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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I pay for everything ..advice

40 replies

louisedinah · 11/07/2015 20:48

I've got into this weird habit of me paying for everything with my best friend .
She always claims to have no money so I pay .
Last week we went into town ,I paid for train fare .
Then we just popped in primark and she said I could do with a couple of vests so I said il get you a couple .
Got to the till and the basket of things came to £50 and out of that I only had a £3.50 top the rest was hers .
Then we went for a drink that was £10 then dinner which was £30
Monday we have plans to go into town ans I know the same will happen again .
Shall I tell her I can't afford it ? I really want a new bottle of perfume which is £45 and I know if I buy that she will expect something for £45 too

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 11/07/2015 20:51

Seriously? Tell her to fuck off but not before you've got your money back

Outwith · 11/07/2015 20:51

That's a weird habit to get into! Just say that you can't afford it. Repeatedly.

Rebecca2014 · 11/07/2015 20:52

Seriously? I cannot believe there are actually people out there like you.

HermioneWeasley · 11/07/2015 20:52

Does she ever offer to pay you back?

What would happen if you say "your turn to pay"

Corygal · 11/07/2015 20:53

She's not your friend. Enjoy your new scent.

calzone · 11/07/2015 20:54

How on earth did that habit start? HmmShockShock

PoppyBlossom · 11/07/2015 20:54

Just, what? Why?

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers · 11/07/2015 20:55

Why did you say 'I'll get them for you' with the vests??

You are being ridiculous, just stop buying things for her.

AuntyMag10 · 11/07/2015 20:56

More fool you if you can't see how ridiculous your habit is.

sooperdooper · 11/07/2015 20:57

Don't be ridiculous, just say no!

paxtecum · 11/07/2015 20:57

Cancel the plans for Monday.

You could order the perfume on line or go into town on your own.

Lunastarfish · 11/07/2015 20:58

Why on earth did you offer to buy her clothes? At primark a couple of vests would be £3, not £50!

Go to town with her and only buy items for yourself. If she complains asks for reimbursement for last week

feministwithtitsin · 11/07/2015 20:59

Oh my god! Stop right now! Can't believe she had the cheek to pile her basket high with 50 quids worth of stuff she knew she didn't have the money to buy, and expected you to!

Its one thing buying drinks or dinner if one person is skint, but to be expected to buy clothes! Sounds like she is rinsing you!

GlitzAndGigglesx · 11/07/2015 21:01

She's using you good and proper. Stop going out with her

notapizzaeater · 11/07/2015 21:01

That's shocking. Just say no. If she's a true friend she will be ok with that. If she goes then she wasn't a friend at all. I pay for most of my friends teas when out as she's skint but she pays me back by babysitting.

Original poster
louisedinah · 11/07/2015 21:02

She doesn't work and I don't do too bad .
I kind of feel guilty even tho I know when she does have money I never see her .
I'm trying to deal with my mums death and I guess I enjoy having some company ..part of me thinks she's just using me

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 11/07/2015 21:03

Part of you thinks that????

KetchupIsNearlyAVegetable · 11/07/2015 21:05

Um, yeah, she's using you.

What would your mum have told you to do about it? Respect her memory by doing that.

verystressedmum · 11/07/2015 21:06

Yes she's using you. Stop buying her stuff she's taking the piss.

feministwithtitsin · 11/07/2015 21:07

It sounds like shes using you. She should be ashamed of herself. Flowers

DeanParrish · 11/07/2015 21:07

Ok Louise. Why do you really think you have to pay? Most people wouldn't consistently do that. Why do you feel you have to meet her expectations? Is it just this one friend or do others take advantage of you too?
Louise, don't let her take the piss out of you. She is using you. You can try to alter the dynamic of your friendship, say no or just don't offer payment, or end the friendship if you think she only wants you for your money.

BeaufortBelle · 11/07/2015 21:09

Right OP, she's being manipulative. You are a very lovely person - there are so many more people out there who are genuine and will just spend time with you because you are nice.

When did you lose your mum? Are you generally OK? Have you had any bereavement counselling? You don't need this person; you need your personal peace, self esteem and comfortable equilibrium.

Buy your new scent and enjoy it. Give yourself some "me" time. Thanks

candlesandlight · 11/07/2015 21:11

Have a similar "friend" although I see a lot less of her now, and when we do arrange to meet she will usually cancel ,unless she wants something.I was a bit suspicious about things then husband pointed out that she only contacts me when she wants something or has a crisis going on . Hopefully he never finds out about how I paid every tim !
Don't miss not seeing her, as we always only spoke about her and her life.

jennyperru · 11/07/2015 21:13

"part of me thinks she's using me". You need to get to where all of you knows she is using you and then walk away. Sorry to hear about your mum, I know how loss can mess with the way you see things.

Earlybird · 11/07/2015 21:15

Stop paying. If you want to continue to see her, suggest you meet at your house or hers for a cup of tea (or go to the park for a picnic) - anything that is free.

If she tries to get you to buy her something, just say you're on a budget and can't.

And definitely get that new perfume you want for yourself. No need to tell her about it - you're (obviously) not accountable to her. If she notices how lovely you smell, you don't have to explain.

Stop paying. There, i've said it again.