Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Do you think that 'guys who are into you' make it obvious from near the start?

44 replies

Vagabond · 17/10/2015 16:15

I totally believe that guys who are into you will do whatever they can to be with you.

if they don't - give them the flick because you will not change it.

Do you agree?

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 17/10/2015 16:18

yes

MrsCorbyn · 17/10/2015 16:24

Yes

BitOutOfPractice · 17/10/2015 16:27

Glad we've sorted that one out Grin

AnyFucker · 17/10/2015 16:28

Sorted

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/10/2015 16:29

I disagree.

unicorn501 · 17/10/2015 16:33

Not necessarily. I think that men who come on too strong and are really intense right from the beginning are the ones to avoid.

Original poster
Vagabond · 17/10/2015 16:38

My friends call me the 'conversation starter'. :)

OP posts:
MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 17/10/2015 16:41

I don't even know why I disagree. Or even if I do disagree. But I like being different.

My friends call me "awkward pain in the arse".

Grin
MadeMan · 17/10/2015 16:57

No.

mceesquared · 17/10/2015 17:06

I have another thread asking about someone who obviously isn't that into me, and what throws me off is the fact that there are exceptions to the rule.

Rewind back 5 years, and I was happily engaged to a man who was way into me and made it obvious from day one. A year after we got together my best friend started sleeping with a younger man. Was very casual, and I remember quite a few times her crying because he'd not phoned (actually once was new years eve and he'd not texted her because he was having too much fun) and then after six months she told him she loved him and he said "really? already?".

And three years later, her slow starter, the one who played it cool is happily married to her and could not be more devoted, loving or attentive but he definitely did not act that way for the first few months. It was very casual dating here and there. By contrast my fiance left me for someone else.

I think the point of this story is that the above has thrown me off, turned my measuring stick off and I have dated shabby men because all the time i am thiking "what if he's just a slow one like Paul was with Melissa?" and reality is that is a one in a million. I think 85% to 95% of the time YES if they are into you they just show it and act like they are. The rare exceptions are few and far between but it;s a nice story anyway

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 17/10/2015 17:32

Surely it depends on the man.

BitOutOfPractice · 17/10/2015 17:42

But unicorn the OP didn't say guys who "come on too strong and are really intense" did she?

She means guys who don't play games, are open and honest with their feelings and who make it clear that they like you without being too full on. Well that's what I meant anyway

niceupthedance · 17/10/2015 17:42

I certainly think they do things like reply to texts promptly, call you and largely do what they say they will over an extended period of time (ie after you've had sex with them).

IamlovedbyG · 17/10/2015 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

lavenderhoney · 17/10/2015 18:06

Not really, because some guys are players / think they want a relationship, go all out out get one, and will do all they can to make you think it's all good. Some of them mean it until 6 months later, after careful and considered dating, all wonderful and then they ghost you.

But taking things slowly and not putting up with any bullshit is a good place to start.

DontKillMyVibe · 17/10/2015 18:56

I don't think there is a black and white answer tbh as it really depends on the man.

I have a friend who is with a bloke and it started off very casually - almost like FB and she was way way more into him and it continued this way for more than 6 months or so. Fast forward 2 years and he's utterly devoted and adores her- they've bought a house together, his family love her and they will probably get engaged soon.

I went out with a man and I was more into him and it pretty much continued that way until I found the guts to end it and finally walk away. He wasn't into me enough at the start and he still wasn't into me enough at the end Grin

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/10/2015 19:06

The constant texting thing is just bizzarre though. DD2(16) says she will never have a boyfriend as she finds the initial constant texting too tedious, forgets to reply because she has a life and therefore gives off major ice maiden vibes. Not that she's bothered.

I'm sure lots of men are the same.

lavenderhoney · 17/10/2015 19:31

I don't do texting:) I just say - super busy, call me at ten to chat.

And it's true - I dont have time to mess about texting. It shouldn't be in place of meeting, or a call. I soon realise I don't realise I'm not that fussed for someone, because I cba to squeeze in a call.

BackforGood · 17/10/2015 19:55

No. Or at least, not necessarily.

Phoenix69 · 17/10/2015 19:59

Personally - I don't make it obvious from the start.

I don't know why but I ignored and was fairly rude to the gorgeous woman who is now my girlfriend. Rather like a primary school kid. Just so glad we got together in the end. I will do whatever I can to be with her. It just took me a while to get there.

flustercuck · 17/10/2015 20:12

I think they do make it obvious. However, people who are just in it for the chase make it obvious early on too, so do shithead controlly types.

You work it out eventually I think.

swooosh · 17/10/2015 20:13

Yes very. My DP made it very very obvious and still does now Smile

Malamutes · 17/10/2015 20:14

Certainly there is no right answer to this. My DH made it very clear that he liked me as soon as he saw me, he's soon to be my xDH due to his terrible actions with a former friend, a whole other thread!

If and actually when I am single and I like someone I will make it clear. No time for games and ambiguity. I like straight forward people who are honest and will simply say I like you - do you like me? I am 43 years old and want to be with someone who loves me and can't be arsed with games.

Phoenix I hope the wait was worth it!

honeyroar · 17/10/2015 20:18

Yes.

The ones are OTT are still into you, it's just you're not into them.

marzipanmaggie · 17/10/2015 20:39

I think this is true as a general rule although I think there are certain kinds of men who get collywobbles about being upfront about their feelings because the situation is threatening to them for some reason or if there are circumstances which make things problematic.

On the other hand, who has time for game-playing. In a way it doesn't matter if he's not that into you or if he is but can't show it -- either way, the signs aren't good...