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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Iv just totally humiliated myself in the street...

46 replies

juicyolives · 07/08/2015 23:01

Hi to you all. Sorry to rant and rave in this post but i gotta do it somewhere..im up in my bedroom while the kids are unaware in their room. Iv cried, iv paced the floor and now iv finally decided to sit and write it all down..because i feel im going to explode...im still crying and i feel so fucking angry with myself!!!! Sorry for bad typing..
Iv just caused a huge scene outside my partners house. Which is literally 2 mins down the road from mine. Something i have never done before.. I couldn't control myself...
What happened was we became friendly with another couple, which was ok at first. We all got on good. Then we had a major fall out as she had betrayed my trust about something i had told her in confidence, it got back to my partner and it caused huge rows between us. Then the 'wife' started to tx my partner (we're not married) the odd evening..just random stuff about her hubby. Nothing really bad but the thought of her txing him pissed me off to be honest. It caused more friction between me and this couple and between me and him.

Then a few months ago i found out this couple had been at my partners house odd evenings while i was unaware and at home. I felt angry because this was the same couple that had caused trouble between us before, yet he was being so bloody pally with them. It felt like he was putting them before me.
Anyhow, tonight i phoned him and he said that couple were at his, but they were just leaving. Something...intuition...didnt feel right, he has lied about stuff in the past. I left it half hour before walking to his house to catch her on his front step laughing and joking with her hubby and my partner. I felt so hurt, excluded and betrayed. He fucking lied again.
So that was when i went off on one in the street. Swearing and calling him a liar etc etc..i must of looked deranged... I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that i did that but at the same time i feel so angry and upset. Im pacing my bedroom....
I have took off my engagement ring. I feel this is the final nail in the coffin for us.
I don't want him back...hes a liar and prefers his mates. But it hurts so much that he would lie to me about spending time with them!! I don't get it..its not like its another woman..its another couple...I feel so sick and betrayed.
What do i do now....

OP posts:

nozzz · 07/08/2015 23:07

Decide if this is a deal breaker for you.

Original poster

juicyolives · 07/08/2015 23:13

Its just he didn't need to lie about it...its the lies that hurt the most. I'm not an unreasonable person. Iv never given him reason to have to lie to me about anything, im not possessive or clingy.
I cant stop crying because its over for me.
Yes this is a deal breaker.
I feel alone, pissed ff and a bit lost..

OP posts:

ginmakesitallok · 07/08/2015 23:14

What did he lie about? (I'm obviously missing something)

Everstrong · 07/08/2015 23:15

I can understand why you feel betrayed, this couple caused arguments between you and your partner and it feels like he is putting them before you- ouch!

You say he has lied about things before, are we talking little white lies or major things? In my personal experience, a partner who can lie about stupid little things will graduate to lying about bigger things (if he hasn't already). You deserve more than that.

It sounds like this was the final straw for you and everything has come spilling out in public. That's done now, you can't change it but you can change your relationship.

If he gets in touch, you can always say you are sorry for the outburst as you could have handled things in a better way but you stand by the stance that his behaviour (lying and betraying you) is wrong.

Does the husband know his wife was texting your partner? Sounds a bit suss to me.

TheBakeryQueen · 07/08/2015 23:16

He is a crazy maker isn't he?
The lies and pulling wool over your eyes causes insecurity & frustration etc.
He is emotionally abusive.

Try & forgive yourself for the scene but learn from it & from now on have nothing more to do with any of them, they don't sound worth your tears.

FolkGirl · 07/08/2015 23:16

Well... I know that I sometimes text my son and say I'm leaving somewhere because I kind of am moving towards leaving and Ii'm in the process of leaving, but not actually leaving. You don't know, they could have been on the doorstep for half an hour.

I suppose the more important issue is why he is socialising with another couple without his partner.

There could be any number of reasons for this.

NoahVale · 07/08/2015 23:17

at least you dont live together, and you made your feelings known

FolkGirl · 07/08/2015 23:17

Ok.

The lying in the past thing would be a deal breaker for me anyway. I don't tolerate liars

MovingStress · 07/08/2015 23:18

I'm not sure what he lied about? He said they were there and just leaving. I find just leaving doesn't mean now Thi minute walking out the door...more wrapping things up, collecting up coats / bags / whatever, final bit of conversation, loo trip... 30 mins later you appear to find happening what your DP had told you was happening?

Atenco · 07/08/2015 23:19

Well, just basing myself on what you have said here, I don't agree with lying, but neither do I agree with people dictating who I should be friends with.

KungFuhrer · 07/08/2015 23:21

What did he lie about? - them leaving his house?

If so then I wouldn't see it as a lie, often I will say I'm just leaving or someone else is just leaving about half an hour before they do. People like to have a final chat and saying goodbyes can take a while.

SavoyCabbage · 07/08/2015 23:21

Are you upset because they were still there an hour later? It might just have taken them that long to get that far.

MovingStress · 07/08/2015 23:24

Or you are upset because they were having fun and laughing? Should they be constantly miserable to keep you happy?

Original poster

juicyolives · 07/08/2015 23:26

He has lied in the past about where hes been, who with, his ex etc etc. Stupidly i forgave all. He has been emotionally abusive esp when we row. Hes very controlling etc.
Not such a loss your probably thinking but we have been together 6 years and iv let a lot of stuff go.
But i feel kinda final about it tonight, like hes done it for the last time.
I feel angry at myself because i still love him. I know im going to miss him even though hes treated me like the shit on his shoe, i feel angry that iv wasted time on this idiot.
i feel angry and humiliated that he put another couple before me and iv wasted 6 years on this tosser..

OP posts:

ginmakesitallok · 07/08/2015 23:26

You say you're not possessive or clingy, but you're pacing your bedroom in a rage because he spent time with people who you don't like? What would possessive and clingy look like then?

Original poster

juicyolives · 07/08/2015 23:32

When i said at his front door...i mean they were sat drinking.
Not leaving through it.

OP posts:

KungFuhrer · 07/08/2015 23:32

I'm sorry you're upset its probably best that things have ended, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for either of you

chickenfuckingpox · 07/08/2015 23:36

never get into a relationship with a neighbour wish i listened to that advice myself

Original poster

juicyolives · 07/08/2015 23:38

I understand what your saying but its the lie that did it. If i had been unreasonable in the past about stuff and felt he had to lie to keep me happy then fair enough.
But iv never been like that. Iv always taken his word for it. Iv never reacted in a bad way all the time i have been with him. He had no reason to have to lie about anything..yet he did.

OP posts:

ginmakesitallok · 07/08/2015 23:42

He was hardly hiding them from you if they were sitting at his front door 2 minutes from your house.

KungFuhrer · 07/08/2015 23:43

But maybe they were leaving and then decided to have one last drink? Its not unusual. I also think it's understandable that he didn't invite you over when they were there, he probably guessed what your reaction would be.

Original poster

juicyolives · 07/08/2015 23:58

Yer i understand what your all saying..
He knows how i feel about this couple. Since all the trouble was caused. My kids and i got 48 hours of shit from him because this couple had repeated and twisted something i had said. On hindsight i wished i hadn't of said anything to her, but once you get to know somebody and we were having a quite drink together you talk about men..and have a bit of a moan. She went and repeated it to my partner who went in a rage with me in front of the kids. He wouldn't speak to me or the kids for days, so now you can understand why i feel like i do about this couple.
My fault for trusting her..i know that now.

OP posts:

lordStrange · 08/08/2015 00:00

The leaving - but not really - lie is a red herring.

You feel you have been betrayed because these were friends of you both. She shit stirred with some private thing you'd shared.

Now he has continued the friendship and excluded you.

I am really not surprised you are hurt by this. He is very disloyal to you. I would fuck the sorry trio off if I were you.

wetcrow · 08/08/2015 01:18

He sounds disloyal and disrespectful. And this couple sound toxic. You don't need that stress in your life. Be kind to yourself and do something nice with the kids tomorrow.

Guiltypleasures001 · 08/08/2015 01:56

Hi Juicy

I think maybe the reason you went off was the culmination of everything he has said and done to hurt you over the years

Everything came out lovely it was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak. You've said your piece now close ranks and Batten down the hatches as they say, and shut him out for a while.

In the next few days weeks you will realise you have dodged a bullet because you could have married this gas lighting lying son of a B, you haven't and your not gonna now are you?

Take stock and breath the hard bit is over the next bit is to re build.

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