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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Online dating - met a guy. He's married. Please help me contain my rage.

30 replies

JanuaryKat · 07/08/2015 20:31

That says most of it really. Apologies in advance for typos.
The wife, understandably is gunning for me.
I didn't know he was married until his wife messaged me.
His first response was to message me & give me a diff mob no to contact him on. He says it's a 'cycle' she goes through.
I don't want to drip feed but need to go & calm down

OP posts:
takenlikeafool · 07/08/2015 20:33

Fuck. Have you told the wife you had no clue?

Also, how has this been going on for?

Finally, breathe! It's better now you know x

woowoo22 · 07/08/2015 20:34

Ewwww. What a twat (him). What are you going to do?

WorzelsCornyBrows · 07/08/2015 20:35

How awful for you!

I think you have every right to defend yourself to the wife and explain that her husband is the only person she should be angry at and you are also angry having not previously been aware of his marital status. Also, tell her the new number he's given you.

Text him, tell him how disgusted you are in him and then block all numbers. Don't get drawn into a conversation, you owe it to yourself to rid yourself of this man.

ARV1981 · 07/08/2015 20:40

^this.

Original poster
JanuaryKat · 07/08/2015 20:41

The wife has been trying to phone me. She has sent a nessage via Facebook to tell me what a disgusting person I am. She is under the impression I am married (I'm not) - I have children & she has obviously looked at my FB profile.

OP posts:
Original poster
JanuaryKat · 07/08/2015 20:44

Hahaha (sarcastic nervous laugh)
I am now described as 'bad pussy' by one of his friends. Said (married) friend I recognise from the same dating website Angry

OP posts:
lighteningirl · 07/08/2015 20:45

Well she has zero right to be angry at you he is the lying scumbag and she is the enabling idiot. That would be my attitude tell her to do one you are the injured party, how dare she call you names!!!

maybebabybee · 07/08/2015 20:46

I would message his wife back and put her straight OP! Her twat husband is the person she should be blaming, not you.

Original poster
JanuaryKat · 07/08/2015 20:51

He has messaged to thank me for keeping quiet thus far.
His story to DW is I pursued him. We share a hobby (we bloody well don't) I was very interested & he offered to help/teach me ######viking combat#####
ffs

OP posts:
maybebabybee · 07/08/2015 20:53

How the hell are you not messaging his wife back

I genuinely don't understand why you wouldn't :s

If nothing else she ought to know what a fucker she married

saltnpepa · 07/08/2015 20:54

Block them all, this is their family problem not your problem. I think you can just walk away from this one and leave them all to it.

butterflygirl15 · 07/08/2015 21:11

tighten your facebook settings so she can't see anything, and then tell her the facts and block her.

Original poster
JanuaryKat · 07/08/2015 21:18

They've all blocked me. With the message that I am many a man's downfall.
I hope that's the end of it.
I didn't tell the wife because they have 4 DCs.

OP posts:
woowoo22 · 07/08/2015 21:20

Wow.

I would have told her. He sounds like an utter shit.

foxmitten · 07/08/2015 21:23

"I must apologise for my part in this. You may choose to believe me or not but for what it's worth your husband informed me he was single when we met on a dating site. There is no shared interest and he has not been helping me with anything, other than how to spot a lying, cheating arsewipe. I do hope you can direct your ire to the person who deserves it." Then block. But not before sending her screenshots of the messages where he thanks you for keeping quiet. And any where he pursued you, if you have them.

Then move on. He won't be the last.

Original poster
JanuaryKat · 07/08/2015 21:24

Urggh the major thing that's REALLY pissing me off is her 'shame on you & your poor children having a mother like you' I am a disgrace... blaaaa .... blaaaaa
& then being slagged off by their male friends who were on the dating website - these guys have wives, girlfriends - their complete f***ing arrogance

OP posts:
SoozeyHoozey · 07/08/2015 21:27

Completely disengage from both of them. Block/delete everything. Don't respond.

pocketsaviour · 07/08/2015 21:31

He says it's a 'cycle' she goes through.

That sounds like a Jeremy Kyle episode waiting to happen.

Horrible experience for you - but I think you'll count it a lucky escape?

ChilliAndMint · 07/08/2015 21:38

Yep, I understand what you are going through.

Haven't had the wife message me but the ones who appear to be the most normal often are. I use 192 and genes reunited to check them out first.

He does this regularly hence his wife's cyber vigilance.

Not involve with a married man ( as far as I know) but someone who I think might be romantically involved with someone else, See my depressing thread.

It's worth cyber stalking them to the hilt, I know that sounds sad but you can't take anyone on their word alone.

Original poster
JanuaryKat · 07/08/2015 22:00

Chilli - how depressing ....
I think it's safer & more fulfilling to adopt a box of kittens, or rats ..... or even spiders .....

OP posts:
lotsoffunandgames · 07/08/2015 22:04

If it were me I would have told her the truth regardless of the kids.she deserves to know. Otherwise she will waste more time on this scumbag.how many other women have there been.on a bloody dating website when you are married ffs!

Original poster
JanuaryKat · 07/08/2015 22:16

Hmmmmmmm
If it hadn't spiralled into so much slagging off & hatred towards me I would let it pass.
One of my friends has told me DW has put out a request to find an archery teacher.
I'll sleep on it.

OP posts:
butterflygirl15 · 07/08/2015 22:18

I would get a friend to message her and tell her the truth tbh.

Why does she want an archery teacher?

WorzelsCornyBrows · 07/08/2015 22:19

Jeez, she sounds unhinged. I guess she's planning to forgive her husband though. Just blame the OW and everything will be fine Confused

I think you need to say something to put an end to the public character assassination.

Ladyconstance · 07/08/2015 22:20

January, I hope you're ok. I think it's really important for your sanity and self respect that you push back the comments and messages from the wife, the shitbag and friends right back at them. You've done nothing wrong and they're out of order to try to shame you. Their lies and problems are their issues, not yours. You shouldn't have to take any of it without comment, before blocking them

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