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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Hormones/libido going apeshit over someone you work with?

38 replies

Pingu1975 · 27/01/2016 20:44

How do you deal with it and what does it mean?? And how do you know if someone feels it back, what are the signs?

OP posts:
withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 13:30

First of all, are they married or single?

ILikeUranus · 30/01/2016 13:37

It means you fancy them. If you're both single, ask him out. If he says yes, then he feels it too.

abbsismyhero · 30/01/2016 13:59

i think i need the answer to this too is it wishful thinking or does he really like me and is being cautious

men are confusing if he doesn't feel anything he really needs to keep his eyes and hands to himself!

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 14:04

'needs to keep his... hands to himself'?

abbsismyhero · 30/01/2016 14:19

ahh sorry not as bad as it sounds he just touches my shoulders sometimes strokes my arm a little...........actually that does sound a bit bad doesn't it!

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 14:21

A little bit Grin

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 14:33

But then DH is a bit demonstrative like that, on occasion and not creepy. But at work from a colleague - it may be a sign. Does he do it other people, have you noticed?

Original poster
Pingu1975 · 30/01/2016 14:37

It's difficult to tell whether small signs of affection (ie shoulder touching etc like abbs has said) is meant to be flirtatious or if they are just genuinely kind and affectionate as a friend.

Don't think it's relevant if either are married, but to settle the mumsnet craze of bashing potential affairs and OW I shall point out that both long term single. Not sure if I would feel differently if they were married to be honest as I can't help how I feel at the moment, it's totally not wanted as I sometimes feel quite awkward around them as we work in close proximity.

I know I fancy them obviously but due to my age could it just be hormonal? Never felt the same kind of thing before at this intensity, pretty sure it could be due to various factors, but then again I'm not sure if they're encouraging it? I don't know!

OP posts:
withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 14:43

Of course it matters if someone is married or not. Nothing to do with a trend for bashing potential affairs. If they are, you don't go there. Fortunately, you're both single so all is good. Does this person behave like this with other colleagues?

dangerrabbit · 30/01/2016 15:04

Of course it matters whether the person is married or not because it affects the chances of this being a fantasy or potential reality. Are you peers or is one of you senior to the other?

abbsismyhero · 30/01/2016 15:28

he isnt really like it with others that ive seen he does nudge people like the stupid brother sister thing im trying to think of a time when he does this to others

hmm i need to pay more attention to how he acts next time im in

slebmum1 · 30/01/2016 15:38

Why do you think it's age? Are you much older?

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 15:39

It's been such a long time since I've been at this stage of a relationship, that I'm not an expert. Keeping a mental note is a good idea. What do you think you will do if it is a flirtation, abbs?

Original poster
Pingu1975 · 30/01/2016 15:59

Oh I didn't mean that I would jump on them if they were married! What I mean is that I have no control over said stupid feelings and I don't think my unruly urges would be different if they were wed.

I am older, in 40s and they are 31 Blush although they are very mature, sometimes more than me I suspect Grin

OP posts:
dangerrabbit · 30/01/2016 16:30

Ok but is one of you senior in terms of job role? Are you his boss?

withaspongeandarustyspanner · 30/01/2016 16:32

Ah. Phew. And I see what you mean. No, you can't help who you are attracted to, I suppose.

I wouldn't be too bothered about the age difference. Why do you find your feelings awkward?

Houseofmirth66 · 30/01/2016 21:09

Is it a woman? Your theys and thems suggest you're avoiding mentioning gender. Sorry if I'm jumping to conclusions.

Original poster
Pingu1975 · 30/01/2016 23:34

Very perceptive houseofmirth Wink

OP posts:
Houseofmirth66 · 30/01/2016 23:59

Sounds like you fancy her and she fancies you. How exciting! You have two options for the next time you meet. Either launch in for a full on kiss, sweeping everything off your desk and laying her across it for a passionate bout of love making. (Don't do this if your office is open plan.) Or keep smiling, chatting and getting to know her until you feel more confident. Is she gay?

blueshoes · 31/01/2016 00:06

If you are talking about a woman, and assuming you are a woman too, how do you know these signs of affection are just friendly or showing romantic interest?

I would be much more likely to be tactile with another woman colleague, than a male colleague and I am straight.

Houseofmirth66 · 31/01/2016 00:16

I think if you suspect there's more to it then there probably is. In my experience there's less of a likelihood of crossed wires between two women than between a man and a woman.

Original poster
Pingu1975 · 31/01/2016 00:27

Mirth you are a very bad influence, especially since it is only two of us in a closed off office Blush the difficulty is, if I take your advice and pounce, I could end up fired and cautioned for sexual harassment GrinShock the other difficulty is, I wouldn't know what to do Blush never dated a woman and neither have they (that I know of)

And this is the trouble blue shoes, I genuinely don't know what signs to look for and whether she would be picking up signs from me!

I'm a hopeless randy old lady.

OP posts:
withaspongeandarustyspanner · 31/01/2016 07:38

I think you develop your friendship first and foremost. And maybe do stuff as friends. Maybe even grab another couple of people to start with. Set up a cinema club, a supper club or something - anything to initiate a reason to meet out of work. This is much easier to do with other women. Much more natural. Then, once the friendship is there, and reasons to meet outside work, then that's when other opportunities may arise.

blueshoes · 31/01/2016 11:10

Agree with withasponge.

Original poster
Pingu1975 · 31/01/2016 18:19

We live quite far apart (I think it's 40 miles) so I think a suggestion like that would take some effort. We do occasionally do business trips so that may be the only alternative. Again I'm very nervous that I'm imagining these feelings and that she is going to be disgusted. I need WineWineChocolate

OP posts: