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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I can't let go but think I have to but I am infatuated! long sorry!

39 replies

crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 14:46

After being married for donkeys years I am now single and have been for a year, had a fun summer but no dates or anything.
Problem is I have been seeing a separated guy for about 6 weeks (known him years) and we have had some brilliant times and very passionate moments (not DTD though).
We discussed things we would do next year together and I was blissfully happy.
We had plans to meet again and said we would finalise on the day but then I got a text saying we can't meet any more as he has too much going on emotionally. I tried to be dignified and said fine I understand we can be friends.

However roll on a few days and I was missing him like crazy so I sent a casual text saying how are you and we had a bit of small talk and I suddenly said I miss you. He replied that he is missing me too and asked if I wanted to meet the next day. I was thrilled but the next day got a text saying I have been on his mind all day but he cant meet me. His heart is saying no his head wants to ??

I am so upset but can't get my head around how he was so full on then this. Is he just not that not into me or do you think he is just putting his young dcs first. I desperately want to see him again but don't want to seem desperate!

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 03/12/2015 14:48

I'm guessing that he's not actually separated...

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 14:49

He 100% is I know him very well. Thanks for replying though

OP posts:
CheersMedea · 03/12/2015 14:51

"as he has too much going on emotionally"

This sounds like he hasn't quite resolved the position with his separation/marriage.

I'd leave it for a bit and then maybe call him (rather than text) just to see how he is ie. "I was just thinking about you and thought I'd give you a call " sort of thing - rather than pressuring him for a date.

If you'd like to see him again, I'd go for keep communication open with no pressure to meet.

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 15:08

How long would you leave it Cheers?

OP posts:
ILiveAtTheBeach · 03/12/2015 15:30

He's messing you about. Don't put up with it. Don't message him again. You are setting yourself up for a monumental fall.

hellsbellsmelons · 03/12/2015 15:41

How long has he been separated?
Has he moved out of the marital home?
I think it may be too soon for him and he needs some time.
Don't text him now. Get on with your life and wait for him to come to you as and when he might be ready.
Or..... He might just not be that into you.
Or..... He could be seeing someone else as well and it's all too much for him?

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 15:43

He has been separated 2 yrs and lives alone.
Iliveatthebeach I am not after a full on serious relationship I was just loving the company and the thrill of it all

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 03/12/2015 15:45

OK, well in that case, I don't think he's interested.
Sorry!

Belle0906 · 03/12/2015 15:47

I would at a guess say that he's just not that into you.

A friend of mine is separated and lately used this an excuse to someone he had been on a few dates with. He said that his head is not in the right place, not over his marriage blah, blah, blah when in actual fact he was seeing my partner's sister in the summer and was not using that excuse then at all as was very much into her.

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 15:47

Its ok hells

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 15:50

But why does he say I have been on his mind all day?

OP posts:
bodenbiscuit · 03/12/2015 15:55

If you've not had sex yet it's impossible for either of you to know how much you really feel for each other IMO.

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 16:03

We havent had sex as we go back a long was a mates so I think we have been holding back. I never felt as much passion in all the years I was married

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 16:04

My legs actually go weak at the thought of his kisses crazy I know!

OP posts:
RedMapleLeaf · 03/12/2015 16:04

Let him go, if he feels for you he'll come back. Being keen or desperate is not going to entice him back in the meantime.

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 16:06

I know that Red but it is so hard not to text him to invite him for a drink or a meal as I feel it wouldnt take much to tempt him

OP posts:
Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 16:07

Half of me thinks do it cos if he said no I think it would give me closure even though it would hurt

OP posts:
redteddy · 03/12/2015 16:09

Lots of red lights here...if he really is separated, then he's not 'available' sorry OP!
You will find someone just as passionate AND available, it's just not this guy.

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 16:44

I keep telling myself that but I can't get him out of my head

OP posts:
SouthYarraYobbo · 03/12/2015 16:50

Do you want him to hurt you in order to have closure? Can you just not accept it with dignity and leave it for a while?

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 17:00

South as I said I don't think it would take much to tempt him as he wavered before

OP posts:
Jan45 · 03/12/2015 17:32

Jesus, the guy has told you twice now, leave him alone, you will look completely desperate and it wont make him want to see you any more, in fact it will probably put the nail in the proverbial.

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 17:35

Jan45 I think I have been out of this game too long and dont really know the rules. I certainly don't want to seem desperate

OP posts:
RedMapleLeaf · 03/12/2015 17:43

Ah, another opportunity to recommend the book Getting Naked Again Grin

Original poster
crazyfoolme · 03/12/2015 17:53

Sounds interesting will have a look Red.

OP posts: