Do I say something

[hoppy40]

I'm ready to be told to keep my nose out but ....
My 22 year old Dd is seeing a recently separated man of 37 with two dc one ten and one twelve both of whom she hasn't met. I didn't have a problem as such until she told me his mil has sent my dd a message telling her she's a slag and to stick to men her own age which makes me now think there was an overlap with his wife and my daughter. I would hate to think my dd has come between a man and wife she tells me he was living in the house but he told her they weren't living as man and wife. Do I say something to my dd or not ?

I know my dd isn't a slag. We'd already spoken about that but it was after we had spoken I thought about the cheating aspect

I understand your concerns but even if she was the other woman she's your daughter, that's unconditional !
The only interfering I would be wanting to do would be getting hold of MIL & getting her told not to dare message my daughter again.

Doesn't sound like an ideal situation just be supportive, your daughter is the only person you need to be concerned for.

Ignore. The MIL is wrong. Fine. Forget it.

In the space of half an hour he left the marital home? Blimey.

Good think by reading these responses that raising a moral flag is being judgemental. And unconditional love is supporting your kids no matter what they do. No wonder narcissism is rampant in the young.

That'll go down a treat i'm sure.

She's your daughter, of course you raise the issue about whether he was still with his wife when they got together. Either he lied to dd or they both knew what they were doing. Either way it's not great.

Or he was telling the truth. I'd still want to get it clear with my own daughter tho.

Daughter hasn't done anything wrong. She's not married. She didn't put a gun to the married man head and say 'date me'
Responsibility for this lies completely with the man. If he has left his wife that's fine, and if not, that's fine to. (From your Dd perspective)
Doesn't sound like this is going to be a good LTR, but that's a different story.
MIL is a long long way out of order, if I were Dd would be tempted to point this out.
From your perspective, I think there is going to be some pieces to pick up in a short while.

On what planet is a woman taking on a mm not doing anything wrong? (If op's dd has, that is)

So tired of hearing this shit on here: do what you plain like, it's not your fault bcs you didn't make any promises. In fact, you have zero responsibility for trashing families if you take up with a mm.

He's 37, she's 22.
He was still living with his wife, and only recently separated.
Met online by any chance?

Most likely scenario is that he wasn't separated at all, but that your daughter was naïve and fell for his bullshit.

I feel sorry for you - so hard when you can't protect your child from themselves.

The MIL is out of order, but I think it's an understandable (though not condonable) reaction to the most likely explanation - that this guy is a shit who cheated on his wife.

If he's moved out, I suspect it's because he was rumbled and thrown out.

Some will say I'm judging him here... but it's just the most likely scenario, IMO.

She found her phone number on social media?? Does everyone put their personal contact details up there? Sounds a bit unsafe...

On what planet is a woman taking on a mm not doing anything wrong? (If op's dd has, that is)

But the OP's DD is an adult and doesn't need a telling off. She's knowingly or unknowingly wandered into a potentially difficult situation, could be a SM or sort of SM at a very young age and needs her mum's love and support. OP is not the adultery police. Her only job is to be there for her DD.

Who said her mum would tell her off?

ONLY job to be there for her dd? Not the only job of a parent imo.

Ok so I've misunderstood your posts. You think the OP needs to find out whether or not there was cheating. Then what would she do if there was?

It's also mum's job to:

(a) tell their children their are some lying bastards out there

(b) tell their children that men who are still living with their wives are usually still with their wives

(c) tell their children that even if the man isn't lying, it's best not to start a relationship until they have moved out because it's just too much shit otherwise

We're here to impart our wisdom and experience to our kids!

In order of likeliness:

• he's a cheating lying shithead to his wife and this girl
• he's a cheating lying shithead to his wife, and the girl doesn't care, she knows (possibly because of the selfishness and naïvety of youth)
• he genuinely is separated but can't see that sorting out his living arrangements should be a higher priority than finding somewhere to put his cock

Come on, who really thinks this is True Love™ at 37 and 22? (no offence to those with age gaps on here, it can happen - but likely?)

It is a mother's job to gently present these ideas... and then wait around to pick up the pieces

Feel for you OP, I'd be gutted if it were my child.

It is a mother's job to gently present these ideas... and then wait around to pick up the pieces

100% agree with this and I think the OP has already given some fairly strong health warnings about this relationship.

But I think all those warnings can be given without needing to know exactly what the timings were here or whether the crazy MIL is lying.

What would you do fast?

Warn her that there are some issues, that this is going to be a long and tricky road and then pick up the pieces when she doesn't listen.

Just don't think that getting all the facts is needed, or will help the relationship with OP's DD.