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Original poster

I pay for everything ..advice

40 replies

louisedinah · 11/07/2015 20:48

I've got into this weird habit of me paying for everything with my best friend .
She always claims to have no money so I pay .
Last week we went into town ,I paid for train fare .
Then we just popped in primark and she said I could do with a couple of vests so I said il get you a couple .
Got to the till and the basket of things came to £50 and out of that I only had a £3.50 top the rest was hers .
Then we went for a drink that was £10 then dinner which was £30
Monday we have plans to go into town ans I know the same will happen again .
Shall I tell her I can't afford it ? I really want a new bottle of perfume which is £45 and I know if I buy that she will expect something for £45 too

OP posts:
YonicScrewdriver · 11/07/2015 21:18

When the basket added up to £50, what stopped you saying "oh no, that's far too much, can we cancel and put some things back"?

TheDowagerCuntess · 11/07/2015 21:19

I'm so sorry about your Mum's death. Flowers

It's understandable that you want company in light of that, but her company is only going to make you feel worse.

What sort of total shit of a person takes advantage of a bereaved person like this, anyway? She should feel pretty ashamed of herself.

tribpot · 11/07/2015 21:23

Well if you go ahead with the trip - and I hope you don't - I wouldn't buy the perfume whilst she's there. Go in early and meet her there. But really she is taking the absolute piss out of you and you need to put a stop to it.

Original poster
louisedinah · 11/07/2015 22:26

I know I should of just said no sorry that's too much ,I just felt obliged once we were at the till I guess .
I've just text there cancelling saying I can't afford it as I have a few bills next week
Last week when we went for tea she didn't really eat anything ,saying she felt under the weather then I found out 10 mins before we met she had mcdonalds ( even tho she knew we were going for food ) let me waste my money and left it

OP posts:
NorksAreMessy · 11/07/2015 22:33

Oh dear. You are trying to buy a friend.
Please ask yourself why.

This woman is not a friend, she is a leech and a mooch.
You officially have MN permission to stop buying her anything at all. It is not obligatory.

petshopboy · 11/07/2015 23:26

shes using you
your lonely and vunrable
you dont need her in your life she is not a friend
x

Annarose2014 · 11/07/2015 23:34

Nobody on earth who trots up to the till with 46 quids worth of clothes and stands there whilst their friend pays, is unaware that they are using them.

Sorry.

SavoyCabbage · 11/07/2015 23:39

Suggest doing something that is free.

And go for a macdonalds yourself before you meet her!

circleskirt · 11/07/2015 23:50

The only reason I can think of for her behaviour is that she thinks you've inherited something from your mum.

She's not a friend, she's a user. Horrible behaviour, she should be looking after you. Flowers

DoesItReallyMatter · 11/07/2015 23:53

Sorry about your Mum Thanks

Why do you think you are paying for her all the time?

It sounds like you are buying her friendship and that she is happy to oblige. Confused. How are you with other friends? Do you like to be seen as the generous friend? Do people take advantage of you at work?

Viviennemary · 12/07/2015 00:01

She is a total scrounger and has no shame. Just drop her because nobody decent behaves like she does. You deserve better.

Cabrinha · 12/07/2015 00:36

I'm sorry about your mum Flowers

Your "friend" has a brass neck!
But you need to look at your behaviour too. It's really weird. One thing to always being the one getting the drinks in, but this is something else! You need to work out why you have allowed this to happen and continue.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 12/07/2015 00:40

I suspect that once you stop paying for everything every time you meet up she'll stop being your best friend. She'll move on to another mug to leach off. Try not being paymaster and see what happens.

"She doesn't work". Sounds like she doesn't need to!

Canyouforgiveher · 12/07/2015 00:46

She is not a friend and she is using you. So she is the kind of person you really don't want to be friends with.

Stop seeing her. Spend some time cultivating different friendships or interests. You will be better off without her.

Agree with others - what you described is kind of strange. Most of us wouldn't buy stuff in a shop for a friend or pay for a ticket. You might want to explore why you did this and work on saying no more - but it might be as simple as it just happened and you expected her to pay you back.

Sorry about your mum.

aeon456 · 12/07/2015 04:54

Vulnerable people are at high risk of exploitation and you will have been very emotionally vulnerable after your mother's death. The same thing happened to me. It's as if you are desperate to find someone to take away the emotional void so you latch heavily onto the nearest person and tolerate all kinds of unacceptable behaviour as you are clinging to them for dear life. As time goes on you will be able to put things into proportion and either disconnect or assert yourself better

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