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Original poster

our home and divorce

54 replies

shortcrust · 10/01/2016 10:52

Hello everyone.

I was wondering if anyone could give me and answer or advice.

Me and my ex divorce is to be finalised in a couple weeks, and hes asked to talk about what we are going to do about the house we bought together

I am currently living in it now with my 2 children and pay the full mortgage on it. My ex was paying half up until about 2 years ago.

There is no way I can afford to buy him out and I want to keep it as Its a better option for my children, but how can we do this? He wants his name off the deeds.

What happens when I do eventually sell it? I'm not the sort to leave him high and dry! ( we are still amicable )

Could I just write up a personal agreement between us that when I do come to sell it, he will get what he is entitled to money wise? But then that wouldn't leave each of us much to get a house! I'm rubbish at all this legal stuff!!

I must add that I am only working part time at the minute due to having young children so getting a mortgage or re mortgage is out of the question. I have already been told this by an estate agent.

Thank you in advance for any help.

Caroline.

OP posts:
Joy69 · 10/01/2016 11:35

Are you getting tax credits? Some mortgage providers take these into account when applying for mortgages. Go to an independent broker for mortgage deals, but don't let them pressure you into anything. I went to one attached to an estate agent & it was very helpful. Took my time & didn't sign anything when they started to pressure sell, but good as an idea of what I could get.
Good luck x

Newyearnewme2016 · 10/01/2016 11:41

You need legal advice on this. It also depends on him. Is he happy for you to stay in the house with the children and get his money from the equity at a later date? When would that be?

In my case exh wasn't willing and it went to court. Although I have small dc with special needs and I had paid the mortgage for ten years, my house had to be sold and equity split so we could both move on.

It also depends on how much equity is in the house. If not much, you are better off in a way. Could you borrow money to buy him out eg from a rich family member? I was advised to do this but didnt have anyone to ask!

Newyearnewme2016 · 10/01/2016 11:43

You need advice on what would be an equitable split. It would only be 50:50 if you do 50:50 care of the children. What about other assets in the pot eg pensions?

SoftDriftedSnow · 10/01/2016 11:47

Are there solicitors involved?

How come you both agreed that you would pay his share of the mortgage?

mintoil · 10/01/2016 12:05

I am not sure how your divorce would be finalised without the court seeing both the financial settlement and statement of arrangements for children?

Has your solicitor does all this OP?

It sounds like you need a mesher order. This would entitle you and DC to stay in the house until youngest child finishes full time education. XH name stays on the mortgage but your sol draws up an indemnity which says you will be paying the monthly amounts.

When you sell the house, any equity will be split in accordance with what you agreed. This might be 50/50, or if, for example, you have given up any rights to a share of his pension and there is no pension sharing order, you might get more of a percentage, like 70/30. It all depends on the overall pot.

This should all have been sorted by solicitor ages ago if you are near finalising things so I am a bit confused.

financialwizard · 10/01/2016 12:15

Although you want to keep this amicable it does not mean you should not seek legal advice so you know where you stand.

It doesn't mean you have to get nasty when the solicitors become involved.

juneau · 10/01/2016 12:20

They could be doing a DIY divorce - which is why this hasn't been addressed.

However, OP, if you and your STBXH can't agree on what to do about this between yourselves you'll have to both see a solicitor and a judge will have to decide how to split your marital assets and whether you can stay on in the house. If you cannot afford to buy him out and he wants some money then I can see your 'amicable' arrangement fast falling apart anyway and you both sound pretty entrenched in your position. You say 'my DC', so are they his DC too, or from another relationship? If its the latter then he has no obligation to house them now that you've split. If they are your joint DC then he does.

Cabrinha · 10/01/2016 12:20

You say "my children" - are they his children?
Makes a difference, although there are guidelines about "children of the marriage" if he has taken on responsibility for them. But generally, I think you're less likely to get a Mesher order if they aren't his.

Please tell me you've seen a solicitor?
Do NOT finalise a divorce with children and property involved without doing so?

What do you mean by finalised? I hope you just mean the two of you are finalising the application paperwork! It is absolute madness to be at the point of Decree Absolute when you haven't even talked about where you will live!!!! And how you'll manage you big and biggest asset!

mintoil · 10/01/2016 12:25

Even if they aren't his DC,they could still be classed as "children of the marriage." It all depends on the circumstances.

My friend was allowed to keep the former marital home when she divorced, despite the fact her two DC were not her husbands. Their father was dead.

Even with a DIY divorce, the judge will need to see the full financial statements and financial settlement plus the statement of arrangements for children ( which includes where they will live) before they will sign it off.

mintoil · 10/01/2016 12:26

Sorry, cross post cabrinha Smile

Cabrinha · 10/01/2016 12:32

OK, I searched your name, they're his kids - good, he has a responsibility to house them.

His name on the deeds is not an issue here - it's his name being on the mortgage that's the problem I think, as he can't now get another mortgage.

First you need to decide what a fair split should be. That's not easy, and there are no hard and fast rules in law. But for example, if he paid a massive deposit from money he saved before he met you, you might both decide he was owed more from the house.

You also need to understand if there's any equity in the house - is it worth more than your mortgage? If it isn't, there may not be much to buy out!

How is this being balanced against other assets? Does he have a better pension than you (especially as you made a decision to work PT after kids?)? It's very common for a couple to agree that the husband keeps his pension but in return gives up the house. It's a practical way of avoiding having to find buy out money.

You really really need to see a solicitor about this, before you agree something detrimental with long term consequences! It's not about not being amicable, it's about being fair - and protecting BOTH of you legally.

For example, even if a 50/50 split would have been fair 2 years ago, you've paid the mortgage for 2 years - so you should have more now.

As a PP said, some mortgage providers will count tax credits. A very few will count your maintenance - you need an independent broker to help find one.

Your youngest is 2 - time to go back to when FT so you can take over the mortgage? Could be the fairest thing to do.

Please, do not skimp on going to see a solicitor, this is so so important!

Original poster
shortcrust · 10/01/2016 16:26

cant afford a solicitor! I don't see why I should get some of his pension? that's his money!

OP posts:
HandyWoman · 10/01/2016 16:31

Mate you can't afford NOT to see a solicitor! Can't see how a divorce will be granted with no provision made for the children's residency/contact/upkeep. It's madness to go DIY divorce in these circumstances.

kittybiscuits · 10/01/2016 16:35

All assets of a marriage go into the pot when dividing assets in a divorce.

Original poster
shortcrust · 10/01/2016 16:36

Well we put all the details of our situation in the papers and we absolute goes through on the 21st.....

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 10/01/2016 16:37

You can't afford to NOT see a solicitor as this isn't just about you and your somewhat skewed priorities; it's also about long term security for your dc.

Some solicitors who specialise in divorce and family law offer a free intial consultation and you're best advised to take advantage of one of these offers and post on the Legal or Divorce boards for further advice.

Whatever else you do, or don't do, make sure that you get the financial and childcare arrangements settled BEFORE either of you applies for the decree Absolute

goddessofsmallthings · 10/01/2016 16:40

You have taken the path of absolute madness and I can only assume that the divorce court is not aware that there are children of the marriage.

Original poster
shortcrust · 10/01/2016 16:41

why? What would happen? I don't see why we cant just agree something between ourselves? Call me naïve, maybe I am....but hey...im not experienced in divorce!

OP posts:
Original poster
shortcrust · 10/01/2016 16:42

They do know...they ask about everything in those d papers!

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 10/01/2016 16:49

Don't be so foolish when your dcs future is at stake, please

TempusEedjit · 10/01/2016 16:51

Usual procedure is Nisi, consent order (or court order if unable to agree finances), then Absolute.

You can get an Absolute without a consent order but I don't think it's ever advised as your ex could lay claim to your assets at any time in the future. So if you had a lottery win, inheritance, started a successful business when your DC are older etc.

You might be amicable now but you'll often find that the dynamic changes considerably when new partners come into the equation on either side.

It doesn't have to cost a lot to formalise finances properly...why on earth wouldn't you want to?

TempusEedjit · 10/01/2016 16:55

Btw his pension for the time you were together would have come out of your family finances so of course you are entitled to either a share in it something in lieu of it.

Original poster
shortcrust · 10/01/2016 16:56

Ive come on here to ask for help, not for nasty comments. My children are the reason I am asking! I applied for this divorce with the agreement of mu stbxh and we explained everything about our situation in the papers.

The divorce was granted regards this. So the court is happy with this agreement. Which did surprise me.

Im not sure were most of your sources are coming from maybe from personal experience, I don't know, but me and my childrens dad are still good friends and neither of us are going to do anything which will effect our hchildrens future....the fact we are separating is bad enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
shortcrust · 10/01/2016 16:58

we both have new partners, thank you, and are still happy.

OP posts:
SoftDriftedSnow · 10/01/2016 17:01

Of course your ex is happy. This is a great deal for him.

Seriously, run your situation past a solicitor. It will be the best money you've ever spent.

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