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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ten days no contact

43 replies

Cherrycrystal · 28/12/2015 19:46

This thread is exactly what the title suggests.
I made it to ten days no contact, yesterday to be precise.
He text me out of the blue and wished me a happy Christmas, I replied to say happy Christmas and ask how his was (I now realise how hard no contact truly is, I am not strong enough to cut him out altogether yet apparently). He replied, asked me about mine and I asked him about an issue he'd mentioned (this always happens in our relationship) when he replied I sent him a final text accepting it must be hard for him right now.
Then, thirty minutes later I text him a question regarding his situation and he didn't reply.
I'm not surprised, I accept he doesn't want me, I accept he and I will never be together.
My question is how do you remain strong and not reply when they text? I thought he wouldn't break the silence and I'd be free. Instead I'm waiting anxiously for the next text hoping I have the strength to ignore it or at the very least tell him I'm done.

OP posts:

Supermanspants · 28/12/2015 19:53

You just don't respond. It's hard but doable. There is no magic secret to NC. If he texts again do not respond. If you do you will continue to be in this horrible mindset which is making you feel like shit. Do you want that?
I actually took real strength from going NC with someone.

Joysmum · 28/12/2015 19:54

Delete and block. Less temptation that way.

Angleshades · 28/12/2015 19:56

You could try blocking his number. That way you'd never be waiting for his call as you'd know it couldn't get through anyway so in that sense you'd be free.

BeyonceRiRiMadonnna · 28/12/2015 19:59

If you have an iPhone block his number so that you don't receive texts from him in the future.

I decided to go NC with "the love of my life" I'd convinced myself he is/was the love of my life, but he simply just wasn't that into me, bitter BITTER pill to swallow but I just couldn't live with the "living in hope", praying he'll pop the question and all that jazz, finally the shackles have come off. Give it time, be kind to yourself.

scarednoob · 28/12/2015 20:10

Because you could be the reincarnation of Shakespeare and there would still be nothing you could write that would be as eloquent as silence.

When this happened with my ex, I eventually got here: if I don't reply and he doesn't care, nothing will make him care. So it's better to say nothing. If I don't reply and he does care, he will chase me for a reply.

You have to remember how awful you feel when you give in, text, and then hear nothing. It's so so hard and mobile phones do not help. If you only had a land line, you wouldn't call him!

pocketsaviour · 28/12/2015 20:18

My question is how do you remain strong and not reply when they text?

You block his number. Just do it. Google "how to block number [my phone model]" if you're not sure how to do it.

Unless your phone is held together with bits of strong and wire, it'll be possible to do so, trust me.

uneistheloneliestnumber · 28/12/2015 20:21

I've had to do this before op and it is so so so hard.

Original poster

Cherrycrystal · 28/12/2015 20:28

Thank you all.
I don't know if I can block him. I googled it and it said that texts will still be received.
I have an iPhone, is this true?
I so want to have the strength to block him.

I need to get the strength from somewhere, the good news is 10 days has given me time to think and I realise that he would have text me a lot earlier if he really cared.
Just wish I could stick by my decision.

Scarednoob - that is true, silence is a lot more effective.

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 28/12/2015 20:28

IME it has to be nothing at all. You can't be mates with someone when there are feelings there.

scarednoob · 28/12/2015 20:55

Have you read "it's called a break up because it's broken"? That book was my bible!!

wishingchair · 28/12/2015 20:59

With an iPhone you won't get texts or calls but will still get voicemail messages.

I find this really hard - convince myself that lack of reply was due to him being busy/forgetting/whatever. Reality is he'd be in touch if he wanted to be and best way for me is to delete old messages and block of necessary. Good luck X

experiencedpresenthider · 28/12/2015 21:05

I know it doesn't feel like it now OP, but you are doing really well. I was in a similar position to you, and know how hard it is, but I promise you that one day you will see a message from him and you will feel nothing at all. It is difficult getting to that point and you may slip once or twice, but it is completely worth it.

Original poster

Cherrycrystal · 28/12/2015 21:28

I will have to build the courage to block him, he doesn't want me so I have to take this step to block him out of my life forever.
I was feeling so strong, I even spent Christmas Day thinking how next year I could be with a man who deserves me and treats me well. Now although I don't want to text him first, I'm worried if he texts me again I'll lose that hope and go back to him.
Scarednoob - I'll look for that book, I could do with a good read.

OP posts:

scarednoob · 28/12/2015 21:52

You'll get it on amazon for a few pence now, it's a few years old. It's nothing you don't know, but it does the impossible and makes you laugh at it. Lots of luck, I've been there - dated for 3 months, broke up over 3 years! - and it's awful.

But after I finally stuck to NC, I met someone else, and now have the most beautiful snoring 3 month old DD in the world. that would never have happened if I'd stayed in touch with the ex-tosser!!!

Eachleechsparethumb · 28/12/2015 21:55

You can block on iPhone and that's what you need to do.

Fckup · 28/12/2015 22:03

Well done, just take 1 day at a time.

AnyFucker · 28/12/2015 22:07

if there has been NC for 10 days how could you ask him how his Christmas was ?

CalleighDoodle · 28/12/2015 22:15

You can certainly block a number on a iPhone. Do it now.

Original poster

Cherrycrystal · 29/12/2015 06:43

AF - he text me first on Boxing Day
Scarednoob - I hope my story has as happy an ending.
Thank you all for your responses, I'm spending today persuading myself to block him.

OP posts:

scarednoob · 29/12/2015 07:55

Something else that helped me was the fear that he would tell me he'd met someone else. Permanent blissful silence is so much better than texting whilst he's out - then suddenly he stops and you're left panicking in a sick stew of fear that he has pulled, and kicking yourself for getting sucked in again. My ex was far too useless to pull, but I still tortured myself like that for so long.

You will get the same ending if you want it. If you know honestly that it won't be with him, cut him off and that's your first step. It will suck giant hairy donkey dick at first, but after a month or so, it's so much easier.

scarednoob · 29/12/2015 07:57

There's a quote for it - "utter despair poisoned still further by a shred of hope" (I'd love to say i read the original, but I found it in jilly cooper...) - you have to kill that bit of hope. Then the despair lifts before you know it and you can move on!

Suddenlyseymour · 29/12/2015 08:33

Iphone blocking - go to phone, contacts, select his, edit, scroll right to the bottom. Says "block this contact" - select. DONE! This then changes to "unblock this contact" so, ease yourself in, try it for a couple of hours, half a day, you will begin to realise the peace it gives you after the anxiety lifts. Then do it permanently!

Thankgodforthat · 29/12/2015 08:43

Why don't you block him now? You don't need to build up to it, you just press a button. It was the only thing that helped me when I was in your position and I was amazed at how freeing it was. No more checking my phone constantly or those feelings of anticipation or disappointment and being on tenterhooks all the time.

Try it and see how you feel.

BlueBetty · 29/12/2015 10:48

I completely understand how hard this is for you. I know some people are tougher and a bit more saucy than me. I find it really hard to actually block or ignore someone.

Would say though...I do agree it's the best thing to do :(

Joysmum · 29/12/2015 11:02

Would be harder to block and delete than to keep being let down and keeping g a false hope alive?

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