When your Dh calls you by another women's name while drunk!!

[Louisa111]

New Year's Eve started off quite well, we had a few drinks and was quite merry, dh more so than me when he called me by another women's name. I was ok with it at the time , in fact I laughed but as the days go on and I'm now sober is this a major red flag??

The woman in question was someone I was wary of in the past, suspected an affair but was very insecure in myself having not long had Dd, she's a work colleauge and we had spoken about her that evening , me saying I felt silly for spending a lot time worrying about this girl, him stressing that nothing ever went on, he loves me. It was all light-hearted chatter...something that was needed. Then a hour or two later he calls me by her name, I was in another room and he called out...just wasn't my name he called.

Should I just forget this or be on my guard yet again???

Hmm, that's a bit dodgy!

I admit, whilst drunk, I have called my DH by my ExH name. Only ever in an argument (which is because his name has negative connotations for me). But I was with ExH for 20 years, and think that's a fair enough excuse for a very occasional slip up, especially if drunk.

I can't imagine calling DH by the name of someone I've never been with!

I think us women have a pretty good radar. If you felt wary of this woman in the past, I suspect your inclinations were spot on.

In your circs, I would be checking his phone/e-mail/FB. Yes, it's sneaky, but I don't care - self preservation comes first. The first sign of cheating is being secretive with his phone.

Did he do it because you had been talking about her and he was still thinking about her? How did he react when he said it? It could just be an innocent mistake.

I've been there and done that and checked messages etc, a long time back mind you as he found out and reacted badly, changed passwords etc. He says he has now changed them back but I've never bothered again as it was a massive issue for him that I didn't trust him so I just let it be.

His reaction was to immediately say sorry, I can't believe I called you that, kissed me and asked if I was ok. At the time I laughed it off but days later, mmmm really not so sure!! Just keep thinking about it.

I would check phone but his code has changed on that, I never mentioned it a while back as he would know I've been trying to check phone.
We even had the conversation on New Year's Eve that he would never do it, never risk anything like that to lose everything. It sort if out closure on everything until he said her name

Why not tell him that you laughed at the time but now you are upset by it. See what he says.

What made you suspect an affair? And why was ight-hearted chatter with another woman 'needed'?

Light-hearted.

I'm afraid I do this all the time. I kick myself every time. It means nothing - I loath my exh, but he was an enormous part of our lives. It's worse if people have been talking about him though. I also used to call my exh by my brothers name, so it's not necessarily sinister.

I think it's different calling your partner by your exe's name and calling them after someone you work with. Partner called me by his exes name once. We'd been together 2 years or so and remember at the time being pissed off. However, thinking about it now he'd been with her for 15 years so obviously someone who'd been (and still was because of the kids ) a big part of his life.
I would say if you call someone by a different name it's usually someone in the same league for instance, getting your kids names mixed up ,calling a work colleague by a different work colleagues name etc... So the fact your husband called you ,his wife, after a colleague he worked with a while back is slightly concerning if she hadn't popped up in any other conversation that night.

I spend a lot of time at work working with someone of the opposite sex and I have never called my DH by his name. I would say you are right to have concerns and you might want to think about your options for raising it with him.

I've put myself in his shoes and don't think I've ever calked him by any other name for any other reason. Not sure what to take from it tbh, other than I feel
Uneasy about it.
I really thought we had turned a corner to do with her, I was feeling better about it all. I did suspect an affair for a long time but had no proof of anything just suspicious behaviour .

I work very closely with my boss and have used his name by mistake when speaking to my husband. My boss is in his 60's, overweight and smells like an ashtray. So what I am saying is try not to read too much into it. However if you do feel sonething is not right then just keep a closer eye on your husband. Have there been any other signs?

Has he ever called you by -other- names, by accident? Or other people by the wrong names? If he has, maybe there's a pattern of getting the name wrong which is most likely his memory farting.

What was the suspicious behaviour?

I think as he'd been drinking and you'd been discussing her that evening, it probably was just a slip up.
But, if you're upset about it, you should be able to tell him.

Clearly it was a slip, but was it a Freudian slip?

I'd be suspicious as it implies some kind of parity in the way he sees the two of you. (Hence the examples of calling partners by exes names).

I've called my boyfriend by housemates name before. Not remotely interested in the guy (the housemate) I'd just been used to shouting his name across the room. Nothing to do with any kind of parity I'm how I saw them.

Housemate's in

You're not suspected of having an affair with said housemate, so it's a different scenario. However there is different kind of parity in your case as you live with your housemate so you're around him all the time.

DH doesn't live with this woman. Supposedly he doesn't think about her.

I think it's different calling your partner by your exe's name and calling them after someone you work with
Totally agree.
I still sometimes almost call my OH by my ExH name.
He called me by the name of his ExW on NY Day but that is standard.
I can't imagine ever calling him buy a guys name at work! That would be weird.
I'd have alarm bells ringing.
Ask him outright if you can check his phone as you don't feel good about the incorrect name calling incident. See what he says.

My daughter once called me by her boyfriends name, and she was sober, plus our names are not even remotely similar. I was like hmmm, oooo-k.

I think it's got to do with repeat actions... You call a new boyfriend by your ex's name in a heated argument if you often bickered with your ex and it feels like you're having the same argument.

If they work together and it's in an environment that is loud, they're not sitting at desks all day, I can see why auto pilot might come on when brain says shout to get "her" attention ... If he's often use to shouting her name, could happen.

However, I'd expect that he'd randomly called me other colleagues' names, not just her. As that implies they're particularly close at work.

They don't work in the same building anymore, I'm lead to believe they have one or two quick work related phone calls a week that's the only contact.
It's just odd tbh

Any more advice on this??

If it is a one off mistake, then I think it was probably innocent.
But if there are other alarm bells ringing in your relationship, you probably do have a problem.
It is a really weird thing to do though. YANBU to be worried about it.