Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Suspected cheating or am I just being silly?

46 replies

SequinCoat · 11/12/2015 23:11

DP is a delivery driver he usually gets home 7.30 - 8.00 a few times over the past two weeks he has been coming home much later than that, he claims to have went and see his mum/other family member or a friend. I suspect cheating because he has been switching his phone off which he never does.

Is it what I think it is or am I being silly?

OP posts:
thefourgp · 11/12/2015 23:27

Sorry to say it but you're probably right. When a person suspects their partner is cheating they usually are. Sorry to be blunt as this must be very difficult for you. What are the other symptoms of something wrong in your relationship that make you think this? X

RJnomore1 · 11/12/2015 23:30

It is a few weeks before Christmas, I'd imagine delivery drivers are also working longer. Why automatically think it's another woman? What's your relationship with your mil like, could you ask her if he was there?
It's a huge jump from late from work a couple of times to cheating without any other signs or issues.

Original poster
SequinCoat · 12/12/2015 09:48

Well me and DP argue a lot I'm also pregnant reason I'm suspecting cheating is because he doesn't usually switch off his phone at night. MIL would cover for him.

OP posts:
magoria · 12/12/2015 10:19

Why would he switch off his phone which he never has before to see these people?

Have you asked?

Something is different.

Do you have DC?

magoria · 12/12/2015 10:20

Sorry missed the pregnancy. Bit somehow.

If he is cheating what would you do?

Original poster
SequinCoat · 12/12/2015 13:24

Magoria that is exactly my point, I haven't asked just would cause an argument we have a 9 year old together and if he is cheating he has got to go, I will not stand for that nonsense.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 12/12/2015 13:29

Is this the first time you've suspected something may be going on, or has he got any priors?

Does he guard his phone - never leave it alone with you, have a passcode on it, etc?

Epilepsyhelp · 12/12/2015 13:32

MIL would cover for him if he was cheating?! That must be a pretty awful relationship you have with her.

I wouldn't jump to conclusions but I would definitely be a bit wary. There could be other explanations though, someone could be bothering him, he could be sick of being bothered in the evening by work etc?

Original poster
SequinCoat · 12/12/2015 13:37

Pocket no it isn't the first time I've suspected just didn't have evidence and he'd just accuse me of being crazy, he has a finger print passcode so knows I can't get into it.

Epilepsy if I was to call her and ask if he has been there she would say yes.

OP posts:
RJnomore1 · 12/12/2015 13:57

I don't know what to think about this one to be honest.

RingDownRingUp · 12/12/2015 16:03

Could you try asking him innocently (I.e. Not as though you're accusing him of cheating) to keep his phone switched on so that you can contact him in an emergency because you are pregnant. I'd say something along the lines of 'it's probably my hormones making me worry unnecessarily but it would give me peace of mind to know at I could contact you if something went wrong'. His reaction to that should tell you something.

BloodontheTracks · 12/12/2015 16:50

There isn't enough information here to know, OP, I'm sorry. Why not jut check with the people he said he was with about his visit, casually? It might set your mind at rest.

pocketsaviour · 12/12/2015 17:03

Does he tell you in advance that he's going to his mum's or whoever? Or does he just rock in late and say that's where he's been?

If the former, you could try phoning his mum and saying "Can you put him on for a minute" and then asking him to get you something on the way home, maybe?

If the latter, he's bloody rude anyway and should be at least letting you know what time he'll be home Hmm

pocketsaviour · 12/12/2015 17:05

Or could you ring his mum and say "You know when Mr Sequins was there yesterday, did he leave his watch/wallet/keys there? He hasn't been able to find them."

ImperialBlether · 12/12/2015 17:08

BloodOnTheTracks, she's said her MIL would cover for him.

Also if she rings up with some vague excuse then the message will get back to her husband.

zombiesarecoming · 12/12/2015 17:15

I guess from you saying his phone has a fingerprint passcode that he has an iPhone 6

The 4 digit passcode will still work as well as the fingerprint so if you know it then you can access his phone if you can get hold of it

Bogeyface · 12/12/2015 17:37

Doesnt sound good.

Yes delivery drivers will be working more, but he didnt say that, he said he was visiting people. that in itself isnt an issue but to suddenly start doing it when he has never done it before is odd. That coupled with the phone issue would have me on the side of yes, he is probably up to something he shouldnt be.

I spent years ignoring my instinct, now I listen to it and every single time it has been right :(

Original poster
SequinCoat · 12/12/2015 18:08

He doesn't tell me that he is staying out and I'm not ringing his mum to check up on him, he finishes deliveries at 3o'clock today but still isn't home. He has a 6s and the passcode is 6 digits long.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 12/12/2015 18:50

OK. What do you want from this thread, OP?

None of us can tell you if he's cheating or not. You're not prepared to ring his mum. You can't get into his phone. You say if you ask him there will be an argument.

OTOH if this carries on then I can imagine you will get very stressed, which is not what you want when pregnant.

What do you feel is best for you to do now?

TBH if you're already having arguments I'd probably tell him that staying out long after the end of his shift without notifying you is shit behaviour, and turning his phone off is shit behaviour, and see what he says to that.

If he flies into defensive mode then I'd be suspicious.

Original poster
SequinCoat · 12/12/2015 21:11

He got in just after 8 this evening, asked him where he had been he said "out" and that he doesn't ask me where I have been when I stay out late.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 12/12/2015 21:12

Cheating or not, he doesn't give a shit about your feelings. Sad

RingDownRingUp · 12/12/2015 21:14

He sounds horrible. I would be working out an exit strategy.

TimeToMuskUp · 12/12/2015 21:18

Wow he sounds like he doesn't give a toss what you think or how you feel. Sorry, because it's a dreadful thing to go through at any time let alone when you're pregnant.

Original poster
SequinCoat · 12/12/2015 21:35

I don't want him living with me and my son I've felt this way for a while but if I was to tell him to leave he would say he isn't and probably tell me to leave.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 12/12/2015 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Swipe left for the next trending thread