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Original poster

needy husbands

47 replies

spottybottycream · 22/06/2015 20:19

Does anyone else have a needy clingy husband? If so, please can we talk about it because I am about to explode at mine and I don't know if I can bloody deal with it a moment longer! If I say anything he gets sulky and he is always TOUCHING me in some way or another. I have come upstairs early to bed to just get out of his way. No word of a lie I have actually been LAID on tonight, because I was watching the telly instead of fawning all over him.

He is really high maintenance emotionally at times and I just don't know what to do. :(

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/06/2015 20:22

what does he say when you tell him to back off ?

has he always been like this ?

Pinklaydee1302 · 22/06/2015 20:23

How come you married him? If you don't like his clinginess

pocketsaviour · 22/06/2015 20:27

Is this a recent development? Has it co-incided with major life changes e.g. losing a parent, new baby, work stress?

Original poster
spottybottycream · 22/06/2015 20:27

No he isn't always like this, not 24/7. I married him because I love him pink laydee. Most of the time I like cuddles ect but there are times where I just need my own space and he seems to take it as some sort of personal insult.

He suffers with depression which I think contributes to this behaviour but I just get so frustrated sometimes.

When I ask him to back off he will but kind of sulks and says 'well I was just stroking you' its like I'm a comfort blanket

OP posts:
Joysmum · 22/06/2015 20:30

Mine is ATM.

He's been very clingy since his dad died last year. He started on anti depressants in Jan and has been assessed and is awaiting his first bereavement counselling session.

All he would do is work and home, no outside interests. That changed in the past month and things are getting back to normal.

I'm a touchy feely person myself so love the physical contact and we've always been the same the crux came with the emotional dependency at a time when I've been struggling myself a bit and have been extra arguing myself from being mostly a SAHM and training for a career to return to employment with. He's needed me more, but I've needed me more too!

Things are coming back on line again and he's even agreeing to going away for a weekend to pursue his new interest...without us coming too.

Shewhomustobeyed · 22/06/2015 20:31

Yes - am in the same boat. It's driving me mad. Don't know why but it has become worse in the last month or so :-(

For some reason, he needs constant reassurance and wants to be together ALL the time.

His father was like this also but I didn't know this when I married him but I re-educated him ;-)

He was quite normal until recently so I am not sure what is the trigger for this clinginess - it's like having a toddler around!!!

Original poster
spottybottycream · 22/06/2015 20:31

Sahd pocket saviour so no 'work stress' in the conventional sense, except we do have a little terrible two's. Which I know is getting him down sometimes, but I do all I can to ease the burden, my fair share of housework and bedtimes ect.

OP posts:
Original poster
spottybottycream · 22/06/2015 20:33

I encourage him to get pit and meet other people but he doesn't want to.

OP posts:
alicemalice · 22/06/2015 20:34

My ex was like this. Always giving me the sad face and I was never quite doing enough.

It was one long guilt trip.

AnyFucker · 22/06/2015 20:38

is he seeking help for his mental health ?

personally, I cannot stand to be pawed and guilt tripped

Original poster
spottybottycream · 22/06/2015 20:39

I feel like I am expected to entertain him and cannot be alone with my own thoughts just browsing the internet or something. Its always 'what you dooooooin?' 'but that's booorrriinnnggg' 'talk to me' so I pit down the laptop and say 'What would you like to talk about?' And i get 'i don't know, just something more interesting than watching you play on the laptop' Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
spottybottycream · 22/06/2015 20:40

That's exactly how I feel anyfucker. Pawed at and guilty for relaxing ij my own home Angry No, he says he wont ever go back on antidepressants.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/06/2015 20:44

I would have very little patience with it then

He sounds like a 3yo. That's not attractive and will piss you off permanently if he doesn't rein it in.

I had a boyfriend once who was like this. He suffocated me, called me The Ice Queen because I didn't pander to his neediness and constant need for reassurance so he didn't last too long.

Original poster
spottybottycream · 22/06/2015 20:49

It does feel like iv got two bloody toddlers sometimes. Needing cuddles in the kitchen whilst I'm in the middle of fucking cooking or washing up

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/06/2015 20:59

tell him to pitch in with the cooking/washing up instead of pawing you

at what point do you think "needy" turns into "abusive" just out of interest ?

AnyFucker · 22/06/2015 20:59

is he jealous of the other toddler by any chance ?

Joysmum · 22/06/2015 21:03

Tbh if my dh wasn't taking responsibility for realising things weren't good enough and trying to address them, I'd not have put up with it. He's gone to the GP and sought counselling.

I love my DH but I have my own needs too and would not fall apart to appease his needs.

Original poster
spottybottycream · 22/06/2015 21:03

I don't know, I have wondered sometimes but I'm not sure, I'm free to come and go as I please he is just clingy. I don't think refusing to socialise with others beyond my family and friends helps him with his depression.
No, not jealous of our boy. At least I don't get that impression anyway. He adores him.

OP posts:
LaBette001 · 22/06/2015 23:24

Maybe he's bored out of his skull being at home with a toddler all day and looking for his spouse to engage with him rather than browse the internet when she gets home. Hmm

Original poster
spottybottycream · 23/06/2015 05:05

I'm not his entertainment la bette. I am allowed downtime too.

OP posts:
NoelHeadbands · 23/06/2015 05:51

I had an ex like this. With him, it was an attention thing, he couldn't bear it if he thought he didn't have my full attention when he felt he should.

I used to get 'tell me what you're thinking about' and sometimes he'd go quiet and sulk if he didn't like the answer (as in 'thinking about what to have for lunch' or 'what mom said earlier') so I'd end up lying to placate him

Towards the end I would be screaming inside, ffs can't I even have my bloody thoughts to myself!

Ugh.

firesidechat · 23/06/2015 07:18

I'm not excusing the extreme neediness here and I would hate to be laid on just to get my attention, but being the stay at home parent can be a bit lonely. I know that when I was at home all day with small children I would be desperate for my husband to come home and get some adult company. I had a good circle of friends too, so it's not as if I didn't see anyone, but it wasn't the same as going out to work. However it was conversation I longed for and not someone to constantly touch.

It may not be what you want op, but it may help you to understand why he does this.

kissmethere · 23/06/2015 11:13

Oh god no I couldn't stand it if dh was like this. You're not responsible for a grown mans entertainment. You're going to end up snapping I know i would. You'll have to make a boundary I'm afraid.

UncertainSmile · 23/06/2015 11:59

If he won't take responsibility for his illness and take medication to help, then it's incredibly unfair on you. Perhaps he needs to be told that refusing to take medication is a deal breaker?

YellowTulips · 23/06/2015 12:01

Next time he asks you to put the iPad down, tell him you are too busy researching his overly needy behaviour and remind him he lives in a home, not a petting zoo.

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