Playing hard to get or not interested?

[VoddyWithCranberry]

Went on a great date last weekend. We stayed at the place for about five hours, he bought all the drinks, no awkward silences and lots of laughter.

Anyway I texted the day after to say thanks etc. He replied with a fairly long message, asking a question; I replied with banter about the date; he replied. He was going on holiday a couple of days later for ten days so I replied to his text with a message back saying "haha you'll have to tell me all about it when you next see me ;)" He hasn't replied but has seen the message.

(This was an internet date by the way so not like we see each other at work or anything.)

Sooo. Is he not interested? He definitely gave the impression of being interested on the date itself and as I say he messaged back with questions and long replies (longer than mine). It was only when I broached the second date that he went dead - in my mind there are two reasons (1) he doesn't want to see me again, fine (2) he's waiting to get back from hol to ask me out again.

Which is it?

If he's older and he's gone quiet he might also be in a relationship.

He might have had a good time but on reflection not have been too impressed at you not paying your way

Even if he liked you enough for a second date on the day he last texted, this is OLD - could easily have met up with someone he liked more that night.

Read He's Just Not That Into You, though. It's lighthearted and a good fun read - but it hits the spot.

And next time, don't let someone else "insist" on paying for your drinks all night!

I would have insisted right back that I was buying a round, but I'm stubborn like that.

You'll go mad if you try and analyse people too much early on, especially when online dating.

But your last message was clearly leaving it open for a response and it is odd for him to suddenly go quiet when you had been merrily texting along before. There is no knowing why though.

I think if he wanted to pursue a relationship with you he would have replied by now, sorry OP. I hope I'm wrong.

I expect he enjoyed your date but for one of many possible reasons he decided you weren't for him. No reflection on you.

I always think that if a man's interested you will definitely know he is

You've had one date! Keep dating other men and don't hang on waiting for this one to reappear, if he does great. If he doesn't, it doesn't matter. You could hardly ask him to be exclusive after one date or he, you.

He's on holiday. He'll probably be in touch when he gets back, like you suggested.

Don't over think it. The problem with the whole "he's not that into you " thing that people love to quote is that is starts from the assumption that every man is totally confident and sure of himself. My last boyfriend (who I dated for a year) wasn't very pushy. I wasn't too sure at first about him either, so it didn't bother me. Turns out he was a bit insecure and didn't want to chase me if I wasn't into that into him.
Forget it, do other things, keep dating. The last thing you should do it get hung up on one text; this will come out, somehow, and you will seem needy and pushy. Chill, keep your options open, be discerning. If you end up on a second date, great, but don't cling on as if your life depended on it.

At one date you really can't speculate too much and I wouldn't waste my energy trying analyse someone I've only met once. Leave it at that, if he gets in touch on his return then all good but please don't make contact again, I think it was a bit telling that he decided not to answer your banter about a second date........only time will tell but as other have said, don't be pinning all your hopes on one person.

This has NOTHING to do with the OP not buying a drink. He insisted he'd pay - really, it's fine.

OP, you'd have less angst if you stop making the first move. I wouldn't contact men the next day (thank-you texts are unnecessary, just say thank you on the date! Men see thank-you texts as a woman making excuses to get in touch), or say stuff like, "When we next see each other!" as that's just you pursuing him, and asking him out.

To fid out how much a an likes you, be LOVELY and smiley and appreciative on the date, but then wait to see if he contacts you for a 2nd date.

That isn't rude, old-fashioned or restrictive. It's just sensible, and stops things like this, when you're having to unpick his messages to see if he liked you.

He's on holiday now, or soon. Leave it. If he likes you, he WILL ask you out again. And he won't need any prompting.

Agree with pp

I was thinking about this. If I had met someone for drinks, even if I thought they were really engaging and attractive, I would still basically consider them a stranger at the end of the evening. Not in a bad way but still, someone who was just barely on the edge of my life. Perhaps I might look forward to getting to know him better, but I would not in a million years think of sending him updates from a vacation, or daily texts, etc.

Agree with What'sGoingOnEh that trying to fast-forward the intimacy level and getting hurt due to lack of an extended texting conversation from a guy you've barely met who also is otherwise occupied at the moment is a recipe for disappointment. And writing him off in a fit of pique because he didn't prolong the texting is sort of self-defeating.

How much older than you is he, OP?