Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men jumping into bed with someone else after a split

51 replies

HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 19:23

Do you think men see sex diferrently to women?

I just split from my ex (I ended it) and within a week he slept with someone else. I was gutted there was no mourning period as I couldn't have thought of anything worse than being with someone else after him like that and it really hurt me and made me feel I meant nothing to him.

Are not all people like me?

OP posts:
BackInTheRealWorld · 21/12/2015 19:29

But YOU finished it? I think he is entitled to do whatever he wants to feel better.

BackInTheRealWorld · 21/12/2015 19:31

It's been a couple of years since I dumped my ex....am still hoping he will meet someone and move the fuck on.

Original poster
HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 19:31

Sometimes you finish things with people you love because it's not working, not because you don't want or love them.

OP posts:
CwtchMeQuick · 21/12/2015 19:32

I don't think its a difference between men and women, it's just people are different.
It makes some people feel better to sleep with someone else, others can't think of anything worse.
If my ex ended it with me and was then offended id slept with someone else I'd be telling him where to go.
Although I can see why you might be hurt

Original poster
HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 19:33

I didn't dump him. That's the wrong word. I ended the relationship because it was hurting me, and leaving was the option that felt like I was moving into healing.

Him immediately jumping into bed with someone else made me feel like he couldn't have cared less.

OP posts:
annandale · 21/12/2015 19:34

I thought of myself as single for three years after splitting from xh but in fact I had a couple of ONS with an ex fairly soon afterwards. Because he was an ex I didn't really count it Blush

Xh went out with someone six weeks after we split and afaik he is still with her 15 years later. I think men are often much more romantic than women and seem to like relationships more than women do.

hereiamagain22 · 21/12/2015 19:34

When my ex dumped me within a couple of weeks I'd hooked up again with an old fwb. It made me feel better. Why not?

Original poster
HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 19:35

Well that's okay if he did it to feel better. Rather than just "NExt!!!!"

OP posts:
MyGastIsFlabbered · 21/12/2015 19:36

I was dumped 2 weeks ago, if I'd had the opportunity I'd have shagged someone else by now. It's an ego boost.

BackInTheRealWorld · 21/12/2015 19:39

Maybe you need to move on too. What he does is nothing to do with you anymore.
I mean that nicely btw.

DontBuyANewElfCashmere · 21/12/2015 19:46

"within a week he slept with someone else."
"immediately jumping into bed with someone."
I'd say if it wasn't the very same day you dumped broke things off with him then you can't really be upset by what he does.
I have had ONSs after break ups before, fairly soon after. If my XPs had broke up with me then been pissed off I wasn't sitting alone crying I'd have been pretty annoyed.

Anyway, Flowers breaking up with someone is nearly always crap for everyone. Feel better soon OP.

Original poster
HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 20:00

Moving on for me is about taking time to grieve what I lost. Maybe not the same for everyone, so I find it hard to understand.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 21/12/2015 20:01

You did dump him.
When I last got dumped, I had my profile on Match within a week.

Sometimes, it's an ego boost.
Sometimes, your ego is fine but you know the distraction of new messages and dates helps you not to dwell.
Sometimes, you're not heartbroken the person dumping you just got in first. So it's quite easy to move on.

The main one for me is distraction - it's actually proof that I am upset that I need the distraction!

BackInTheRealWorld · 21/12/2015 20:03

Honestly I think you have a cheek. You dumped him. You don't get to set his mourning period.
Move on and let him get over it his own way.

Cabrinha · 21/12/2015 20:04

One person's "healing grieving" is another person's "pointless dwelling".
Neither approach means the previous relationship was more or less than anything.

Remember that the post relationship behaviour is about the PERSON not the RELATIONSHIP.

It's his personality driving his actions, not any judgement on your relationship.

Original poster
HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 20:06

You're making a big assumption that he slept with her to get over it. He knew her before he even met me. He might well have been wanting to do it beforehand. If you knew why I ended it you'd understand, but I'm too tired and upset to type. He didn't leave me with much choice but to end it. All I am upset about was that he was capable of being phsyical with someone else so quickly. I couldn't think of anything worse. I'd probably cry if someone else was with me like that

OP posts:
HamaTime · 21/12/2015 20:07

I like sex and I wouldn't turn down sex I wanted to spare the feelings of someone who dumped me. It wouldn't actually occur to me that they might mind tbh, although I would''t be telling them. I'm horny, not crass.

HooseRice · 21/12/2015 20:07

I think it's a great idea to move on quickly if you've been dumped. I have done in the past.

What he does, now you've finished, and however you finished, is, with respect, none of your business.

Original poster
HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 20:08

He didn't tell me.

She did.

OP posts:
MyGastIsFlabbered · 21/12/2015 20:11

Do you honestly think they did or is she just being a bitch?

Original poster
HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 20:13

Well she was undoubtedly being a bitch but he admitted it.

OP posts:
Twinklefuck · 21/12/2015 20:13

I think more men in general can separate feelings and sex, whereas many women can't. I've talked about similar stuff with dh and that what he came up with and I have to say I agree. Men can have sex and not equate that as emotional (as some women can I'm sure) and more women than not would have the feelings.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/12/2015 20:14

What did you want him to do OP?

You seem to want him to be 'in pieces' about this, and your ego has suffered a blow.

You seem to still be quite attached to someone that you dumped, I wonder if you thought that dumping him would make him change?

Cabrinha · 21/12/2015 20:14

To be fair, it's not a big assumption, it's a reasonable assumption. I'm sorry you're too upset to give details, but you'll get responses that you don't think are appropriate to the situation if you don't say what's going on.

So it sounds like he's a shit and you've had to cut loose reluctantly? In which case, well done you for doing it.

The kind of person who gets tied up with a friend who is going to rub your nose in sleeping with him sounds like he's be a bit of a shit.

My other comments still stand though - loads of people hook up elsewhere quickly, regardless of the relationship.

Worst case scenario: you're right, he didn't care. Well - yeah that would hurt, but it just validates that you did the right thing.

Original poster
HDTVontheblink · 21/12/2015 20:15

I wanted him to have a wakeup call and realise he had to stop being half arsed with me.

I didn't expect him to think "oh fuck it, next!"

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread