AARGH!! I've survived Domestic violence!! But!!.......

[BURNINGTHECANDLE]

Oh God!!! Aargh!? This year has been a rollercoaster I had a baby ok end of last year!! Dd is beautiful and I love her dearly!
Survived domestic violence, threw my NOT so DH out saw a successful court case against him for Battery and criminal damage. Passed my driving test and am in the process of divorcing DH! Have had to learnt to cope as a single mother ok not so hard she is just so lovely although has an overwhelming urge to destroy everything!!
Have joined a dating website although not immensly serious about that!! More of a distraction.
I look like I've really got it together I'm off the Ad's for PND, and most of the time I do have it together.
BUT!....There are times when I feel so sad not depressed not miserable just deep deep sadness, and it hurts so much and I feel so alone with that feeling, no-one knows..and I wouldn't want them to, as I am the one they see as coping fantastically!
Spiralling into deeply feeling sorry for herself!!! TUT
So why? Why won't that big hole inside me just heal up?
I've come through a long dark tunnel and am slowly emerging into the sunlight the otherside! I have a lovely DD,
So I just want this hole inside me not to be quite so big!

Good on you, BTC! What a positive attitude! You are still very young & can get on with your life without all the fear & stress that you had with your H. It is really good to hear you sounding so upbeat.

I got through Christmas without breaking down, but the boys were struck down with a sickness bug just before the big day, so I didn't have time to think much!
I have been much calmer than I thought, but this morning I lost it badly & felt terrified of all I will be facing in the New Year. I have started a new post on MN too, so my break didn't last long!

All the best for 2007 - let's hope it's a good year for you.

Oh blurgh puckie bug at Crimbo not nice! I know about the other thread have just left long a detailed msg for you xx
Me thinks 2007 could be absolutly brilliant!

Burningthecandle. Thank you for your info. Yes The cycle I'm in the nice bit now. I live in the north west.
That book I reccomended earlier has turned my head around and everything that's said I know why and for what. I.e. I have had no car for at least a year now (2 cars on front waiting to be fixed). My kids go to a school/nursery a couple of miles away. I have to take them there for 9am pick one back up at 11:30 then the other at 3:15. All of us walking with one pram. That 3 trips a day each a couple of miles it takes me 45 mins each way. I also have back and pelvis problems which do not help. (both kids still toddlers really) Great fun there are no buses from my end of town to the school. The day he broke up from work he said (we live by train station & his work is by a train station) he would get the train as his boss had said I could use the car until we sorted one of ours out. Funnily enough a week later and Hubby back at work who has the car - Hubby. But he got out of me asking through the hols when he will get around to fixing the car. Not daft are they? But I am learning and pretty much at the end of my patience with the situation, I know that I cannot go on like this and I have made NYR this year to sort this out. But I do feel happier and more motivated this year. This is my year.

BTC - I am glad you are in such a better place. You deserve it.
Happy new year to all and I hope xams went well.

Good for you! I will be watching for any posts on further developments and really hope that things work out right for you and all the little ones!! Thanks for letting me know how things are going!!