Describing a affair as "just friends"

[Confused2015xxx]

I read so much on here and a scenario that always gets my head baffled is when a guy says a affair is just friends
If a bloke is texting/talking to another woman sexually etc and makes it clear to her that he wants her etc then says to this other woman "it's a shame we can't be friends,nobody would get our friendship"
Hmmmm surely you don't think about your friends sexually.
So why do they justify it to themselves the woman is just a friend?
After he has had sex with her says the same " I'm so pleased we are friends"
Is this to make him fool himself that what he is doing isn't bad?
If he claims he is just being friendly he can't feel guilty.
How can sex be "friends"
Denial?

Of course they're not just friends, it's a blatant lie.

Having said that, I am friends with a bloke I once slept with and would again if I was single. I don't meet him in rl though, just the odd text now and then. Nothing dodgy.

Denial? - Nope
He's a twat - Yes!

Unless the bloke is that deluded he thinks what they have is friendship.
Or kidding himself to save the guilt.

Confused, so sorry to hear you have been through this too.
I just finished more ranting on my "how do they justify" post.
Yes, delusional.

Very easy - 6 words - YOU DON'T SLEEP WITH YOUR FRIENDS!

It's actually even more insulting for a DH/DP to risk/end their relationship or and marriage due to being found out for having sex with JUST a friend and it didn't mean anything. I'd have a bit more respect if he had fallen in love!!!

Because 'it doesn't mean anything', it apparently doesn't feel as bad in their heads!

If you sleep with your friend when both parties are single and you want to call yourselves 'just friends' that's fine but not when both or one of you is in a relationship.

Also just because you aren't having a sexual relationship doesn't mean you are 'just friends'
Even if both parties are single,
A friend had a FWB thing, they stopped having sex but it didn't mean they were 'just friends' they were still much more than that.
In my opinion You are only 'just friends' if neither party wants to have sex with the other

I agree with if both are single they are just friends it's fine.
I think it becomes confusing when the man in the relationship is telling the other woman how much he wants her etc then calling it friendship.
Either he is confused,insane or in denial

Maroonie has it bang on

(Just wanted to add That I don't mean it's not okay if 2 single people want to have sex- I just think they are more than friends even if they aren't a couple)

I totally agree Maroonie but you will get people saying that they did sleep with someone but are just friends now and wouldn't sleep with them again.

Or as MorrisZapp said upthread, she would sleep with her friend again if she was single.

I think if you do have a 'friend' and you have a new relationship, it's best to be honest and tell them that there is a sexual history there if this 'friend' is still going to be in your life, whether you would still have sex with them or not.

I agree if there is sexual attraction there it crossed the friends line.
Also if there's a emotional connection and kissing and hugging and confiding.
Do you think it's possible men get confused and rather than deal with it they say "just friends"

I do think you can go back to being just friends, but only if you don't want to have sex anymore- not just because you stopped actually doing it.
I totally agree about be honest with any new partners too,
Having a past is different to keeping secrets

I think they probably say just friends to differentiate between being a couple.

Is this the guy with the gf and the baby again?

Hypothetical question.

What a coincidence then OP

Yes they do happen....

Oh jeez ....

My friend has dated two men that she got naked with but sex didn't happen.

In each case she discovered afterwards that they had not been single at the time. It's like they hadn't been unfaithful if nothing happened, either that or they had an attack of the guilts.

He's not interested in you. We have been here before, several times. He is stringing you and his gf and probably others along.

He wouldn't know the truth if it smacked him in the face so why does it matter what he thinks he means when he tells you anything.

Just move on already.

In this case though he is telling you 'don't get any ideas this is just about me using you for sex I am not leaving my gf'

I have moved on Thankyou.
Not sure the relevance of bringing up previous posts which aren't related to this.
But thanks anyway.

Is this the same guy you shared a bed with but didn't have sex? So this explains why he wanted to watch the film and not have sex with you.

Fucks sake. Penny drops.

No the guy is someone I've recently started seeing this has no bearing whatsoever ...this is me asking a question about what makes certain men tick.