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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner said

33 replies

idokidok13 · 13/07/2015 09:41

I have "a fucking horrible miserable face like your mothers"
Then "well it is ugly" and then when I told him to piss off "Atleast I wont have to fucking look at it anymore"
I don't know what to do. I just keep trying not to think about it and end up crying.
Hes said other stuff about my looks before as a "joke" e.g I have a witches chin.
He knows how insecure I am, the other day we were shopping trying to find something nice to wear out and I ended up crying because every thing I tried on looked awful. Maybe I am a bit mental but I'm sobut upset about this. He said it on an argument not randomly butand admittedly I do kind of have "bitchy resting face" :/

OP posts:

tallwivglasses · 13/07/2015 09:43

Jesus, so who's he, Johnny Depp? Why are you with him exactly?

FernGullysWoollyPully · 13/07/2015 09:49

This is disgusting. Why put up with that sort of abuse? I don't care if it's in the heat of an argument, there's no excuse.

UncertainSmile · 13/07/2015 09:49

He sounds a right charmer.

worldgonecrazy · 13/07/2015 09:49

Everyone has a bitchy resting face - that's why it's a "thing".

But if my partner spoke to me like that I'd have his bags packed and I'd be telling him some home truths too, no one is perfect.

Your partner should be the person building you up, not knocking you down. It would be better to be single than put up with that shit.

Original poster

idokidok13 · 13/07/2015 09:51

I'm starting to not know, we have a 2 year old, he's nice sometimes but never that nicenice really... I wish he'd just treat me better because I love him but he just won't. Sometimes he doesjust but not really. He calls me boring and says I have no lifelife. Hlifees not wrong but before I got pregnant I was hanging around with a bunch of twats and drinking every day, ending up in hospital cause of drinking drinkongdrinkong/mental health stuff, getting arrested blablabla I'd rather be boring tbh, these days I just stay in and do t really have many friends because I'm so shy which is why I was drinking so much in the first place, but I'mth proud of myself for being so "boring" tbh

OP posts:

Nabootique · 13/07/2015 09:55

You're not boring. You've overcome a massive issue in your life and I'm guessing trying to be a responsible parent. He's a twat and you deserve better.

Original poster

idokidok13 · 13/07/2015 09:57

I just dont understand. No one else has ever called me ugly, I've haTed myself for a lot of reasons in the past but not once did I ever think k that I was ugly before its just not ssomething I worried about
Now i feel embarrassed for ever thinking I looked ok.

OP posts:

sensiblesometimes · 13/07/2015 10:05

It's a power thing for for him ..he's found your weakness( insecurities about your looks we all have them) and he's exploiting this to have power over you keep you down. He is a bully .
Find some confidence from somewhere (he's eroding yours daily) and till him to piss off ...
shallow people judge people by there looks find someone who else, who at the very least speaks to you with respect ..and who likes you for who you are not what you look like .

badtime · 13/07/2015 10:05

You were right before.

Think about it - if no-one has ever acted like you were ugly before, who is more likely to be correct, your ('never that nice') partner, or everybody else you've ever met?

He is being nasty to make you feel bad. He is abusive.

sensiblesometimes · 13/07/2015 10:13

You've overcome issues in you past to get to where you are now
You don't need this man putting you down and keeping you back. Look online get support to help with your history increase your confidence. Move on leave him behind.

Branleuse · 13/07/2015 10:18

hes a cunt. He speaks to you like shit. come on woman, have some self respect and dump him

FernGullysWoollyPully · 13/07/2015 10:22

It's a power thing for for him ..he's found your weakness( insecurities about your looks we all have them) and he's exploiting this to have power over you keep you down. He is a bully.

I couldn't agree with this more. He's worked a real number on you.

Please get support to leave him. You're worth so much more.

wallaby73 · 13/07/2015 10:40

Ask yourself this : why do you even believe him? Because he sounds like a complete shit.....

hellsbellsmelons · 13/07/2015 11:17

Please contact Womens Aid and get yourself signed up to attend your local Freedom Programme.
This is awful. It's abuse and you don't have to put up with it - you really don't.
You CAN and WILL do better, no matter what he says.
What a horrible way for your DC to grow up.
Thinking this is an OK way to speak to someone you are supposed to love!
Nice example to set....
Don't be this person. Don't be the person who allows her DC to be a victim or an abuser. Be the person who shows their DC that this is NOT acceptable and that no-one has to put up with being treated like a piece of shit.

TokenGinger · 13/07/2015 12:29

LTCunt.

NickiFury · 13/07/2015 14:47

I'm wondering if you're one of my in laws, her DH used to tell she had a "witches chin" too.

AnyFucker · 13/07/2015 15:00

I seriously doubt you are ugly

he's the ugly one

you can do much better than this

ShipShapeAhoy · 13/07/2015 15:04

What a cunt. If he thinks you're so ugly why did he ever get involved with you in the first place?

Congratulations on stopping drinking, for your next trick: leave this absolute wanker bastard.

ShipShapeAhoy · 13/07/2015 15:06

And argh I hate 'bitchy resting face'. Most people look a bit miserable when they aren't smiling, that's just normal. Only women get this pointed out to them again and again. It's "cheer up love" in a different guise. If you were to walk around with a perm-grin people would think you were insane.

AnyFucker · 13/07/2015 15:10

do men ever get told they have a bitchy resting face?

if I was confronted with name calling like this from someone purporting to love me, you can bet I'd have a face like a hatchet

Original poster

idokidok13 · 13/07/2015 15:12

I have no idea why he got with me in the first place, if he thinks im so ugly, maybe cause i was 21 which i guess was acceptable to him but now I'm 24 he said i was an older woman and he prefers younger women :S so maybe he used to like how I looked but 3 years and a baby later not so much? Some of these things I know he means because he's said them without meaning to be mean just like as a joke or a fact or something.

OP posts:

Tetleys · 13/07/2015 15:14

That is abusive. Even if you cannot believe that it is abuse, even if you think he is just ''telling the truth'', why would he be so pointlessly unpleasant to you?

Is he trying to make you grateful that he puts up with you?

Glitoris · 13/07/2015 15:16

Oh sweetheart,this chap is being abusive to you,can't you see that?

Original poster

idokidok13 · 13/07/2015 15:16

I do have kind of a miserable face I guess, and my chin is kind of witchy, I'd just like to think that my own boyfriend wouldnt be trying to find flaws in me, its not like I'm saying I'm perfect but he's meant to think I am hood enough surely that's normal? He just says "who do you think you are" and "your nothing apecial" basically. He thinks I'm comparing him to an idea of a perfect boyfriend, I think I'm comparing him to the idea of a normal boyfriend

OP posts:

Tetleys · 13/07/2015 15:16

You're an older woman, at 24?

Oh boy! is he not ageing himself then? In the last three years, how many years has he aged. I'm guessing, three?

Honestly, if he wasn't making you unhappy, I'd say he's hilarious.

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