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Relationships

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Original poster

Do you think that 'guys who are into you' make it obvious from near the start?

44 replies

Vagabond · 17/10/2015 16:15

I totally believe that guys who are into you will do whatever they can to be with you.

if they don't - give them the flick because you will not change it.

Do you agree?

OP posts:

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2015 20:48

Nope, I disagree to an extent.

When I met dh, I'd just come out of a car crash relationship; he had also been badly hurt in the past so didn't want to wear his heart on his sleeve.

Neither of us treated our 'dating' stage as a priority. Ten years down the line we are absolutely each other's priority.

It was a case of I like you, I want to get to know you better...but my life doesn't revolve around you. Which to be fair, I think is a more honest approach.

I also don't think it's any measure of a man, how 'into you' he comes across as at the stage I think you're talking about, you don't really know each other at all. Plenty of men who were fantastic at the first stages turn out to be arseholes - or the early stage and the buzz that comes with it, is all that they're interested in.

Trills · 17/10/2015 20:49

I think "do whatever they can to be with you" is a high expectation.

They'd have to be pretty certain that it was right and that you reciprocated.

ClashCityRocker · 17/10/2015 20:50

And I don't think it's game playing, either.

If he's playing games, hes a twat end of.

There's so much advice given on here about not getting overly emotionally invested too soon - does this not apply for blokes?

SkandiStyle · 17/10/2015 21:02

Yes.

At the end of our first date (which admittedly ending up lasting the whole weekend) DH told me, in all seriousness, that we would be getting married.

Okay, so it took him another 10 years to formally propose, down on one knee with a ring...

But from that very first date he made it abundantly clear that I was the only girl for him, ever. 24 years later he still does

Intheprocess · 17/10/2015 21:46

Surely it depends on the man.

Surely it depends on both the man and the woman.

SevenSeconds · 17/10/2015 22:00

I disagree.

DH and I were quite casual at first. It was in the days before mobile phones so I don't know about texting, but we didn't do things like go on holiday or spend Xmas together for years. We didn't move in together until we'd been going out for 5 years.

It was a slow burner. We've been together 18 years now, married for 12 and very happy.

CherryPicking · 17/10/2015 22:05

I think the thing is all these 'ways to rell ' make us passive observers of What Men Want. We should be actively, upfront forming the shape of the relationship with them - not waiting around guessing if we're good enough or not.

NewLife4Me · 17/10/2015 22:06

I think you can know straight from the start, but not everybody will make it obvious.
They may be a bit or to begin with.

I do think you can tell that somebody likes you though even if they don't make it obvious.

As fluster states too.

spudlike1 · 17/10/2015 22:28

Yes its obvious when a man genuinely likes you.
And it's obvious when you genuinely don't like them .
Anything else is pointless ( game playing) mind numbing and time wasting ...
Dressed up as he/she has issues bollocks
If it's easy it's right
If it isn't easy it's a waste of everyone's time

Eachleechsparethumb · 17/10/2015 22:33

There's not a rule book, but I find its best to be cautious

spudlike1 · 17/10/2015 22:51

Everyone's different and how they behave when they genuinely like someone will be different. .but I still stand by the fact that you know when a man is serious about you.

brokenhearted55a · 17/10/2015 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IrishDad79 · 17/10/2015 23:13

I think a lot of women are turned off by men who come across too keen, and conversely are attracted to men who play it cool with them.

mceesquared · 17/10/2015 23:48

I have been thinking about this all day and I have come to think that believing that one size fits all is actually a bit unhealthy and responsible for a lot of my own dating confusion.

I am quite a confident woman, but if I am texting a man a lot and being quite openly flirtatious then it means I like him a little, but for the men I really like, I become more scared, more as if i am waiting for them to speak first because I lose my confidence a bit. Most people would not believe I was shy at all, but when I really like someone I most definitely pull away and pull back from fear. I don't believe there are not also men who have these little fears and shyness issues too.

I have come to "expect" every man to behave a certain way, to phone a lot, to tell me certain things, to progress quickly and I take this as a sign he is really into me. A part of me thinks all that means is that (a) they are quite confident, (b) you are ticking a lot of boxes and they find you attractive. The actual "into you" part is something they can't possibly know until they unravel who you are over time.

Saying "do all men act into you if they are" is a bit like saying "do all men" do anything. I really don't think they do. I have seen slow burn relationships that work, and lighting fast relationships that work and everything in between and I think letting go of the expectation that every man who is into you will behave a certain way is probably a good idea.

Not everyone shows how much they care and what is going on under the surface -I know I don't.

Sallystyle · 18/10/2015 00:31

Yep.

DH let me know straight away how much he was into me.

He did come across as very keen, but so was I so I liked it.

I'm sure there is the odd exception to every rule and while I don't normally go by any books I do find that 'He's Just Not That Into You' was pretty spot on.

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 18/10/2015 08:25

Surely it depends on both the man and the woman.

Well yes, but the op only mentioned men. I was responding to that directly.

ComeDownToMe · 18/10/2015 10:48

DP is fantastic and we are very happy. He wouldn't be without me now but he weren't like that early on in our relationship.

Circumstances change and feelings grow as you get closer and more involved in each other's lives.

There is no fast set of rules. If you're not happy with your relationship then talk to him and end it if you don't like the answers you get.

BeanIontach · 18/10/2015 10:54

Well, I went on a date with an interesting man last night, he's two years younger than I am and he made it clear that he doesn't feel that women should accept that they have to sit around waiting to be contacted. I think he was saying to me that if I want to contact him, I can, and not to sit there passively waiting for his call/text

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 18/10/2015 11:03

I have ended up going out with a few exes for too long be ause they were 'so into me'. They made a big deal.of how great I was and I somehow felt obliged to stay with them to so as not to hurt. When in reality they were not right for me and were in fact a bit emotionally incontinent.

I don't think there are any rules on that one. Most people are afraid of being hurt. Some people express that by being keen others by being a bit guarded.

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