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Original poster

Am I being a prude?

35 replies

InvoluntaryCelibacy · 16/12/2015 23:26

Hi I'm new to dating and have been speaking to a man for about a week and a half and twice he has tried to the steer the conversation in a way in which he can send me a photo of him shirtless

Should I let him? I suppose it could be flirting. I'm a bit out of a touch with flirting having not engaged with a man in any way for nearly 2 years.

I have tried to steer the conversation away myself because I just don't know what looking at a chest is supposed to do for me. Am i supposed to be turned on by a picture of a chest? I'd much rather save the sexting crap and flirt in person (when i can find the time - single parent)

Am i being a prude? what do you think?

OP posts:
horseygeorgie · 16/12/2015 23:28

Nope, dump and run. Shirtless WILL turn into more anatomy. Decent guys don't want to send half naked pics a week and a half after chatting to someone.

Trust your instincts.

Original poster
InvoluntaryCelibacy · 16/12/2015 23:31

Thanks horseygeorgie my instincts did feel it was a bit weird but i doubted myself by thinking maybe that's just what the dating world is like these days and im behind the times

OP posts:
horseygeorgie · 16/12/2015 23:40

Nope. You wouldn't offer to send half naked pics to a stranger would you!? Its no different with men.

BackInTheRealWorld · 16/12/2015 23:41

It's not about being a prude, it's about finding someone who is on the same wavelength as you. He obviously isn't.
Next!

purpledasies · 16/12/2015 23:48

I'd find that rather odd. Even of he's sexy I wouldn't want to ogle over a picture. And I'd worry he'll want you to reciprocate

Original poster
InvoluntaryCelibacy · 16/12/2015 23:59

purpledasies he's sort of already asked for a boob picture in a jokey way but I passed that off as flirting and i didn't send one. and he tries to sext too. I'm really not into that it just makes me cringe. I ignore it and he doesn't insist on carrying it on

Think I should fuck him off then? I have 60 messages waiting for me in my inbox so it won't take me long to find the next one

OP posts:
purpledasies · 17/12/2015 00:04

Wow, you must have a bloody good profile! I'd leave him and move on to someone else. If he's making you feel uncomfortable that's not a great start.

MissApple · 17/12/2015 00:33

what a creep! Sexual harassment or what! Bloody dump and run!

Destinysdaughter · 17/12/2015 00:35

No you're not a prude. He's just after casual sex. Agree dump and run!

DiscoSpider · 17/12/2015 00:40

While you can't necessarily conclude he's just after casual sex from the fact he wants to send you a shirtless pic, if you're not into it there's not much point in continuing. A few weeks into chatting and you've already found several points of incompatibility, why bother?

I do find it funny when they're desperate to send you pictures though. Like you'll go "yeah he was alright before but now I've seen him flexing his muscles in his dirty bathroom I am TOTALLY into him and must show him pictures of my boobs immediately".

Original poster
InvoluntaryCelibacy · 17/12/2015 00:47

DiscoSpider He doesn't carry on the conversation when I dart away from the picspeak nor does he carry on with sexual sort of texting. do you think he could be testing the waters? or does he sound like he just wants a bit of fanny?

I'm really really crap at picking suitors so I'm trying to be extra careful

I googled why do men send dick pics. Found a pretty good explanation actually! men are weird creatures

here's a link if anyone fancies a read: www.refinery29.com/why-men-send-nude-dick-pictures#slide

OP posts:
Destinysdaughter · 17/12/2015 00:58

All the decent men I know would NEVER send naked photos of themselves. And if it's a free dating site then I still think he's just looking for a hook up. Interesting article you linked to, yet again it's about asserting power and control over women...

Drew64 · 17/12/2015 10:46

You are a prude, it's the 21st century and this is how lots of people flirt (My DW and I do)

But...it does not make you wrong.
It's obviously not for you, you've been offered, the thought does nothing for you at all so tell him,

"Sexting and exchanging pictures is not my thing, it does nothing for me"

You should not feel pressurised into this sort of activity if you are not happy with it so if, after you have told him your not into it, and you have to tell him in no uncertain terms, if he continues then steer clear of him and find someone more in tune with you

Drew64 · 17/12/2015 10:52

Sorry, I've just thought about that first sentence and would like to apologise and I've re written it;

You are NOT a prude but there is nothing wrong with sexting and sending pictures.
It's the 21st century and this is how lots of people flirt (My DW and I do)

Sorry xx

BipBippadotta · 17/12/2015 11:04

I don't think you're being a prude at all. It doesn't offend your modesty or moral code, it makes you cringe, and it doesn't turn you on.

If not enjoying something sexual that doesn't turn you on makes you a 'prude' and behind the times of the glorious 21st century, then I despair.

Joysmum · 17/12/2015 11:07

As per Drew, My DH and I are fine with this but we've been together 22 years. No way on earth I'd do this for someone if been seeing only 1.5 weeks.

More than that, no way someone wanting this after only 1.5 weeks would meet my criteria so I'd bin them.

BipBippadotta · 17/12/2015 11:09

Drew I'm glad you retracted your prude comment. Read the OP again, though - I don't think she was saying at all that she thought there was anything wrong with this. Just that she didn't particularly like it.

Bully for you and your DW flirting this way. You both enjoy it. You know each other and are close to one another. You're not, presumably pressuring one another. With any luck you know how to turn each other on and don't make each other cringe! Sounds like this is not what is happening for OP & her virtual suitor.

pocketsaviour · 17/12/2015 11:14

It wouldn't bother me - I like to see a picture before I get my hands on the merchandise - bit it'll you're not into it, you're not into it, and he's probably not for you. Sounds like you're not short of interest so I'd carry on looking if I were you!

pocketsaviour · 17/12/2015 11:14

*But if you're not into it...

mum2mum99 · 17/12/2015 11:19

If you fancy a shag go for it. After 2 years? For something more aka a relationship please run away.

Eminado · 17/12/2015 11:27

Phew Drew - good save!!! I was worried for a sec there

grimbletart · 17/12/2015 11:28

This is not about being a prude. This is about using your common sense. Massive red flag. Dump,dump,dump.

PrimeDirective · 17/12/2015 11:29

I do hate the slut/prude categorisation of women

If you're not into that, it just means you're not into that, it doesn't make you anything other than not being into that.

He obviously is, so tell him you're not and move on.

Sameshitdiffname · 17/12/2015 11:30

He sounds like a crank why would you keep pushing to send shirtless pic!

Drew64 · 17/12/2015 11:30

Sorry, my keyboard skills ran away with me (opened mouth before engaging brain)
I'm just glad I managed to type fast enough for it to be the next displayed post.

OP, just tell him it's not your bag and hopefully he will drop the subject.