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Original poster

Online dating just isn't working for me

34 replies

Newbrummie · 27/07/2015 22:48

But what's the alternative ?
I had a few dates with an old school friend I thought was going really well but tbh he has that much baggage and shit in his life when he said he didn't want a relationship I was quite relieved.
Where do we meet people these days ? And I'd include female friends as much as men because I've got none of them in real life either ð??©

OP posts:
MagpieCursedTea · 27/07/2015 22:53

Evening classes? Exercise classes? The gym? Through friends? Speed dating? Singles nights/events? Local Facebook groups?

I'm sure there'll be better answers but just some ideas!

FolkGirl · 27/07/2015 22:59

Am-dram; musical theatre groups; join a choir...

What do you enjoy?

FolkGirl · 27/07/2015 23:00

Dance classes?

SelfLoathing · 28/07/2015 00:34

OLD is a waste of time and should only be looked at as a "needle in a haystack possible but unlikely" way to meet a decent man. An add on to real life rather than a primary source.

Any kind of regular commitment is a good way to meet people and make friends. Evening classes or clubs (reading groups etc) that are male dominated are good for meeting men.

Volunteering is a good way to meet other women. Generally it's a female work base.

aeon456 · 28/07/2015 01:01

There's a website called 'Streetlife' that enables people to link up to other people in their local community:-

www.streetlife.com/

"Streetlife makes it easy to connect with local people, ask questions about your area, share news, events and recommendations with neighbours."

There is a lunch club and people have arranged meetups in my local area

It gives you a far better idea of events that are taking place locally and generally makes you feel more a part of the community.

I recommend it if you are looking to connect with other people as there always seem to be events advertised in our area.

Original poster
Newbrummie · 28/07/2015 11:00

That's great thank you for all the suggestions. I start university in september and will join a gym then too, I plan to make a huge effort to join in everything too

OP posts:
AnUtterIdiot · 28/07/2015 11:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

throwingpebbles · 28/07/2015 11:09

I think depending how old you are you are going to have to accept people come with a whole heap of baggage!
I have a truck load of baggage but luckily my new man is very understanding about it

CitySnicker · 28/07/2015 11:11

MeetUp

ImperialBlether · 28/07/2015 11:13

How old are you? If you're starting university you have a fantastic opportunity to meet new people. Join every club that interests you.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 28/07/2015 11:20

'OLD is a waste of time and should only be looked at as a "needle in a haystack possible but unlikely" way to meet a decent man.'

I kind of get impression on here that a fair whack of people met their partners via OLD. Its not for everyone but your statement just sound bitter TBH

LurcioAgain · 28/07/2015 11:22

If I was advising the 30-something year old me, I'd say mixed sports clubs - ultimate frisbee, korfball, dragon-boating, that kind of thing.

Music might be another option. Classical music (which I do because I love it) is very woman-heavy, and mostly older people so not a brilliant source of potential partners, but I get the impression that acoustic/unplugged nights in local pubs for say folk music are much more evenly balanced and attract a younger crowd.

Blossomflowers · 28/07/2015 11:28

OLD is a numbers game, there are a few decent men on there also a lot of idiots. I am rural and work from home so for me seems the only way, I am ever hopeful

Original poster
Newbrummie · 28/07/2015 11:36

I'm 40 this September.
Baggage per say doesn't bother me it's the not dealing with it in his case, at the beck and call of the mother of his child 6 years after they split that sort of thing. Anyway that's done and dusted now, clearly not meant to be.

OP posts:
BoeBarlow · 28/07/2015 11:37

I met my DH through OLD. He was actually the first "match" I was given. We say that must mean we were the most compatible for each other Smile It's not a waste of time for everyone.

DrSethHazlittMD · 28/07/2015 14:45

I tried OLD for two years. Hopeless. Most of my friends say the same. In fact, I totted it up last year. I know 42 people who did OLD for between six and twelve months. Of those, one has got married and one had a relationship that lasted more than three months. Not a great ratio for success.

I think it often depends where you live. Same for MeetUp. Unless you live in a pretty large town or city, it often doesn't exist. I've joined every club with anything I am slightly interested in (no point doing something you don't like, you won't come over at your best) and single five years. My best friend is the same, is always out, did OLD for three years, attractive, interesting, loads of hobbies. Single eight years and counting.

MadeMan · 28/07/2015 14:54

Whenever I have a look on Meetup, it seems to be mainly 'Go Down Pub And Get Pissed' type groups, or 'Networking For Business Entrepreneurs.'

rouxlebandit · 28/07/2015 15:01

I'm always envious of young people today having the use of OLD. When I was in my 20's and 30's there wasn't even the internet! So I can't understand why OLD doesn't work for so many people on this forum. Having said that, a lady I know who's on an OLD site said that she seems to attract men who only want sex. And one man told her he loved her on only the second date! Can someone enlighten me what goes wrong with OLD? Sorry OP if I'm hijacking.

throwingpebbles · 28/07/2015 15:02

I have met a lovely man through OLD now, I had just gone on to cancel my subscription after getting fed up with it when he sent me a message! I think it is worth trying a few different sites before you write it off. I never held out much hope for it but saw it as opening up a few more possibilities to meet someone when my social life as a single mum is very limited.

OooMatron · 28/07/2015 17:34

OLD doesnt work 'as well' as real life because you cannot get a connection through a photo. I do not take a good photo but in RL I'm far more attractive because I have a good personality, hence OLD wont work for me as men go on looks first and that is a fact.

Fairylea · 28/07/2015 17:38

I think it's a bit of a shame everyone here is saying old dating doesn't work. There was a thread on here the other day saying the exact opposite - lot of success stories such as my own. But - it is definitely a numbers game. You have to have a hard skin and block and delete if you don't like the sound / look of someone and keep going. Of course if you can do things in real life to meet people too that's great but I wouldn't give up online dating. It's just another way to meet people, and yes there are some twats but then there are plenty of twats in real life too!

Original poster
Newbrummie · 28/07/2015 18:09

They tend to give up on me really quickly tbh. I get enough interest and likes based on my looks but they lose interest bloody quick when I mention the kids and I'm a student, which ironic because I probably have more money than most of them due to my very frugal lifestyle, but it's as if they think I'm looking for them to come along and save me from despair and they don't fancy it.

OP posts:
throwingpebbles · 28/07/2015 18:36

I figured I would be upfront about having kids, yes it probably frightens off most men but then I would only want a man in my life who accepted my kids were a big part of my life

FolkGirl · 28/07/2015 21:56

I didn't find the children were a particular issue.

I was thinking about it this morning, actually.

My personality is fine, my profile was great, I mentioned in my profile that I have children so that wasn't a surprise.

The problem is me!

I'm not tiny/slim so I don't attract men who are lookjng for a tiny/petite woman. I'm not big enough to attract men who like 'larger ladies'.

I am an average/curvy 12 and even if they state they're looking for slim/average/curvy, when they meet me/have dated me for a few months, they realise they'd actually prefer someone smaller and slimmer. And younger and prettier.

Oh well!

ToastedOrFresh · 29/07/2015 06:11

OLD is a waste of time and should only be looked at as a "needle in a haystack possible but unlikely" way to meet a decent man. An add on to real life rather than a primary source.

Agree.

Although it works for some, obviously.

Interesting societal change though. Up until the early nineties 'Dating Agencies' were only for the desperate, there was a hint of shame or being a loser by joining. These days it's the height of fashion among the majority of people looking for a partner. I can't help but wonder what changed.