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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Please help me, panic attack, husband just gone completely mad and stormed out

49 replies

leliondemer · 31/01/2016 20:23

Just started another thread.

Husband and I have just had a massive row about PIL. IN short I suggested they come to stay for four or five nights and they extended their stay by three. Doesnt really suit me as I find them hard work and overbearing.

I talked to my husband about it and asked him to ask them to leave a day earlier so I get a bit of time to myself over the weekend. He has just gone absolutely mad. He has been throwing my stuff around the house , hitting doors and windows, slamming everything he can and calling me a stupid bitch;

He has stormed out the house now and I have no idea where he has gone.

I have just had a panic attack, his words were so awful and he was so angry.

My dd is alseep in her bedroom

I feel totally lost and I don't know who i can turn to.

He will never say sorry for his outburst, I don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading and sorry for rambling.

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 31/01/2016 20:25

I'm sorry, lion, that's sounds horrible . Can I ask you if you are injured - did he hit you or throw something that hit you ?

Hissy · 31/01/2016 20:27

Sweetheart, he needs to find somewhere else to stay, and he can host his parents there.

BastardGoDarkly · 31/01/2016 20:27

Are his parents in your house still?

abbsismyhero · 31/01/2016 20:29

ring womens aid this is unacceptable

Original poster

leliondemer · 31/01/2016 20:30

No his parents aren't here at the moment. The row was about a visit they are planning.
I am not injured, he did all his throwing and hitting of walls in another room.
I feel really trembly, I might have been wrong but his reaction was so bad. I don't know if I should call him.

OP posts:

Original poster

leliondemer · 31/01/2016 20:31

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/thirty_days_only/2561199-PIL-overstaying-their-welcome-BUT-looking-after-DD-who-is-being-unreasonable?

here is my first thread which is what the argument was about

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 31/01/2016 20:31

Has he been violent before ? I mean hitting , slamming, throwing , verbally abusing you ?

Original poster

leliondemer · 31/01/2016 20:35

Yes Kristina, he has history for it.
He is under a lot of stress with work and giving up smoking.
He says I am no help to him and I am useless. I cause nothing but grief.
I can't see what is right anymore. I wish I hadn't have said anything about his parents' visit.

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 31/01/2016 20:39

Do you want to stay with a man who is violent ? I see you have a child together, it's not good for her to live like this .

Hissy · 31/01/2016 20:41

Get him out of your home, now. Call the cops if necessary.

BertieBotts · 31/01/2016 20:41

It's not your fault, lion.

Do you think he will come back tonight? Do you have anyone you can call who might come over and be with you?

Original poster

leliondemer · 31/01/2016 20:44

I don't know if he will come back. I don't know where he is.
I have no one to call.
I feel so sad and alone. I was being unreasonable asking his parents to leave a day earlier (see other thread). But he was so angry.
I feel rubbsish.
Thanks for your support.

OP posts:

littleleftie · 31/01/2016 20:44

Do I understand correctly, PILS live a considerable distance away ( flights are mentioned) but are visiting you for days at a time, approx every six weeks, and sleeping in your lounge as you have a 2 bed flat and DD?

It sounds like you have been under a lot of pressure and he has no right at all to be so abusive to you. Can you lock him out and text him telling him not to come back tonight ever?

Can anyone in RL come and sit with you?

LizzieVereker · 31/01/2016 20:44

You poor thing, you must feel very shocked. You should be able to express your views without it causing such a violent reaction, no matter how strongly your partner disagrees with you.

Do you have someone, a friend or relative who can come and sit with you?

Original poster

leliondemer · 31/01/2016 20:54

I don't have anyone to call. I think I might just set up a sleeping bag on dd's floor and sleep there. We are under a lot of pressure at the moment.
I feel at a loss as what to do. I feel like telling him to leave but I am so sad for dd. I know she can't be exposed to this kind of anger. I wish he would change.

OP posts:

whitehandledkitchenknife · 31/01/2016 20:55

You were NOT being unreasonable. You are not his servant. You are not his parents' servant. You really could do with someone in RL to sit with you. Do you have anywhere to go tonight that wouldn't disturb little one too much? In no way, shape or form is his behaviour acceptable. No excuses. No explaining away.
Keep calm, put the kettle on and think carefully about all this.

Resilience16 · 31/01/2016 20:56

This man is abusive. You shouldn't have to live in fear of opening your mouth or disagreeing with him.
You have done nothing wrong. His threatening, violent behaviour is wrong. You say he has a history of this kind of behaviour? Believe me when I say it will only get worse, not better and you need to start planning to leave him, for your sake and your daughter's sake.
I have been in a similar situation, and I know how scary and isolating it can be. When someone constantly verbally abuses you, you begin to doubt yourself. Please don't believe the negative things he says to you. Contact Woman's aid for more help, and you have all of us here on Mumsnet for support.
Here is a hug for you x

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 31/01/2016 21:01

You are both under pressure. Only one of you is being violent.

It is sad that your DD has a violent angry father.

Leaving a violent selfish man isn't sad, it is smart.

emilybohemia · 31/01/2016 21:02

It doesn't matter wha pressure he is under, it is unacceptable and abusive behaviour.

Please contact women's aid as resilence suggests.

FrameyMcFrame · 31/01/2016 21:07

Sorry to hear this is happening to you, I've been in similar situations, I think you need to ask him to not return tonight. And he will need to recognise that his behaviour is unacceptable and apologise to you before he should come back.

LizzieVereker · 31/01/2016 21:11

You weren't being unreasonable. And do you know what, even if you had been, it would still not be OK for him to react in such a violent manner. People in healthy relationships disagree about things, sometimes big things, but they don't behave like he has done. Also, my job is very stressful, and I've given up smoking more times than I care to admit, but I don't punch walls and scream at my DH. I'm not saying I'm perfect, not at all, just that his behaviour is a long way from acceptable.

And none of it, none of it, is your fault. Please believe that and focus on keeping yourself and DD safe.

EssexMummy1234 · 31/01/2016 21:15

Please don't allow your daughter to be exposed to this behaviour any more. I think you have to explain that his behaviour is unacceptable from an adult and he needs stay elsewhere for the time being until he has had help for his anger issues.

Lock the doors, put the key in the back of them - and when he wakes you up punching the door in the night call the police.

janethegirl2 · 31/01/2016 21:23

I'd tell him to fuck off, but that's because he's a twat!

Lynnm63 · 31/01/2016 21:30

Just read both threads your dp is abusive. His behaviour is totally unacceptable. Imo asking that he and pils stick yo the original agreement is not unreasonable. He can disagree but punching walls and calling you a stupid bitch is out of order. It's not the first time either.

Do you want your dd growing up thinking this is how relationships work?

You need to lock the door so he can't get back in tonight, if he comes back and starts banging the door call the police. Tomorrow call women's aid for advice and plan to get out of this relationship.

Talk on here as often as you need. We are here for you.

janethegirl2 · 31/01/2016 21:33

Hell, my dh is being a twat now. I am not impressed!

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