I can't let go but think I have to but I am infatuated! long sorry!

[crazyfoolme]

After being married for donkeys years I am now single and have been for a year, had a fun summer but no dates or anything.
Problem is I have been seeing a separated guy for about 6 weeks (known him years) and we have had some brilliant times and very passionate moments (not DTD though).
We discussed things we would do next year together and I was blissfully happy.
We had plans to meet again and said we would finalise on the day but then I got a text saying we can't meet any more as he has too much going on emotionally. I tried to be dignified and said fine I understand we can be friends.

However roll on a few days and I was missing him like crazy so I sent a casual text saying how are you and we had a bit of small talk and I suddenly said I miss you. He replied that he is missing me too and asked if I wanted to meet the next day. I was thrilled but the next day got a text saying I have been on his mind all day but he cant meet me. His heart is saying no his head wants to ??

I am so upset but can't get my head around how he was so full on then this. Is he just not that not into me or do you think he is just putting his young dcs first. I desperately want to see him again but don't want to seem desperate!

Just ordered it. May be the best £3 I have spent for a while! thanks

Been there done that total headfuck.

If he has been separated 2 years then he has had enough time to emotionally move on IMO. For whatever reason he does not wish to continue with it so he is likely to continue to screw with your head and cancel last minute.

Keep yourself busy, do not contact him and you will have your answer. You will not hear from him and he would have continued the headfuck or he will miss you and get in touch.

He will stay in your head while you remain in contact. Topically you need cold turkey. I wish you all the best and with any luck he will see what he is missing.

Thanks Onadark it is a headfuck. He told me has dreamt about me for a year!

Some very confusing, mixed messages.

Sounds like a part of him just wants to sleep with you but doesn't want more so the other part of him is in conflict because he doesn't want to hurt you after knowing you so long.

Hes waving a red flag at you. Walk away.

Yes Red its the mixed messages that are making it hard to move on
Some good advice here thank you all

I think one part of all of this is having a solid boundaries prepared in advance. It's very easy to lose sight of those once you're swept along in the excitement of a potential new relationship, or you're having a bit of a low day or whatever.

The reassuring thing here is that you saw what was happening and started to ask yourself questions.

crazy sorry he sounds like he is emotionally fucked up. Can I ask how old he is , is he young?

Blossom he is 41

Tbh I would run a mile, he sounds like my exe. Keep your dignity and move on, I know how it feels to come out of a long term relationship but there will be someone out there for you that does not make you feel like shit. The first bit is supposed to be special.

Nothing to do with rules, he has cancelled on you twice now and both occasions you instigated the meet up - common sense really, to contact him a 3rd time will just look desperate - tbh if a guy let me down like that I'd not want to contact him again.

I've been there too. I think it's harder to walk away if it's someone you were friends with before / still going to see around if the dating stops. If this is the first suitable guy that's come along for ages then you might also be focused on him because he's there rather than because he's right. Something I got told in a similar situation was that you should build up your resilience factors. Explore other dating options, fill your free time with a new hobby, nights out having fun etc, then you are less likely to be fixated by his actions and less likely to want to contact him. If he comes back to you when he has sorted his head out then you can decide if you are still interested.

How long would you leave it Cheers?

Well (assuming you are not subscribing to the walk-away-now advice*) the object is just to keep communication open and not put on pressure - so not so long as to be "woah haven't spoken to you in a while, WTF are you calling me now?" but not so soon as to be "leave me alone, you are pressuring me".

I'd leave it at least a week, between a week to two weeks I'd say.

• I think that although there are a lot of red flags here, I've got a lot of sympathy for the "I don't feel this intensely about a man v. often so I might as well give it a go/ You Only Live Once approach." But if you do that, you need to realise properly that you may be walking into a pile of heartbreak round the corner - even if you do get your way. Do it with your eyes open.

Thanks Cheers makes perfect sense what you said

Hihi I have lots of interests and go out a lot socially so I can fill my time and hopefully keep him off my mind