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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I knew it

37 replies

OhHolyFuck · 27/08/2015 12:45

He was cheating. 7 months apparently. I don't want to go on, it hurts too much. How do you make it stop hurting?

OP posts:
LeonC · 27/08/2015 12:47

God. I'm sorry. Have you talked? What do you want to happen now?
It's tough now but things will ease in time.

StanSmithsChin · 27/08/2015 12:48

You can't really. Sorry to sound cliched but it takes time to get over it.....which you will.

Do you have DC.
Live together/married?
Do you want to end the relationship, does he?

I am sorry OP he is a shit.

Original poster
OhHolyFuck · 27/08/2015 12:52

Relationship already ended, about a month ago. We were due to get married in 2 weeks.
Have 2 boys, 4 and 2. Was pregnant but lost the baby at 20 weeks, 3 weeks ago, was another boy

OP posts:
StanSmithsChin · 27/08/2015 12:57

Oh god you are dealing with a lot at the moment. I know it may look like there is no way forward but there is please believe that.

I always find planning and lists work for me.
Start with rl support, friends, family, GP?
Then:
Housing.
Finances.
Contact.
Rebuild/continue social life for you.
Think about what changes you want to make to your fresh start like, moving or redecorating, new look, new job, new hobby.

Get practicle OP it will keep you focused and each tick off the list helps.

Every1KnowsJeffHesUsuallyACunt · 27/08/2015 13:05

You can't at the moment lovey Flowers

So sorry for everything that you've been through.

Know this though, it will go away, not necessarily soon but it will go. And you do deserve much much better.

Original poster
OhHolyFuck · 27/08/2015 13:05

No. Too hard to do that. Just want to sleep and not wake up

OP posts:
wickedlazy · 27/08/2015 13:09

Don't talk like that!

You need to be strong. Not right now. Cry, eat crap, watch a sad film. Sleep. Be good to yourself. But soon, you'll have to get up, and seperate your life as fully as possible from this bastards. How did you find out?

StanSmithsChin · 27/08/2015 13:12

OhHoly

You need rl support. Where are your children?
Can anyone stay with you?

SongBird16 · 27/08/2015 13:15

I've been there OP. It hurts like nothing else but you'll come through it, of course you will. Focus on your DC and the practicalities. Tell everyone, so you get support and understanding. He's not the person you thought he was - it's hard now, but you've had a lucky escape from the lying duplicitous bastard.

Every1KnowsJeffHesUsuallyACunt · 27/08/2015 13:15

I agree. Do you have your mum or a friend that can take the reins for a bit?

When my ex left me pregnant with 2 dc, my mum took over with things. I was there all the time but she got the dc lunch and entertained them when I couldn't face smiling. It really helped.

MagicalMrsMistoffelees · 27/08/2015 13:16

I followed your previous thread and am so very sorry you find yourself in this situation.

Him having an affair explains everything. At least you know now and can start to move forward. HIS loss. And hers - who'd want a scumbag who cheats on his pregnant wife? They deserve each other!

Yes it's going to hurt but it will get better. You have to focus on yourself and your children as best you can.

You must still be heartbroken over the loss of your baby boy. I really hope he is giving you some support with regards to that at least.

These idiots lose their minds when they are in the throes of an illicit affair. They become unrecognisable. Now it's not so secretive and exciting it won't be long before reality hits and it all becomes everyday - then the guilt and regret will descend. He is going to be tormented by the loss of your baby forever. He'll probably come sniffing back. By then you'll have moved on and will have he satisfaction of telling him to get stuffed.

Look after yourself Flowers.

pocketsaviour · 27/08/2015 13:17

So sorry OP. Can you get some friends or family to help? Can you also make an apt with your GP? You sound very low and I am worried about you trying to struggle on with things on your own. You have suffered two terrible losses, I am so sorry Flowers

wickedlazy · 27/08/2015 13:20

Op, if you feel you aren't in a good state of mind right now, please contact someone irl and talk it through. You have so much to still give to the world, and your dc in particular. Don't give this scumbag the satisfaction of knowing he's got to you. If you stick around, you'll get some briliant advice, or just some hand holding if you want Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 27/08/2015 13:22

You can't make it stop hurting.
As others have said it takes time.
You have 2 losses to grieve which makes it a double whammy.
Please get some RL support.
Family, friends, anyone who can help you and support you right now.
Cry when you want to. I remember crying loads and loads. The tears just don't seem to dry up at times.
This bit is the worst bit. It WILL get better. We can all promise you that.
But not right now and not in the immediate future.
For now look after your DC and yourself.
I know I couldn't keep anything solid down.
Orange juice ice lollies and soups helped me through a lot.
Keep hydrated and your sugar levels up.
I am so so sorry you are going through this. It's the crappiest thing there is. Take it one hour at a time, then you can move to half a day at a time then 1 day at a time, etc........

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”
? Haruki Murakami

Myturnnow4 · 27/08/2015 13:24

Too hard to do that. Just want to sleep and not wake up

I know sweetheart, but hold on to the fact that this is a phase. You won't always be in this place. I can only second what others are saying - you must reach out to people. You need people to do the stuff you can't do at the moment, whatever that might be.

Keep talking Flowers

MummyPiggy87 · 27/08/2015 13:47

Gosh I'm literally heartbroken for you, I really am. I can only imagine the pain you've been through your poor thing. You can come out of this, and you will, you must remember to be strong for your two boys. They need you too, as pp just said it will get better in time.
A lot of us have been where you are now trust me I know how it feels to love someone who doesn't love you back, just like that your life stops for a while and I was the same as you I couldn't bare to eat or even drink.
Please believe me, it WILL get easier and you will get over him. You need to carry on keeping yourself busy.
I will be following your progress, please just keep talking about it with people, even if it's just with us lot xx

LineyReborn · 27/08/2015 13:49

There's lots of people here to talk to, who would like to help Flowers

Theresatrexinmybed · 27/08/2015 13:51

i know its hard right now and tbh the pain never really leaves you.

This is what I done if you can get someone to look after your boys for a few days then go to bed, get it out of you're system then when your boys come home build your new life together it will be a daily struggle and believe me two years on I still find it hard but you will get there.

Lweji · 27/08/2015 13:56

It must be an unbearable pain, but surely your children are more important than any man.

What he did is no reflection on you, just him.
Allow your anger to get through. And eventually you'll be relieved not to have a cheating twat in your life.

Meanwhile, take a day at a time. Focus on the little pleasures. Focus on the children, on people who deserve you. And let your real life friends help you. Reach out for help.

maras2 · 27/08/2015 13:58

What an utter BASTARD and a COWARD.I'm so angry for you you poor woman,grieving for your lost baby,doing all of the child care then finding this out when you suspected it a month or two ago but the fucker just denied it.Please speak to a health professional or the Samaritans if you really are in despair but keep posting here as you know that the vipers will do their best to help you through. Flowers Brew

maras2 · 27/08/2015 14:17

Forgot to mention about you having to cancel your wedding arrangements just 6weeks before the event.Sorry to harp on but I can't believe how awful he's been. Angry

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 27/08/2015 14:19

oh you poor sausage, i dont have any word of comfort or advice
FlowersFlowers

i hope your pain passes soon xx

BitOutOfPractice · 27/08/2015 14:31

Oh my goodness holy I am so sorry about the loss of your baby boy. Not got the words to say really

I don't know what advice to give you except to say that this is the darkest hour and it can only get better. I wish I could come round and give youa hug and help you out

Original poster
OhHolyFuck · 27/08/2015 14:38

No family really, mother is a narc and would not help the situation
Feel so alone and sad and sick
He's not sorry, not for me or the kids
Just want it all to stop
Thought I was getting better but I feel like this has pushed me back under, I can't cope

OP posts:
Hissy · 27/08/2015 14:47

You can and will cope. You will be ok.

Your Ex however will always be a cunt.

Please keep posting, this pain will pass love.

I am so sorry about your baby. xx

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