Iv just totally humiliated myself in the street...

[juicyolives]

Hi to you all. Sorry to rant and rave in this post but i gotta do it somewhere..im up in my bedroom while the kids are unaware in their room. Iv cried, iv paced the floor and now iv finally decided to sit and write it all down..because i feel im going to explode...im still crying and i feel so fucking angry with myself!!!! Sorry for bad typing..
Iv just caused a huge scene outside my partners house. Which is literally 2 mins down the road from mine. Something i have never done before.. I couldn't control myself...
What happened was we became friendly with another couple, which was ok at first. We all got on good. Then we had a major fall out as she had betrayed my trust about something i had told her in confidence, it got back to my partner and it caused huge rows between us. Then the 'wife' started to tx my partner (we're not married) the odd evening..just random stuff about her hubby. Nothing really bad but the thought of her txing him pissed me off to be honest. It caused more friction between me and this couple and between me and him.

Then a few months ago i found out this couple had been at my partners house odd evenings while i was unaware and at home. I felt angry because this was the same couple that had caused trouble between us before, yet he was being so bloody pally with them. It felt like he was putting them before me.
Anyhow, tonight i phoned him and he said that couple were at his, but they were just leaving. Something...intuition...didnt feel right, he has lied about stuff in the past. I left it half hour before walking to his house to catch her on his front step laughing and joking with her hubby and my partner. I felt so hurt, excluded and betrayed. He fucking lied again.
So that was when i went off on one in the street. Swearing and calling him a liar etc etc..i must of looked deranged... I feel so embarrassed and ashamed that i did that but at the same time i feel so angry and upset. Im pacing my bedroom....
I have took off my engagement ring. I feel this is the final nail in the coffin for us.
I don't want him back...hes a liar and prefers his mates. But it hurts so much that he would lie to me about spending time with them!! I don't get it..its not like its another woman..its another couple...I feel so sick and betrayed.
What do i do now....

Thankyou for all your posts, iv slept a bit but everytime i woke it was like i was remembering the night before for the first time and i would feel a jolt of sickness in my chest.
Im taking the kids out today, we were meant to be going out all together but now iv decided to take them to the park for couple hours. He contacted me last night and said i only went round there to have a go at him...so like him to turn it around.

I tell him what my issue is with this couple but its like hes not hearing or listening to me as he constantly talks over me and starts shouting.
He then last night told me to go back to my knock off??? (he constantly accuses me of cheating..i never have or would)

Its like he uses that line to deflect from the real situation... If i had a knock off i wouldn't of reacted so badly, i probably wouldn't give a shit...?

Iv switched off my phone and im just getting on with everyday stuff. Im finding it hard to focus on much right now, just feel worn down and foolish.
I know things will get better and ill start to feel better, I just wish that day was today. i wish i could just forget and move on.

It's not about them at all really, is it? It's about Him.

Even if you don't end it, he probably will after that!

You don't live together and you have a problem with this couple. Your bf doesn't have an issue with this couple so he doesn't invite you round when they are there. He was not hiding them he mentioned they were there and maybe they were getting ready to go so I am not sure where he lied to you. You mention other lies he has told you, are you sure these were actual lies and if they were was he forced to lie because he thought you would go off on one because you cannot handle the truth given how it pissed you off when the woman was innocuously texting your partner.

He just doesn't sound very nice to you.

"He then last night told me to go back to my knock off??? (he constantly accuses me of cheating..i never have or would"

Why would you at all go back to someone like this individual particularly if he constantly accusing you of cheating?.

I think your relationship bar has been worn down gradually over the past 6 years and he is no decent man at all to be with. What do you want to be teaching your children about relationships, surely not this?. Leave him to this pair he has taken up a friendship with.

You don't like them because they were shit to you! He should get his priorities straight imo and if they are horrible about you not see them. I wouldn't want to spend time with someone that had deliberately caused trouble between me and my DH.

He hasn't because he is selfish and has too little respect for your feelings. Fuck him and find someone who does deserve you.

He sounds like a bit of a twat and that woman sounds like a shit stirrer. Stay away from the lot of them and have a fresh start.

He has basically made it clear that he wants to be and is happy to be friends with these people despite the trouble they have caused between you.

Well from your later posts he isn't very nice to you any way.

Onwards and upwards.

You deserve better than this man.

Thank goodness you didn't marry him or live together.

Once you are healed you can move on a lot faster.

You should be proud that u finally made a decision and left him. Hold your head up high. You dont need this rubbish day in day out. What a loser.

You say you're not possessive or clingy, but you're pacing your bedroom in a rage because he spent time with people who you don't like? What would possessive and clingy look like then?

I have to agree with this.

On this occasion he didn't lie.

TBH I think you are probably better off without each other.

hes making you become somebody you dont even recognise anymore.

I think youre right to end it. It doesnt matter whos right or wrong, but youre becoming massively insecure and when that happens nd it hasnt before, its usually because someones sitting there tweaking it

I don't think the ins and outs matter.

Regardless of whether it is him at fault, or you over reacting ...something in the equation of you+him..... =you losing control.

And your kids don't benefit from a mother losing control, or being eaten away at real/percived slights and selfishness.

Maybe take some time out from relationships to focus on working out what you need as a firm line in the sand in a relationship, so you'll be less inclined to settle for less than your absolute needs in the future.

It is also giving it time to let the dust settle on your immediate hurt/loss in order to work out what might be "hair trigger" pressure points for you in a relationship.

I was a huge bit of a basketcase after my first marriage died, which just added to my pre-existing abaondonment issues. For a while there any relationship I had was doomed to fail becuase I was reacting to real, past hurt by triggering at immagined hurts. The best thing I did in my "getting over original issues AND DH 1.0 issues" process, was taking time out of all and any relationships to let my wounds heal.

It took a concerted effort (and lots of "people in relationships" watching) to learn what minimum baselines I needed. Then I had to acquire the will to chop a newly sprouted romantic interest dead the second I saw signs that there was a missing element I could not do without.

And

If it makes you feel any better, back in the day I had you soundly beat in the "totally humilate self" stakes. Pain, loss and grief can leave wounds that need time and attention to heal well. I couldn't heal as a member of the walking wounded while I wasn't wholly concentred on getting better as pre-requisite to getting back out there. If any of that rings a bell, then picking you and your need to recover might be your best foot forward.

You are sooo much better off without him. Don't let him wheedle his way back in.

Sounds disloyal but hard to judge depending on what was said. But to go causing that scene on his door step and accusing him of lying is unhinged!

It really depends on what you've confided in your friend. If you have done something worthy of your partner knowing then you can't blame her if she felt the need to tell him. Judging by your reaction I would question your dps side as well. You lost it in the street for everyone to hear because he had friends around. I know that would be controlling by mn standards. Yes it might be an accumulation of a host of issues but the way you handled it was unacceptable.

This sounds like a really dysfunctional relationship altogether. Fighting, controlling behaviour on both sides, drinking in the street, feuding with friends, public slanging matches...and children caught up in the middle of it?

It all sounds like a toxic environment that everyone is better off out of.

It sounds like this relationship is a disaster, so put an end to it now.
And then have a little think about yourself and what you want out of life. Because it could be that you are a whiny, clinging, demanding PITA as a partner (certainly people who have drunken tanties in the street don't sound all that desirable) and need to sort yourself out before you date anyone else.

Yes i agree last night my behavior wasn't acceptable.
Im not dysfunctional or clingy or whiny or any of the other things that some have suggested on here. I was married in a good loving relationship for 22 years, Im a strong woman who has brought up four children single handed since the death of my husband 8 years ago.
This relationship has been wrong from the beginning.
I shouldn't have stayed with him when he showed signs of controlling abuse and manipulation in the beginning but i did. Whats done is done.
I feel he has turned me from a confident woman into an emotional wreck with years of mind games and mental abusive. All because i fell in love with the wrong man.
Last night was the only time in the whole of my relationship i totally snapped and had enough. Up till now i have taken everything in my stride and kept my cool. It may seem to some of you to have been about something totally small and ridiculous last night but on hindsight now i realise its an accumulation of crap iv put up with over the years.
From now on onwards and upwards.
Thanks for your help all of you. x

I would suggest you look at and enrol on Womens Aid Freedom Programme as this could help as could reading "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft. This man is in those pages.

FWIW I think you were targeted by him as well as falling in love with the wrong man; some abusive men like "strong women" (but who may have chinks in their overall self esteem and self worth) to exploit and drag down with them to their level. Abuse like you have suffered is indeed insidious in its onset. Such men like this man also hate women, all of them. You are well away from him. Do not under any circumstances go back to him, you and your children deserve better.

He sounds awful. You don't need a loser like that in your life and your kids lives. Well done on getting rid of him - stay strong x