my ex partner about things to do with our child in a public place. He started raising his voice and getting aggressive so I tried to back away and asked him to go but he insisted on following me. I'm not proud but I then attempted to push him away from me because I panicked and he dragged me to the ground by my hair.

Would I be able to, and indeed should I report him for assault? It's not the first time he's intentionally hurt me but I feel like I provoked it.

It's also now been a few days since it happened so I'm worried the police might think I was making it up.

OP posts:

Mandatorymongoose · 02/02/2016 07:36

If it was in public might there be cctv? Or any witnesses?

Either way, of course you can report it. You attempting to push him doesn't mean he's allowed to assault you, he wasn't just using reasonable and proportionate force to escape or anything, he was just assaulting you, out of anger. He could report you in turn for pushing him though.

Littleelffriend · 02/02/2016 07:39

You will both get charged with assault

Nottodaythankyouorever · 02/02/2016 07:40

He could just as easily report you. Not that that is excusing his behaviour.

Neither of you have covered yourself in glory.

MoominPie22 · 02/02/2016 07:48

I think you need an injunction! I wouldn´t want him anywhere near me if he can´t control his temper and is violent.

Bubblesinthesummer · 02/02/2016 07:54

I think you both have anger issues. Neither of you behaved well. You report him he could very well report you.

You should stay away from each other. Your relationship sounds toxic.

Goingtobeawesome · 02/02/2016 07:56

Pushing someone away who is intimidating you is assault?

CocktailQueen · 02/02/2016 07:58

Yes, I think I would report it. Did anyone else see or intervene? Why would the police think you were making it up?

Even if you tried to push him away, that's no excuse to drag you to he ground by your hair!!

JellyTotCat · 02/02/2016 08:00

I'm not surprised you panicked and tried to push him away if he is the sort of person who would drag you to the ground by your hair, especially after he was getting aggressive, raising his voice and following you after you were backing away and asking him to go. You probably panicked because you knew what was coming.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 02/02/2016 08:01

Isn't pushing someone away reasonable force to protect yourself? During a beating from my ex I scratched his face hard to scar his cheek and told the police this as part of my statement. They said irrelevant I wouldn't be charged because I was defending myself from a larger assailant.

Shutthatdoor · 02/02/2016 08:01

I don't think the police would think you were making it up, however they will say it wasn't all one sided.

Bubblesinthesummer · 02/02/2016 08:04

During a beating from my ex I scratched his face hard to scar his cheek and told the police this as part of my statement. They said irrelevant I wouldn't be charged because I was defending myself from a larger assailant.

So going by that then no woman should ever be charged for violence against a man as they tend to be 'larger'

So glad the place didn't take that stance when my DBro was nearly killed by his exW!

Shutthatdoor · 02/02/2016 08:04

*not sating what he did was right obviously

PosieReturningParker · 02/02/2016 08:07

Pushing someone away who is following you is provocation, his response was not reasonable.

I would go and chat to the police.

PosieReturningParker · 02/02/2016 08:08

Shocking posts that blame you or talk about your anger issues. Ignore them.

LazyDaysAndTuesdays · 02/02/2016 08:10

Pushing someone away who is following you is provocation, his response was not reasonable.

Which means both behaved badly.

DrMorbius · 02/02/2016 08:16

Firstly Op in future write your posts as if your ExP was going to read it out in court (I.e don't incriminate yourself).

That said your post is just OK. Fact preemptive action is perfectly legal. If you believe you are in danger (as in you are likely to be assaulted) you can take "reasonable" offensive action. Pushing someone who you believe is about to assault you will not get you charged. Especially if you have tried walking away first. You just need to convince the police that you had reasonable fear. Which you did because your ExP's subsequent actions justified your actions. It would also help your cause if you have the previous times he used violence, corroborated.

Incidentally your ExP will find it hard to justify his actions as a response to your actions. I.e you tried to back away, he followed. He will find it hard to convince the police that a push from a woman he was pursuing, justified dragging the woman to the ground by the hair.

Lastly the police are used to this type of thing. Report him.

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 02/02/2016 08:18

Shocking posts that blame you

No one has 'blamed' the OP. Don't exaggerate.

Most have said what the ex did was wrong and can not be excused.

OP can you communicate with your ex over email about DC or get a 'contact' phone so that you don't have to actually see each other?

OhShutUpThomas · 02/02/2016 08:21

Good Lord.

Can't believe the victim blaming in the early replies

OP it is perfectly acceptable to try to push someone away who is following you and intimidating you. It's a defensive movement.

You will not be charged with assault; nor does it indicate that you have 'anger issues'

It would be perfectly reasonable for you to report this.

Bubblesinthesummer · 02/02/2016 08:25

OP were the DC there at the time? Did they witress what happened?

Maybe call 101 and see what they say?

Oswin · 02/02/2016 08:25

Ohshutupthomas, I agree with you.
The replies to this thread have been shocking.
She was trying to get him away from her. A man who has previously hurt her.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 02/02/2016 08:25

I should have said he was strangling me at the time so yes, my actions on being choked by someone 4 stone heavier than me who was lying on top of me were justified in the eyes of the law. Should have put that in but it seemed to long.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 02/02/2016 08:27

OP I apologise if my post came accross as blaming you. I wasn't.

Did you report past incidents or not?

Bubblesinthesummer · 02/02/2016 08:30

That's ok. Sorry that that happened to you.

It just hit a bit of a nerve at the thought that people in my DBro position might not be believed or taken seriously as they are 'larger" iyswim.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 02/02/2016 08:31

I don't think they meant that no woman should be charged because men are bigger either, nor did I say that or anyone say that. It's about self defence. Your actions are measured against the threat. My life could well have been in danger so me leaving a tiny white scat on his cheek? Justified in the eyes of the law.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 02/02/2016 08:33

Totally understand the sensitivity. I feel the same. Have tried to explain in last post how the courts kind of work it out. It's all action vs reaction and is it justifiable. That's when size can come into it. Very clinical.

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