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Original poster

Any one else been single a long time?

58 replies

happyandsingle · 19/07/2015 19:38

Just realised I've been single over seven years now pretty much all of my 30s apart from one brief relationship.
Since my daughter was born basically I've bought her up from birth with no one to share those times with which makes me pretty sad sometimes.
Has anyone else been single a long time and how do you come to terms with it?
I'm 36 now and I want to learn to stop panicking about my long term single status. I have dabbled with Internet dating but am not over confident so not sure that's the way to go.
Not really sure what response I'm expecting but it would be nice to hear from others who have been single a long time as I'm beginning to feel like the only one out there.
Might add that I don't get a lot of alone time so it's hard to get out and meet someone plus never have a lot of spare cash as get no financial help from dd dad. Pl ignore my username as I don't feel like I am happy being single any more lol.

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 19/07/2015 19:56

I've been single for a very long time. But unlike you I don't have a child to be responsible for. I'm pretty busy with work, hobbies and other interests and I really don't miss what I've never had.

What steps are you taking to increase your circle of friends, indulge in your particular interests?

bertsdinner · 19/07/2015 21:36

I've been single for a very long time. My last relationship was when I was 23, I'm now 47! I've never wanted children so it was never imperative for me to settle down.
I do have quite bad anxiety issues and depression, and am a very private, introverted person. I find it difficult to get close to people. These are my reasons, but I don't regret or mind being single, in a way, I like it.
In the last year I have got more control over my anxiety and have felt that I would like to date. However, I just havnt met anyone I like, I can't "settle", I'd rather be alone.
The only thing that bothers me about my long term singledom is I think people will consider me weird. I tend to gloss over it in real life or let people think I'm attached.

brokenhearted55a · 19/07/2015 21:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrstweefromtweesville · 19/07/2015 21:42

A long, long, long time.

fiddlybulb · 19/07/2015 21:49

About six years here, with some brief relationships along the way. It's tough sometimes, but when I look around at my friends' relationships, I wouldn't swap with most of them. Kind, funny men who genuinely like clever, independent women, and who are willing to have a relationship with someone who prioritises her children, are few and far between in my experience - and I'd rather be single than go out with a man who doesn't fit that description.

It is lonely and a bit sad sometimes. But then there are also lots of times when I'm sooooo glad to have my bed to myself, my house to myself, my time to myself, my head to myself.

IrenetheQuaint · 19/07/2015 21:50

I'm 37 and have been utterly single (no dating, kissing, anything) for five years. Sometimes I do think it would be fun to meet some interesting men... but I'm not really suited to being in relationships, I find it a bit stressful and irritating, whereas I have a happy and interesting life as a single person.

Walkacrossthesand · 19/07/2015 21:56

20 years, 3 grown up DCs. I'd love to be in a partnership but I can't make it happen so my best way forward is to be happy single.
My impression is that I'm unusual - I do have some single friends, but most of the divorcees I know seem to meet someone pretty quickly (within a year or three).
Someone asked me yesterday 'have you ever considered remarrying?' Confused Errr - no-one's asked me! was my reply.....

Cinnamoncookie · 19/07/2015 22:05

I'm 40, been single since I was 22. Like a PP, I don't have DCs, and I think it is different if you don't. I like living alone, on the whole, and would find it very difficult to share a living space with someone else after so long. I did a bit of internet dating, and had a FWB for a while, but I don't just want to be with someone for the sake of being with someone.

I have a busy life and lots of friends, single, married, gay and straight, DC and none. I do think that some people are more temperamentally suited to being single than other people. No judgement on one situation or the other, just an observation.

Feelingworriednow · 19/07/2015 22:07

13 years without so much as a cuddle! I work in a female dominated profession and am generally crap at making new friends so opportunities to meet men are limited. I also give off a "don't even try" vibe built up over years of building walls to protect my feeble confidence that was left shattered after exH buggered off with OW. I would love to have a wonderful husband but I'm not prepared to even try now as past experiences have been pretty bad. Just me, DD and the cats! I am indeed a cliché!

Garlick · 19/07/2015 22:13

Another clichéd celibate here. No relationship for 14 years, no sex for 10. I don't even make the effort, tbh. Prospects are extremely poor for various reasons and I don't "need" a partner. I certainly don't want complications in my life, and am happy enough.

Selfishness is great! Grin

Anniegetyourgun · 19/07/2015 22:14

Divorced seven years ago, haven't felt the need for a relationship since, children and cats is fine by me!

Original poster
happyandsingle · 19/07/2015 22:21

It's refreshing to hear other long term single people on here being open and honest about it.
For some reason when others ask how long I've been single for I always lie and say a year or something like that as I feel worried about other people's perception of me if I admit the truth.
We are made to believe in society that being part of a couple is the norm.
I to feel that maybe I'm just not cut out to being in a relationship. I was left for the ow as well so maybe I'm scared of being hurt again? Some people seem to fall into relationships so easy but I've always found it hard.
Guess I'm noticing it more as all my friends in my age group are settling down and have found someone by now.

OP posts:
TheySayIamparanoid · 19/07/2015 22:39

I've been single for 5 years, and although I make a joke of being too intolerant to live with someone again, I do occasionally miss it!
I think in a way I was sacred of getting hurt but realised last week I can't keep my walls built up like that- it's no way to live!
Was out last week with friends and got serenaded by a guy on karaoke who sounded just like Neil Diamond!

springydaffs · 19/07/2015 22:46

Oh AGES! 20 years? Something like that.

I have a great time. I can't imagine having a partner now, it would be so weird (how would we fit in the bed? My 6'+ husband and I did, but I can't see how). I'd like a partner but not at any cost. The only thing I'm resentful of is all the sex I've missed. But ime marriage turned me off sex - with him, anyway.

For years and years I just didn't meet anyone eligible - only married/partnered or very young (tempting, but not that tempting). I met someone recently on a walk but he played a bit hard to get (yawn)

In thinking of getting a dog. But I know I'm going to be irritated the dog won't wash up or get me a cup of tea.

CalmYourselfTubbs · 19/07/2015 22:47

42 and single almost a decade.
i reckon its terminal.
i can't see myself meeting anyone at this late stage.
in respect of decent, single, sane, reasonably attractive men - the cupboard is bare here and i live in a city Shock.
i've given up now and have come to terms with a life alone.
luckily i like my own company or else i'd be climbing the walls.
being on the pill helps hugely too. Wink

NeedsMoreCowBell · 19/07/2015 22:54

40 and single for past 8ish years.
2DCs I've raised myself so they've kept me busy.

I am lonely and that seems to be getting more problematic for me.
Chances of me meeting anyone are extremely slim.

Fairygodfucker · 19/07/2015 22:55

I've been single since before my youngest was born so over 9 years. I sometimes think it'll be nice to get a man for the house but that feeling generally passes very quickly. I've never been the kind of woman who needs the validation of being in a relationship. I always found that I had to give up too much of myself to be in relationships. So it's just me and the dc's. Im happy with the status quo. If I meet someone who fits right within my family then I'd consider it but it's not something I actively seek and I wouldn't be disappointed if it never happened.

NeedsMoreCowBell · 19/07/2015 23:07

Agree with Fairygodfucker

Someone who fits with my family would be nice to come across but it's not something I'd look too hard for.

NickiFury · 19/07/2015 23:09

Yes, over five years. Through choice. I've been married twice, lived with two others. It's not for me. I live with my two children and my dog now and we do alright ????. I don't want to make the compromises required to be in a relationship.

Original poster
happyandsingle · 19/07/2015 23:17

Do women really think they have no chance of meeting someone past forty.
I really don't want to be alone forever and would hate to think I've only got till forty to meet someone.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 19/07/2015 23:23

I'm in my mid 40s. A little over a year ago I split up with an FWB I'd been seeing for about 18 months (if you can "split up" with someone you're not officially going out with!) Before him I was single for about 5 years and before that I was in a disastrous relationship I bitterly regret.

I'd like to find someone I can trust as a friend who I can also have great sex with. This might happen, I suppose. I cannot see myself getting into anything serious and committed, for various reasons.

Garlick · 19/07/2015 23:24

No, happy, that is definitely not the case!

I married XH2 (who was younger) at 43. My mum met her current partner at 81. My 47-year-old friend's in the honeymoon stage of her relationship, and lots of other friends met their partners at 40+ :)

Gabilan · 19/07/2015 23:25

"Do women really think they have no chance of meeting someone past forty."

At least one of my female friends has started a long-term relationship in their 50s. It can happen. However, I hate it when people say "there's someone for everyone". Bullshit. There isn't.

Squeegle · 19/07/2015 23:42

I feel like I've been single for AGES! My ex and I split up 3 years ago - but were not really a couple for at least 3 years before that. I do feel lonely at times; it's hard work with two argumentative preteens, and seemingly perfect couples all around!
But, I don't think it's impossible to find someone over 40. I'm 49 and have met a couple of possibilities, one if whom is a kind of BF. But in all honesty, when you have two DCs, you are not likely to rush into an all encompassing relationship- they have to come first. I also think I'm not a particularly tolerant person; I probably need to work at seeing someone very often, am
So used to my own company now that I find it hard to put up with anyone for too long at a time!

beaglesaresweet · 19/07/2015 23:52

the problem is a lack of single men (not the commitment-phobes as they are forever single) between 30 and 50ish, seems like more men get divorced from 50 or so - or at least they get interested in having another ltr after that! Other than that, some women seem to easily find a new BF, and some just don't, not even sure what the secret is (of the first type).