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Original poster

Playing hard to get or not interested?

38 replies

VoddyWithCranberry · 25/01/2016 22:13

Went on a great date last weekend. We stayed at the place for about five hours, he bought all the drinks, no awkward silences and lots of laughter.

Anyway I texted the day after to say thanks etc. He replied with a fairly long message, asking a question; I replied with banter about the date; he replied. He was going on holiday a couple of days later for ten days so I replied to his text with a message back saying "haha you'll have to tell me all about it when you next see me ;)" He hasn't replied but has seen the message.

(This was an internet date by the way so not like we see each other at work or anything.)

Sooo. Is he not interested? He definitely gave the impression of being interested on the date itself and as I say he messaged back with questions and long replies (longer than mine). It was only when I broached the second date that he went dead - in my mind there are two reasons (1) he doesn't want to see me again, fine (2) he's waiting to get back from hol to ask me out again.

Which is it?

OP posts:
Startingout2015 · 25/01/2016 22:17

He's busy having fun on holiday and will get in touch wen he's back

Original poster
VoddyWithCranberry · 25/01/2016 22:22

You think? I just find it a bit rude not to reply though...

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 25/01/2016 22:24

You said tell me about it when you get back, he possibly took that as a cue to next speak then. Some people are that literal.

Wileycoyote · 25/01/2016 22:26

Hmm. Who knows? If I was interested I would have responded but he isn't me! I would contact you if I liked you because I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity but I'm sure some people are in no rush and wouldn't see a ten day silence as any big deal.

Original poster
VoddyWithCranberry · 25/01/2016 22:30

Thanks. It isn't a ten day silence though because we last messaged on Weds (three days after the date). He isn't going to back for another sixteen days all in which will make it more like 18 days. I know that doesn't sound like ages but it's almost three weeks

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 25/01/2016 22:32

Hmm well yea that is a long time not to speak to someone if you are really interested.

Sallystyle · 25/01/2016 22:34

IME if someone is interested they will reply. Unless they are unconscious or seriously ill people who are really interested don't play hard to get and return text messages in a reasonable time frame.

After 10 days I would forget him.

LeaLeander · 25/01/2016 22:40

Just because he enjoyed the date and may be interested in another doesn't mean you are yet part of his daily life or should expect to be communicated with on a daily basis. At this point you are an interesting possibility for a new friend/girlfriend when he returns.

I can't even imagine conversing extensively via text from a vacation with someone I'd only met once ad barely knew. No reflection on the person, but my mind would be otherwise occupied - with my vacation activities, travel companions etc. He replied, you replied and then he went away - how many forth-and-back one-line banalities must be exchanged for your feelings not to be wounded?

Just carry on with your life and see what happens when he returns.

EmmaBray · 25/01/2016 22:48

If you ever read a man's dating guide you will see most feature this sort of treat em mean stuff. Apparently it's all about making them seem like an 'alpha' that has plenty of options. Maybe there's something to it as its got you thinking about him. I'd just wait until he gets back from holiday

TooSassy · 25/01/2016 22:56

You stayed in a place for 5 hours and he bought all the drinks? Did you pay for anything?

He may well be in touch post holiday but In his shoes I wouldn't be. I'd be pretty damn miffed to go on a 5 hour date and pay for everything. certainly wouldn't look for a repeat.

If he was really interested he would have messaged back. Takes two seconds to drop a note to someone.

I may if course be wrong.

hownottofuckup · 25/01/2016 23:02

Lea makes a good point, that might just be what he's like. Personally that wouldn't work for me so I wouldn't want to persue anything further. If the options where either that, or he just wasn't that into me, I'd put it down to a pleasant night out and move on.

What kind of a relationship are you looking for OP? Maybe this just isn't it.

TheNaze73 · 25/01/2016 23:07

Cut him slack there, he's on holiday.

Original poster
VoddyWithCranberry · 25/01/2016 23:07

I don't want "back and forth banalities" just after a simple "sounds good" or acknowledgement that he would be interested in a second date too. It's awkward that he hasn't said anything in reply to my text basically implying I wanted to see him again.

We had maybe four drinks each, they were a couple of quid each and he insisted on paying.

I don't know what I'm looking for, not something very casual, more just interested to see how things progress; this was only his third internet date ever so he doesn't strike me as a casual dating type either but who knows

OP posts:
Original poster
VoddyWithCranberry · 25/01/2016 23:08

TheNaze totally get what you're saying but if you were interested wouldn't you just reply saying "sounds good, will give you a bell" when I'm back or whatever?

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 25/01/2016 23:16

I would, and I'd like who ever I was dating to do similar.

Lilmisskittykat · 25/01/2016 23:33

I agree with the other ladies just leave it.

I really believe in the mantra 'he's just not that into you'. Which isn't supposed to be harsh on you just very enlightening when you accept it.

If he is he will text. It's his turn to reply. I'm still waiting on texts back from dates years ago.. Guess he wasn't that into me Grin

rosewithoutthorns · 25/01/2016 23:39

I would also text back before going on holiday if I were keen.

Im not into those types of men that wouldn't so I would just delete and move on to what I want.

TheNaze73 · 25/01/2016 23:40

Text is a nightmare, you don't get tone of voice. Id have read what you put, as quite final until he gets back. I only think texting should be used to set the next date & that's it in the early stages of anything

LeaLeander · 25/01/2016 23:41

And if he had replied "sounds good" would you have left it and that? Or responded with something else, and then be miffed if he didn't reply, and on and on? Somebody has to cut it off at some point and he is after all on vacation.

rosewithoutthorns · 25/01/2016 23:47

Im also not sure about the he "paid for everything". Im old school and do like the man to get most of it (insist) on a first date, but I also do the sneaky go up the bar or whatever when he's gone to the toilet.

Did you just let him do it all?

Original poster
VoddyWithCranberry · 26/01/2016 00:01

Rose - we only had four drinks or so each, went to a couple of places. He insisted on buying the drinks both time and I let him (I'm a student, he works and is a bit older). Didn't feel bad as we didn't choose expensive places so it probably amounted to about £20 all in.

OP posts:
MrsJuice · 26/01/2016 00:40

I had a similar scenario.
Once back from holiday, he resumed immediate, and hourly text messaging.
He'd been on holiday with this long-term girlfriend.
It was a right mess when we caught him out, quite a while later. Twat!

Fratelli · 26/01/2016 06:32

Hmm I've always found that if you really like each other a second date gets mentioned on the first date or at the end of it.

SouthWestmom · 26/01/2016 06:54

I agree that your text sounds like a closing talk after the holidays message so that wouldn't bother me. Are you maybe underestimating the cost of the drinks though? £20 for 8 (alcoholic) drinks is really cheap; are you maybe thinking student bar prices?

Throwingshade · 26/01/2016 07:16

If someone really likes you (especially a man) they would be in contact more and arrange to see you again. Especially in this Brave New World of dating where you could be 'snapped up' by someone else any day.
So I wouldn't write him off, but I'd manage your expectations - he's very probably not going to be The One. See if he contacts again and don't get overexcited if he does.