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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

just a fb like

43 replies

bandmum · 13/01/2016 20:35

Met dp 5 yrs ago. All went well for 2 years. Dp then met old school flame, she moved home after 20 living away. He told me very quickly and ended relationship with me.
After 22 months he got back in touch as rekindled romance had clearly not worked out. I agreed to try again after 6 months of persistent requests. He volunteered to go NC the OW, I have access to phone and laptop whenever we are together and have seen no evidence of contact.
Yesterday I bumped into his best friend's wife and we had a coffee. I asked her if she had had good Christmas etc. She gave me her phone open at fb pictures so I could see photos of New Years eve party they had attended. I flicked through photos and there was one of her and OW. My dp had liked the photo, just liked not commented .
I felt a bit unhappy at this. Do you think I am being a bit oversensitive/ridiculous after all it is just a 'like'

OP posts:

flatbellyfella · 13/01/2016 20:41

He should not be liking her, now it's over.

sourpickledqueen · 13/01/2016 20:44

You are not being over sensitive. It's probably time to just cut your losses with him.

nameschangerer · 13/01/2016 20:45

Would anger me too. She should be blocked on there. But it has ended for a reason, he's tried twice and failed with her so I doubt there's anything actually going on.

Original poster

bandmum · 13/01/2016 20:49

He is blocked on her fb page this was his best friends wife's page the ow wasn't tagged so he could see the photo , even so I think I am feeling unhappy for a reason. If he was fully committed to me he would not have liked a phot with her in it.

OP posts:

PassTheWench · 13/01/2016 20:49

Difficult one. Might just be a like but it is a form of contact, reminding her that he exists. He shouldn't have liked the photo but if there is no other contact and the relationship is otherwise good I wouldn't rush into leaving him. I like my exes pictures sometimes with no intent (but my situation is different i guess)

spudlike1 · 13/01/2016 20:56

Out of order ! go ballistic ! Seriously you have good reason to be annoyed with him in my view. You need to be able to trust him.

TrinityForce · 13/01/2016 20:58

I dunno. It's just a 'like' and not specifically her, but his best friends wife too.

That said, you don't trust him and I think, feel 2nd best? I'd just end it here before any more heartache needs to be had.

Eekaman · 13/01/2016 20:59

Huh?

He returned to you OP having made a mistake, he chose you OP above his long lost. He volunteered to go NC, and now he's liked one photo and you are having doubts?

Seriously, I think you are being terribly overly sensitive and sourpicklequeen is living up to her sour name by telling you to cut your losses.

TrinityForce · 13/01/2016 21:01

He didn't choose OP.

The relationship with old flame 'didn't work out' and old flame has 'blocked him on facebook'.

sourpickledqueen · 13/01/2016 21:03

How do you know he chose the op? Ow could have dumped him and he has gone running back to op. Besides, I'm not ordering her to leave him am I?

spudlike1 · 13/01/2016 21:04

If your upset ( which you are ) tell him , don't bottle it up . If he loves you/ wants to be with you he will demonstrate that by reassuring you and showing concern for your feelings over anybody else's

spudlike1 · 13/01/2016 21:06

If he's a selfish man he will act differently

Gobbolino6 · 13/01/2016 21:07

I'd be concerned about the timings. Two years with you...Two years with the new partner. Just enough time for that honeymoon period to wear off. Screams serial monogamist to me.

WhatYouTalkinBout · 13/01/2016 21:10

I would be upset by this if he had left me to be with an ex.

Also did he like any of the other photo's or only the one with her in? If it was the only one he liked I would feel it's his way of contacting her without actually doing so

SelfLoathing · 13/01/2016 21:11

Liking a photo on FB is trivial really. Think about photos you like - how long do you take to think about it yourself, less than a second. It's no big deal actually.

The big problem here, the elephant in the room is that you are second best and you know it and it bugs you. He choose her and tried to make it work with her first, because he wanted her.

I strongly suspect that this fact will dog you for the rest of your life if you remain in a relationship with him. The FB like is niggling you because of this underlying fact. If you really thought he was 100% into you, you wouldn't give a toss.

SelfLoathing · 13/01/2016 21:11

*chose her.

Original poster

bandmum · 13/01/2016 21:16

This is my problem, you have put the 2 sides of the argument that are playing out in my head. I am conflicted. He told me the relationship ended as they realised they were very different people than they were when they were 18. When I agreed to start dating again he offered me access to his phone and I watched him delete her number he then went to block her on fb and she had already blocked him. I only met friends wife yesterday and am not seeing dp till tomorrow , need to do a lot of thinking

OP posts:

shihtzumamma · 13/01/2016 21:37

I dont understand why women put up with this... he said he would go NC with the OW
You should not have to inforce this and I dont understand why you agreed to be with him. If it was me,I would always think I was second best, I would be outta there in a shot. Sorry but I don't get why you are with him...maybe I'm just hard-faced but I would not of gone back too him.

sleepinginmycar · 13/01/2016 22:05

Liking a photo on Facebook is not "trivial" if it's of the woman your DP actually left you for.
I will say it no one else will. LTB. I know from experience of similar issue that he has very little respect for your feelings if he is actively following her activity on Facebook.
I also don't get why you would take back someone who had left you for OW.
He seems to be fixated , almost stalkerish where she is concerned.
Cut your losses and get out.

AnyFucker · 13/01/2016 22:08

I would never have tried again with a man who had made it clear he was casting me aside for another woman. Then when that didn't work out he came sniffing around again.

This is what you have signed yourself up for I am afraid.

Original poster

bandmum · 13/01/2016 22:28

Just to be clear again , he is not fb friends with her. He did like several of the photos from the party but not all. I do however feel he has shown a lack of care for my feelings in this instance. I will talk to him tomorrow but this was his ' second and last' chance

OP posts:

sleepinginmycar · 13/01/2016 22:41

Okay, you sound like you are in denial. So I will ask you one question. What do you think your DP would do if she suddenly decided that she wanted the two of them to try again?

Thisismyfirsttime · 13/01/2016 22:42

Surely he should be avoiding OW though where possible and not 'liking' photos of his friend's DW with OW.
Also if she'd already blocked him on FB it suggests she wanted nothing to do with him first. Tit for tat, but I'm sure he'd be happy to block her in front if you knowing it'd make no difference if she'd cut him out and he'd come crawling back.

SelfLoathing · 13/01/2016 23:16

Liking a photo on Facebook is not "trivial" if it's of the woman your DP actually left you for.

I disagree because that's a v. female way of thinking. It's all over analysed. Men are more "just click" move on. Next on. Like that "click". And I think a lot of women too. If I like a photo, I give it less than a seconds thought.

And in this case, it wasn't just the woman was it? It was more a group photo of her and the other friend.

I don't think liking a photo is a big deal. The big deal is that he left her for this woman in the first place.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 14/01/2016 06:22

The mistake was getting back together after he dumped you for someone else and came back after it didn't work out.

SelfLoathing yeah but my automatic filter would stop me from 'liking' a photo of the person I previously dumped my current partner for. There's no emotionally intelligent man that wouldn't understand that.

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