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Original poster

Do I say something

42 replies

hoppy40 · 12/01/2016 14:47

I'm ready to be told to keep my nose out but ....
My 22 year old Dd is seeing a recently separated man of 37 with two dc one ten and one twelve both of whom she hasn't met. I didn't have a problem as such until she told me his mil has sent my dd a message telling her she's a slag and to stick to men her own age which makes me now think there was an overlap with his wife and my daughter. I would hate to think my dd has come between a man and wife she tells me he was living in the house but he told her they weren't living as man and wife. Do I say something to my dd or not ?

OP posts:
Figwin · 12/01/2016 14:49

I don't understand what you would want to say to Dd. sounds like she has told you everything from her side and if not it's because she doesn't want to. Just support her. Mil might just be a cow.

Epilepsyhelp · 12/01/2016 14:52

You don't need to work that out now, it's too late. Just be there for your dd and to pick up the (probably inevitable) pieces.

Goingtobeawesome · 12/01/2016 14:53

Who exactly gave the MIL your DDs number?

Original poster
hoppy40 · 12/01/2016 14:54

But if mil is not being a cow and is watching her dd and gc hurting because she has been cheated on ?

OP posts:
Finola1step · 12/01/2016 14:55

I would gently ask her if she is sure that he was separated when they started seeing each other. Then leave it there. And wait for the inevitable crisis.

Original poster
hoppy40 · 12/01/2016 14:55

Mil found her number on social media

OP posts:
Finola1step · 12/01/2016 14:56

X post and good question hoppy. How has his MIL got your dd's phone number?

Figwin · 12/01/2016 14:56

Either way, what do you want to say to your daughter?

Finola1step · 12/01/2016 14:56

I'm x posting all over the place today. Apologies.

Epilepsyhelp · 12/01/2016 14:57

Thats for dd and her new bf to worry about though, not for you to find out/judge. If you were watching it happen then it would be right to intervene but it sounds like the damage is already done.

This will be an incredibly hard road for your dd.

Original poster
hoppy40 · 12/01/2016 14:58

I would want to remind her what's right and wrong even if she might not listen. I just feel awful for the wife rightly or wrongly.

OP posts:
Figwin · 12/01/2016 15:01

Do you not trust your DD's version? That he told he they were separated? If true, she was duped and needs your support not judgement as she did nothing wrong.
If you think she's the kind of girl who would do this and the tell you a lie about it then what good would you telling her what's right and wrong do?

Figwin · 12/01/2016 15:02

She's your dd, give her the benefit of the doubt

Original poster
hoppy40 · 12/01/2016 15:06

She's young and yes I believe her but I'm older and I've known in real life and on this board that men will say they're not living as man and wife but unfortunately the wife is unaware of this and now mil is sending the message it makes me wary

OP posts:
Funinthesun15 · 12/01/2016 15:06

mil has sent my dd a message telling her she's a slag and to stick to men her own age which makes me now think there was an overlap with his wife and my daughter

Not necessarily. My DH ex MIL did the same to me.

DH and I didn't meet until a year after they had split.

She also doesn't believe her DD had an affair even though they divorced on the grounds of her adultery

Many years she still sometimes messages me strange woman

Tartyflette · 12/01/2016 15:07

Sorry, OP but it sounds to me like she has fallen for the old chestnut " Oh, we're definitely separated, I just can't move out just yet because ......"

Shutthatdoor · 12/01/2016 15:08

She's young and yes I believe her but I'm older and I've known in real life and on this board that men will say they're not living as man and wife but unfortunately the wife is unaware of this and now mil is sending the message it makes me wary

There are also many cases of MIL interfering and getting things wrong.

I wouldn't automatically believe the MIL tbf.

I have known of incidences where they get involved having not known the whole truth themselves and getting it very very wrong.

MorrisZapp · 12/01/2016 15:14

Wtf? A stranger messages your daughter and calls her a slag, but you're worried about a 'man and wife'?

What kind of horror show sends a text like that? Presumably the poor man fell over willy first did he?

Keep the heck out of it.

Figwin · 12/01/2016 15:16

Wait, so you believe her... So you know she knows right from wrong then. Just telling her right from wrong when she didn't actually do anything wrong is harsh. She's your daughter! Be on her team!

Either he is a douche or the mil is, not your daughter

Original poster
hoppy40 · 12/01/2016 15:17

Thank you I have asked my daughter if he was cheating with her she told me no but there was doubt when she told me about the message and regardless I will be there for my dd.

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 12/01/2016 15:18

I agree with Tarty and suggest you caution your dd against becoming emotionally invested in this man until he's left the marital home otherwise she may find herself named as co-respondent if his dw seeks to divorce him for adultery.

MorrisZapp · 12/01/2016 15:18

Worst case scenario is he lied to her about the overlap and somebody called her a slag for believing him.

Charming.

Original poster
hoppy40 · 12/01/2016 15:18

He has left the marital home.

OP posts:
Figwin · 12/01/2016 15:20

That happened quickly...

Waltermittythesequel · 12/01/2016 15:21

I can't believe your dd got a message like that and you're more upset about the possibility that she was duped at the start of her relationship.

Even if it were true, it's not like your own dd did it on purpose.

I met my now dh 9 years after he split from his ex and his mother sent me a Christmas card with a note about how slutty I was.

Sometimes people are just Fuckers.

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