Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

just a fb like

43 replies

bandmum · 13/01/2016 20:35

Met dp 5 yrs ago. All went well for 2 years. Dp then met old school flame, she moved home after 20 living away. He told me very quickly and ended relationship with me.
After 22 months he got back in touch as rekindled romance had clearly not worked out. I agreed to try again after 6 months of persistent requests. He volunteered to go NC the OW, I have access to phone and laptop whenever we are together and have seen no evidence of contact.
Yesterday I bumped into his best friend's wife and we had a coffee. I asked her if she had had good Christmas etc. She gave me her phone open at fb pictures so I could see photos of New Years eve party they had attended. I flicked through photos and there was one of her and OW. My dp had liked the photo, just liked not commented .
I felt a bit unhappy at this. Do you think I am being a bit oversensitive/ridiculous after all it is just a 'like'

OP posts:
RealityCheque · 14/01/2016 07:26

Trivial. Completely trivial.

Folk really need to stop over analysing Facebook. It's twattery, pure and simple.

Additionally, if viewing FB on a phone it is incredibly easy to accidentally 'like' a post while scrolling.

DrMorbius · 14/01/2016 07:51

You should LTB (leave the bloke) and not because of any "Likes" on Facebook.

You obviously have an issue whether you are second best/choice or not. Any relationship that starts with one partner forcing the other to block, delete, erase previous partners is on a rocky road.

Either you accept he is with you and wants you and you are his first choice now (and you accept he has a past) or you jack it in for your sanity.

spudlike1 · 14/01/2016 08:00

'Liking' a photo of an ex on fb (who has blocked you) is sending a clear message that you still. like her and that the door is open .
Nothing innocent about this I'm afraid .
Why did you friend show you the pictures in the first place.

SelfLoathing · 14/01/2016 09:32

'Liking' a photo of an ex on fb (who has blocked you) is sending a clear message that you still. like her and that the door is open

Sorry but again utter bollocks. This is a female way of thinking. Men don't think like that. If a man wanted to "send a message" he'd do just that directly "how are you?" "been thinking of you". and AGAIN this was not just a photo of the ex, it had other people in it.

People use facebook in different ways. Just because one person takes ages mulling over whether to like aphoto, what it would "mean", etc doesn't mean everyone does. for most people with busy lives is a scrolling and clicking exercise without a moments thought.

Posters here are not focussing on the real issue here. The photo "like" is SO trivial it is unbelievable. Can you imagine two men in a pub going "well my gf dumped me because I liked a photo that contained my ex gf [note not a photo OF my ex gf alone, one with her in it]". The other guy would be HmmConfusedHmm: "let's have a pint. So what about Arsenal then?"

The real issue is that the bf dumped OP for this woman. How OP feels about the face book like is a manifestation of the real problem - not the FB like itself

DrMorbius · 14/01/2016 10:30

^^ what SelfLoathing says.

spudlike1 · 14/01/2016 11:55

It's the context that is important here. A 'like' on fb is harmless enough .
But he left you to be with her . You understandably feel insecure and wonder if you can trust him .
It all comes down to how confident and secure you feel about your relationship with him .

Jan45 · 14/01/2016 12:39

If I had done what your DP did (I never would) and then crawled back to you the last thing I'd be doing would be liking pics of another man, I mean c'mon, shows a total lack of respect for your OP, or what he has done, he was lucky you took him back in the first place, he's really messing you about.

Yseulte · 14/01/2016 12:49

Men don't think like that.

All 3.5 billion of them?

Yseulte · 14/01/2016 12:52

The like is ambiguous, the real question is how does he really feel about OP, and what, if anything, the like implies.

If OP felt completely secure in this relationship, we wouldn't be having this discussion.

MoMoTy · 14/01/2016 13:36

I don't understand why you chose to be second best here? He dumped you like a hot potato and then almost two years after it didn't work out you were there still waiting for him? How do you let yourself be treated this way. He liked her photo which isn't a big deal but knowing the history of how he treated you it seems an issue for you.

Original poster
bandmum · 14/01/2016 19:10

I called in on way home from work and ended it. I feel awful right now but do not want to be the kind of woman who has to Check up on her partner. Thanks for your time and advice

OP posts:
VioletRoller · 14/01/2016 19:14

It's a big deal to some, not so for others. Depends on what's acceptable and the individual circumstances.

You seem very strong. x

NickiFury · 14/01/2016 19:38

Good for you. It's pretty clear he's still holding a torch for her f*ck that nonsense!

cupcakesandwine · 14/01/2016 19:40

Well done bandmum. I know it's hard now, but you did the right thing. You deserve (as we all do) to be in a relationship where the person you are with thinks they are amazingly lucky to get you.

Anyone who is too dumb to appreciate you can just move right on.

You'll be fine.

MoMoTy · 14/01/2016 19:42

Good for you bandmum. Thanksjust never let anyone treat you this way. You are not a second option for anyone. And he still holds a candle for her, she probably ended it with him. Anyway just take care, you've done the right thing for yourself in the long run

AnyFucker · 14/01/2016 19:47

Hooray. A woman who has found her worth Thanks

spudlike1 · 14/01/2016 20:27

Good news Flowers

spudlike1 · 14/01/2016 20:28

Hope you feeling strong

New posts on this thread. Refresh page