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Original poster

I just feel 'meh' about it

32 replies

sparklesnpearls · 18/10/2015 10:59

Hi, met a guy online dating 5 months ago. I initially finished it after couple of dates as he was a bit dull and I just wasn't excited about meeting him.

Anyway we kept in touch by the occasional friendly text n then he asked me out again and so because nobody else was in the pic I agreed.

Anyway, we been seeing each other quite a lot, staying over etc and the sex is ok but not earth shattering but the problem is he irritates me in little ways and just find myself wondering 'is this it?'. I'm very fond of him, have same values in life but I always seem to want more but I keep thinking as I'm 43 I should be thankful I've met a decent man who clearly cares for me very much.

OP posts:
Original poster
sparklesnpearls · 18/10/2015 11:02

Sorry pressed wrong button Smile

Just wanted to ask really if the spark might grow? Anyone else started out like this? Just fed up of meeting people n starting again Sad

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 18/10/2015 11:13

I think if he's irritating now then that will only get worse the more you see him. Don't put up with half a relationship thinking it's better than nothing - being with him could possibly stop you meeting someone absolutely great

expatinscotland · 18/10/2015 11:14

Please, please, please, cut him loose and move on. This should be the fun part.

category12 · 18/10/2015 11:19

I agree with the above, if he's getting on your nerves now, it will only get worse. This is supposed to be fun.

marzipanmaggie · 18/10/2015 11:31

What costa said. Also enough with this "I'm 43, I need to take what I can get." Please have a bit of self respect.

If you tell yourself you need to accept a relationship which doesn't make you happy just because of your age you are more or less inviting people who will sense that.

If you can't find someone worthwhile, don't be with anyone until you can. Being on your own is so much better than being with someone you only half like.

rumred · 18/10/2015 11:36

I recently stayed with someone for 9 months who irritated me. The irritation worsened. Wish I'd ended it when it was at the stage you're now at instead of hoping it would get better.

Axekick · 18/10/2015 11:37

You aren't being fair on you or him.

Finish it. I don't get the 'take what I can get' bit either. You don't have to be with anyone. And he deserves to be able to find someone that actually wants to be with him rather than settling for him.

Original poster
sparklesnpearls · 18/10/2015 12:23

Thanks for your replies Smile

There's a lot more to it and don't come across very well in writing, I do like him a lot but he just not very exciting but feel I should grow up sometimes !

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niceupthedance · 18/10/2015 12:44

I think I get what you are saying. He's nice but not exciting. Does he make you laugh? Good conversationalist? If there are significant bonuses to the relationship then I'd give it a chance. However if he's irritating and you don't find him attractive in any way then definitely move on.

BrightonMum36 · 18/10/2015 12:48

Deffo move on. The honeymoon period is always 10x better than the rest of your time together. If your honeymoon period if this boring, can you imagine what the rest of your time together will be like. NO. Just no.

Original poster
sparklesnpearls · 18/10/2015 14:30

Very true Brightonmum, he doesn't really make me laugh no...smile yes but laugh noHmm

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Handywoman · 18/10/2015 19:25

Had a similar situation with last boyf. He was great in many ways, similar in many ways, we had a deep friendship and amazing sex but there was also plenty of stuff that didn't sit right also. I couldn't love him they way he loved me.

Your gut is saying he's not for you. Relationships are complex and not about tick boxes.

Do the both of you a favour and end it and find someone who's a better 'fit'

UrbaneF0x · 18/10/2015 19:27

It should be fun. If it doesn't feel right why would you bother.

Listen to your gut. I always do now. I regret not giving my gut more air time earlier in my life.

UrbaneF0x · 18/10/2015 19:27

It should be fun. If it doesn't feel right why would you bother.

Listen to your gut. I always do now. I regret not giving my gut more air time earlier in my life.

Handywoman · 18/10/2015 19:37

After finishing with ex boyf I have now vowed to always go with my gut from now on. First impression is usually right. Your first impression was 'no' and your gut is still saying the same thing.

Trills · 18/10/2015 20:05

Is the rest of your life so dull, that you'd rather spend time with a man you aren't really interested in?

I'm sure you could find something better to do.

Original poster
sparklesnpearls · 18/10/2015 21:47

Thanks all...yes Trills my life is pretty dull at mo but of course you are all right in what you say and it's unfair I know to string him along.

He gone home tonight cos I just cannot get excited about spending time with him and I think he sensed it Sad

Had soooo many dates on OD and just can't bear the thought of any more but equally I want to meet the right guy.

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Original poster
sparklesnpearls · 18/10/2015 21:49

Handy woman....did u end up finding a better 'fit'? Think it's me not him as my friends and family like him

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F0xChat · 20/10/2015 15:09

Use that gut to be more selective about the dates you go on! eg, I was chatting with a man recently and he had a good sense of humour and he seemed easy to chat to. HOWEVER, he was messaging too much, and asking too many questions. And not just chit chat but the real getting to know you questions. It felt like paint by numbers speeded up. I didn't like it. My gut said n o.

F0xChat · 20/10/2015 15:10

If I say to my friends and family that I wasn't happy with somebody and I finished it, they have to totally understand that decision or I@d lose all respect for their advice.

Handywoman · 20/10/2015 16:50

Haven't found anyone who's a better fit. But am not going to have a relationship for the sake of it.

Taking a break from my brief foray into OLD. It's time consuming and I'm doing great on my own after the split and gathering myself after a good deal of therapy so the time isn't right yet.

But I'll get back out there and when I do I'll be listening very hard to my gut. Dating for me has got to be at least enjoyable if not fun.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 20/10/2015 17:40

There is no point in seeing him anymore. At this early stage you should be desperate to see him. You're wasting time that you could be spent on finding Mr Right. IMO.

Original poster
sparklesnpearls · 20/10/2015 18:04

Yes that's how I want to feel ILive but I just don't, feel like I'm gonna hurt him though and I really don't want to as he is nice just not right for me Sad

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Handywoman · 20/10/2015 18:41

If my experience is anything to go by you'll both get hurt. You'll mourn the loss of the good bits. The sooner you end it the better it will be.

Thanks
F0xglove · 20/10/2015 23:09

why punish yourself !?

enjoy the good bits of being single, and then possibly, you might meet somebody who makes you feel happy. I wouldn't punish myself like that, going out with somebody for no reason.