our home and divorce

[shortcrust]

Hello everyone.

I was wondering if anyone could give me and answer or advice.

Me and my ex divorce is to be finalised in a couple weeks, and hes asked to talk about what we are going to do about the house we bought together

I am currently living in it now with my 2 children and pay the full mortgage on it. My ex was paying half up until about 2 years ago.

There is no way I can afford to buy him out and I want to keep it as Its a better option for my children, but how can we do this? He wants his name off the deeds.

What happens when I do eventually sell it? I'm not the sort to leave him high and dry! ( we are still amicable )

Could I just write up a personal agreement between us that when I do come to sell it, he will get what he is entitled to money wise? But then that wouldn't leave each of us much to get a house! I'm rubbish at all this legal stuff!!

I must add that I am only working part time at the minute due to having young children so getting a mortgage or re mortgage is out of the question. I have already been told this by an estate agent.

Thank you in advance for any help.

Caroline.

Half of you arnt getting the full picture here. Just answer the question asked without the snobby comments. Thank you.

I am speaking from experience of my own (amicable) divorce and that of friends and aquaintances.

There is nothing to say that your ex won't have a new partner at some point in the future who might not be happy that you and your ex are still financially connected. You said in your OP you are rubbish at legal stuff so why are you dismissing the advice you've been given as nasty because we've not said "no problem, you can sort everything between you informally?

Saying that Im not thinking about my childrens future.....

Btw there is a Legal section on here which attracts different posters, maybe try posting there.

I would also recommend (if I'm allowed to by MN) the Wikivorce website.

I wish you all the best.

regarding the new partners....our situation has nothing to do with them anyway...

You need to be making an informed decision and know exactly what you are proposing to forfeit. Then you can figure out what to do with the house. The solution may be simpler than you think once you know the whole picture.

Just lost a long reply aaaargh!

Look - basically - don't be stupid.

If you think you can't afford a few £100 to find out from a solicitor what is normal and wise, then you absolutely can't afford to disadvantage yourself AND YOUR CHILDREN.

When you have to sell to give him his money, and you're insecure in rented and moving the kids YET AGAIN whilst he's just had a nice cash injection to take his new family off to Disneyland you will be fucking kicking yourself!!

Protect your children's secure home. Please.

I would think that when I did come to sell the house that I would split the price less the amount of when he stopped paying his half and the deposit which was his.

how do I protect it though? He cant force me out can he??

And thank you Cabrinah for your blunt but constructive help!

You don't think new partners in future could possibly influence your situation?

Oh come on love, you're not that naïve.

What are you thinking of proposing in this personal agreement that you WILL make mistakes in, because you don't understand 'legal stuff'?

That he gets 50% of the equity in the house when your 2yo is 18?
Well for starters, let's hope you write equity not value.
And is he going to get 50% when you actually paid the mortgage for the last 16 years?

You have to get this RIGHT. Don't fuck it up to avoid paying hundreds not thousands in solicitor fees now.

regarding the new partners....our situation has nothing to do with them anyway...

You only have to look at real life or read the many, many posts on Mumsnet and elsewhere of problems caused when previously "good" exes get together with a new partner who stirs thing up because they don't like the way things are being done. It's also natural to feel less and less obligation to your ex as time goes on (or if you don't, then it's common for new partners to feel threatened by exes who are in their eyes 'too close').

Why bother getting divorced at all if you're not going to separate things out properly?

Cross post!

This is my point... Don't agree to split the price!

Say you agree to pay him 50% of the selling price.
And you sell for £100K.
You've signed to say he gets £50K.
Lovely.
Except you still have £40K mortgage on the place.
You should have been splitting the £60K equity.

There's a reason solicitors are used for this stuff!

Also... his deposit. Say that was £20K. You just proposed giving him his £20K back. Why shouldn't he get the growth on that? So if the deposit was 20% of the value at time of purchase, his deposit 'buys' him 20% of the new value. So you could trying to find £40K, £60K in future, if property rises in value.

What if you save hard and put a conservatory on, redo the kitchen, convert the loft? Why should he benefit from the improved value when you paid for it?!

It's not simple, and it's why you need to see a solicitor.

He may not be an arse, but nothing destroys an amicable relationship quicker than a misunderstanding over money, or disagreement about what is fair!

How's he doing with paying FAIR (not CMS minimum) at the moment?

This house wouldn't have much if any equity when I come to sell it, we bought in 2007 just before the recession started. so we lost on it straight away...ive have it valued since and we were in negative equity.

Why wouldn't he get half the value of the house not just the equity?

what you mean paring fair?? sorry!

Tempus is right - read the threads on here.

I'll make one up. "I really want to have a year off with my new baby. But we can't afford it. We're in rented that costs a fortune because my DH can't get a mortgage because he's on the XW's house mortgage. Meanwhile, she's sat in a nicer house than us, and guess what? Only works part time. AIBU to think she should sell up now so my DH can come off the mortgage, and we can buy and afford for me to have more maternity leave? I don't want to leave my baby in a nursery at 4 months, whilst XW is working part time with her 8 and 10yo. AIBU?"

You see stuff like that on here. In that situation, will your XH tell his new, pregnant, wife tough luck? Or will he tell you it's time to sell?

The maintenance. Firstly - does he pay it on time, in full, no griping?

And if he does, does he just pay the minimum the CMS suggests, or does he pay what the two of you have agreed is a fair amount that truly reflects the costs of bringing the kids up?

"why? What would happen? I don't see why we cant just agree something between ourselves? Call me naïve, maybe I am....but hey...im not experienced in divorce!"

Well that does say something!. If you are all amicable re this matter then fine, but are you sure your getting everything you are entitled to?. Unless very little money and or assets are involved then you can get away with DIY but house, mortgage and pensions and matters of childcare maintenance and support?.

Then you really should have some legal support and involvement!

How can you possibly know you won't have equity in it when you come to sell?!

Markets move all the time. In 15 years, it could be higher than the 2007 price and be mid boom! Plus you'll have paid off lots of mortgage. Or a new high speed train line could open not far away, or an Olympic stadium could be built, or a local secondary get an excellent head and the area becomes desirable due schooling and you get a surge in properly values!

he pays what he is meant to.

To get all your agreements protected you need a solicitor. For the sakes of your children's future, see a solicitor.

Hang on...

NEGATIVE EQUITY?!!!

But him out!

Because it will cost you... nothing!
Unfortunately (and not a criticism) the pair of you made a bad investment - at this time.

I would say "look mate, I'm doing you a favour taking on a house rage worth less than the mortgage". Or rather, I'd get a solicitor to tell him that.

Let's say he put down £10K.
Your house cost £100K.
£90K mortgage.

Now the house is worth £80K - negative equity of £10K.

You work your arse off, pay off the £90 yourself over the next 16 years.

In 16 years time, we're in deep recession. Your house is now only worth £50K.

And you have to find £10K for him, to give him back his deposit?!

No - bad luck, he lost his deposit.

FFS don't promise him money from a house in negative equity! He already lost his money. Not his fault, not yours.

I never got a solicitor involved because I didn't think I had to, I was told tht as long as we have agreed on the CM that we would be ok doing it without a middle man.

I don't receive work tax credits, I only work 5 hours a week.

Im not sure what else im entitled to if anything apart from the CM.... I wouldn't know about his pension...or how I would get it. I just feel I would look like a money grabber which im not at all!

I thought that if I came to sell the house, he would get what he has put into it from us buying it until he stopped paying?? Is that stupid!?

Thanks for your time btw! And I will look into seeing a solicitor. definitely.

shortcrust no you're not stupid but it's clear you have made a lot of assumptions about how you think things should work. It's not necessarily the same as how things will actually work. I'm glad you will be seeking legal advice. In the meantime DO NOT ALLOW THE ABSOLUTE TO BE GRANTED otherwise you will have no leverage whatsoever in order to negotiate.

Please try and get your head around the pension, it's not his, it's the family's. Think about it this way, had you not split up and stayed together till retirement age, would you expect your husband's pension to be entirely for use by himself alone while you yourself scrimp and save even though his contributions towards it were partially financed by you working part time to enable him to work full time?

This is why it's taken into consideration by the courts, nothing to do with money grabbing.

If he paid a 20% deposit and the house lost 10% in value the deposit has gone down 20% as well. Same in gains. 50% increase sends his deposit up.

You need legal advise depending on who has the kids more and it's their home.

Friend of mine has had to move 4 times in as many years in renting due to house sale home owner moving back in etc .... You need security