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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Never letting phone out of sight

30 replies

startagainonmonday · 09/08/2015 10:04

Taking your phone everywhere including bathroom, when getting up at night, not letting it out of sight when charging it up etc.

Is it ever innocent?

OP posts:

Bigwetwiddlynappy · 09/08/2015 10:05

Can be. I'm like that with mine, not for guilt but terror that I haven't backed it up for ages and my entire life is on it.

Skiptonlass · 09/08/2015 10:07

If you're waiting for an extremely urgent call (family member in surgery, someone ringing you for something vital etc.)

Otherwise, no.

Trust your instincts.

Only1scoop · 09/08/2015 10:07

No I personally think it's odd....especially taking it in the bathroom.

If oh did this I would think he was hiding something.

ImperialBlether · 09/08/2015 10:08

It's when behaviour changes that you know something's up. Has he always done this?

WallyBantersJunkBox · 09/08/2015 10:09

I play doodle numbers on the toilet.

And I do leave carry it around to play music while I clean etc.

The difference being if my DP ever had doubts I'd show him everything on my phone without a second thought.

KatieScarlettreregged · 09/08/2015 10:09

No. Everyone in this house knows my pass code too. Handy when I CBA doing the Just Eat order.

sapphirestars · 09/08/2015 10:14

I take my phone all over with me including the bathroom but I like to play music when I am in the bath. But I also take it because when I do leave it my bloody partner goes on my facebook and leaves stupid statuses haha! X but in all fairness, I have nothing to hide and of he wanted to look he could x but he respecta my privacy and he knows I wouldn't cheat x

sapphirestars · 09/08/2015 10:14

If not of* phone sorry

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 09/08/2015 10:16

I take mine to the loo. It's my 5 min MNing me time lol.

So I agree not guilty of unusual behaviour in itself. Change of behaviour, maybe, although if my BF was doing this I'd assume a new game addiction or madly watching an eBay auction or something.

I think the relevant question is why do you think it's not innocent?

daisyJ123 · 09/08/2015 10:20

I think more and more people are becoming 'addicted' to (particular apps) on their phones. I ditched Facebook 18 months ago cos I found myself craving those (spectacularly dull) updates from virtual strangers...
BUT if someone's phone habits have changed then maybe speak to them about what's going on & see what they say?

daisydukes229 · 09/08/2015 10:22

I agree that it isn't necessarily untoward.

I take mine everywhere including to the loo (loo is ideal Fb/mn time ha)

I'm not in a relationship but if I was I wouldn't necessarily want a partner going through my phone. Not because I would have anything to hide but because the fact that they were wanting to shows a massive lack of trust.

Are there other things that are making you feel like there might be something more to this?

Original poster

startagainonmonday · 09/08/2015 10:25

Was actually wondering with regard to my ExH. Although I'm out of that situation now I'm currently having counselling to deal with the aftermath of such a toxic and controlling relationship but gradually realising that a lot of other stuff was probably going on as well. Eg at the time I accepted that his explanation of looking at local escort sites was just idle curiosity but I guess now that it wasn't.

It's not important for me to definitely know in that he's no longer in my life, but I'd hate to not be aware enough not to repeat the same mistakes in future.

OP posts:

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/08/2015 10:29

I have my phone with me everywhere I go. I'm single but I take it into every room I go in etc - I have an incredibly low boredom threshold and find I need to mess about on it most of the time.

Nobody knows my passcode and it would be a deal breaker for me if anyone looked through my phone as it is an invasion of privacy, imo. i know people do it because they are trying to find out if their partners are up to something but it's not something I could forgive.

Joysmum · 09/08/2015 10:53

Mine goes everywhere with me...but there's no secrecy. My pass code is known and the others use my phone when needed.

So I don't think having your phone always with you is a red glad, somebody being guarded over it is though.

Joysmum · 09/08/2015 10:55

...oh and I have all alert set to flash on the screen. If setting are set so emails, texts messenger, etc don't then this may be an indication, but not always as they can be blooming annoying.

CalleighDoodle · 09/08/2015 10:57

Taking into bathroom for a poo = normal. Poo time is dead time. Especially How long it takes men to poo
Taking into vathroom for shower = hiding something

Happytuesdays99 · 09/08/2015 11:04

If it has only just started when it wasn't being done before then it is more suspicious. If always done it then less so.

Original poster

startagainonmonday · 09/08/2015 11:05

Poo time is dead time - sounds like a motto to live by

OP posts:

CalleighDoodle · 09/08/2015 11:08

poo time is also vulnerable time for a mother, as you are stuck there once started and if the children realise that, well the shit could hit the fan.

Skeppers · 09/08/2015 11:11

I take my phone everywhere with me; no hidden agenda! I read MN/Buzzfeed, etc. on the loo, plus I have the Spotify app so I use it for music. I hate that I am so 'attached' to it and I do make a conscious effort sometimes to leave it alone, but it is kind of like an addiction. Nothing sinister though! Like someone upthread said, I have a v. low boredom threshold.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 09/08/2015 11:25

Another one who takes mine everywhere. I feel very antsy if I can't see it, which I know is ridiculous and not good. However, if DH wants to look at something or use it for a moment then I don't mind. I'd hate him to see my silly fangirling Whatsapp chats though although he knows all about them!

And my phone lights up like a Christmas tree whenever I get a text/WA/email/call so there's absolutely no hiding it!

Reese123 · 09/08/2015 13:17

If phone habits have changed, then yes trust your gut instinct. But also of his behaviour towards you had changed and he is less attentive to you.

Zeitgeistic · 09/08/2015 13:25

Can be normal. I'm single but I rarely let my phone out of my sight. If it's not in my hand, it's in my pocket and vice versa. I also don't like other people touching it. There's nothing dodgy on it but it makes me twitchy nonetheless.

Hurr1cane · 09/08/2015 13:34

I do this. But out of habit. DS can get very poorly very quickly so when he's not with me I am always carrying my phone everywhere. When he is with me it just happens as a sort of natural reaction.

I am in a pretty new relationship now and have had to try to remember to leave my phone when I leave the room when DS is there because I'm worried it'll look suspicious because of threads on here

But I've explained to him why. Plus he uses my phone sometimes for the apps and he's probably seen me type in my password because I'm not secretive so I'm sure he's not worried.

GaryBaldy · 09/08/2015 13:45

I carry mine round a lot, I get work calls / texts frequently and will take mine to the loo if I'm going to be there for a while.

However everyone knows my passcode and it's readily available for anyone to help themselves to for googling / sat nav / music /checking the weather etc so no secrecy.

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