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Original poster

Do you text your ex husband/wife

32 replies

Crazyex1 · 17/11/2015 18:33

Is it normal to be in contact with your ex almost daily ? My new partner seems to be in contact with his almost daily, they have two small children and it's not just the odd text it'll be full conversations!

I find it odd that they need so much contact, it's normally insisted by her but he will respond - surely he could reply and then ignore the rest?
I don't know if I'm being silly or if it's a gripe for others too!

OP posts:
nameschangerer · 17/11/2015 18:35

Depends on the type of conversation. If it's just about the children then I see no harm. Or they could just be friends now which is fair enough. It is possible to separate amicably. It's natural to feel insecure but it may be completely harmless.

nameschangerer · 17/11/2015 18:36

I know someone who does this but it's always children related conversation and nothing more btw.

twirlypoo · 17/11/2015 18:36

If they have kids I consider it a good thing! Their romantic relationship is over but they still have a relationship as mutual parents!

I speak to my ex every few days - sometimes every day if something has happened. I let him know how Ds has been, he will ask how his day has gone. We ask after each other as part of that and if we have seen mutual friends might say something.

I do realise im at one end of the scale with my ex, but I would rather that then communication broke down and suffered as a result of it.

twirlypoo · 17/11/2015 18:37

Ds suffered as a result of it that should read ^^

daftyburd · 17/11/2015 20:03

Yes I was when DD was small. All child stuff there was never anything else.The older she gets the less we need to communicate. Ex and I had an amicable split and we have had an amicable 9 years apart co parenting. I would see it as a plus that a partner still wants to be very much involved with their children and gets on well with their ex.

RoobyTuesday · 17/11/2015 20:28

I think if the children are small and he is an involved dad then yes this is normal and you should see it as a positive thing. Imagine if your children were not living with you - surely you would want to hear as much as possible about them, what they'd been up to and what's going on at school for them etc?
Once the children get bigger and get their own phones they can text/ring dad themselves. When people have children together they can't just conveniently disappear from each other's lives - you're still a family to your children separated or not. I dot think you have anything to worry about.

happystory · 17/11/2015 20:35

I would read that as he is a concerned and involved dad

Patheticfallacy · 17/11/2015 20:37

My boyfriend is like this and I see it as a v good thing.

Wotsitsareafterme · 17/11/2015 20:41

Exh texts me much more than I want him to and emails - not just about the kids.
Dp ex only ever texts him about the kids it's quite clinical.
My exh is a loon. Dp ex seems quite normal

hesterton · 17/11/2015 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummyZELC · 17/11/2015 21:42

Until drastic measures were made to cut my DH ex wife off (children old enough to not need direct contact) we both used to get harassed off the bitch on a regular basis! It may become apparent over time but if they are just being friendly for the sake of their kids be grateful, because a psycho ex wife and a constant shower of abusive texts and phone calls is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy

Original poster
Crazyex1 · 18/11/2015 07:28

Thanks all some is about the children but others will be just about life in general chit chat, her job or what drama is going on today - seem times I feel like she uses him as a lamppost to bear her woes.

They get on well I know that is a good sign but they have also recently started doing things together the four of them just lunch out , a dinner and they all went out for the day a few weeks ago at no expense spared. I was told but again I'm not sure if I should have a problem or not as I don't know what the norm is.

OP posts:
Happydappy99 · 18/11/2015 07:37

I text my ex almost every day about the children and he does the same when they are with him. We sometimes chat about other stuff as we're good friends now but it is mostly child related.

LineyReborn · 18/11/2015 07:49

When you say new partner, how long have you been seeing each other for?

If you think you are going to struggle with the amount of time (and money) he and his Ex and their children spend together, I'd honestly cut your losses now. Not everyone's cut out for a relationship with a man with children. It can be hard. If the Ex still looms large, and it bothers you, that's going to be harder. Just be honest with yourself.

Btw how come they split up if they get on so well?

Original poster
Crazyex1 · 18/11/2015 07:57

We've been together about six months, this is the reason I posted as I wanted to work out if my feelings were founded or not.
I'm not aware of anyone who has that much contact with their ex, my parents were split and only called if one of us was in trouble or hospitalized otherwise access was set and an email Callander was used to change dates if one had a work meeting etc. I am not saying this is the right way just the way I have been used to!

If I'm honest I think he left after an affair (not me) about a year and a go.

When I was first getting to know him there were no days out I think she was still very upset over his leaving and now in the last three months there have been three times they've been together as a family.

Perhaps you are right and it's just a part of dating with children invilved.

OP posts:
Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 18/11/2015 08:05

Only text dds dad if something happens he should know about or if we need to change the contact for some reason that week. We get on fine and split amicably but we aren't close not much difference to the marriage friends although we fight less! He gets a bit less amicable when he gets dumped but when he's with someone he's fine and I get more than 1 word answers.

PeppasNanna · 18/11/2015 10:12

I disagree. I wouldn't consider that normal. Why would you text daily?

Personally i would feel uncomfortable & question his level of contact. They are either no longer a couple or not?

hellsbellsmelons · 18/11/2015 10:15

Nope that's not normal.
Going to lunch and dinner??? Nope. I would not be happy about that.
Once in a while for a DC birthday or something, OK.

I'd be seriously looking at this as a bad thing. Sorry.

LineyReborn · 18/11/2015 10:21

I think your gut is telling you something, and you should listen to it.

I'm sorry. It must have seen so promising at first.

Epilepsyhelp · 18/11/2015 10:56

Perhaps he wants to see if they can re-build. I think if there was a chance of that I'd be leaving them to it. Have you talked to him about it?

Offred · 18/11/2015 12:49

I go out for very occasional dinner with xh and kids, we do occasional days out etc but I absolutely have zero interest in him romantically. We do not text daily though. I do not tell him anything about my life that doesn't relate to DC.

I don't think it is anything to do with what actual things someone is doing but their intentions/feelings.

Some people will speak only at hand overs and still be hankering after their ex, some will talk everyday and just see each other as friends/co-parents.

I'd speak to him about your discomfort tbh and explain you don't want to interfere in his parenting but also are wary about potentially being dragged into his relationship with his ex if it is not properly over.

TempusEedjit · 18/11/2015 13:35

So basically it wasn't a mutually agreed breakup i.e both drifted apart and agreed they'd be better off as friends. Sounds from what you said that he/she or both are testing the water to see whether a reconciliation is possible.

It's one thing to be friendly for the kids and attend special occasions, another to be going out for dinners and stomping all over the boundaries of your relationship.

I would leave them to get on with it.

Stampynono · 18/11/2015 13:37

Exh has the 4 DC 5 nights out of a fortnight so close to shared residency.

We text often about the DC as there is so much going on with school ect.

We also have some general chit chat, nothing serious, nothing about relationships or my new baby but if I see a film I think he will like I will text him and he was telling me the other day about his (pie in the sky) business idea.

Original poster
Crazyex1 · 18/11/2015 14:58

Thank you it seems everyone is split.
I guess I am weary because as you say their relationship didn't end in a friendly manner, I don't want to get hurt because they have unresolved issues that weren't resolved if they had split mutually etc.
I know if I ask he will say that is not the case, I do feel though that he could cut down the texting or at least not reply instantly unless it's needed. Like I say it is her that iniates it from what I can tell but he is happy to continue conversation, they'll discuss things such as the cost of his new car or she'll tell him she's nearly paid off of her credit card it seems all overly friendly like they still know the ins and outs of one another's life.

I will chat to him but I don't want to get involved in the way they parent , they have been to lunch a dinner and a day trip in the last threes months, no birthdays during that time just random meetings. Perhaps it isn't for me.

OP posts:
TempusEedjit · 18/11/2015 15:09

On the face of it it's good that they're friendly but as your DP has form for cheating he has proven that he can and will cross the line - I would be very uncomfortable in your shoes.

Does his ex know he's in a relationship with you?