needy husbands

[spottybottycream]

Does anyone else have a needy clingy husband? If so, please can we talk about it because I am about to explode at mine and I don't know if I can bloody deal with it a moment longer! If I say anything he gets sulky and he is always TOUCHING me in some way or another. I have come upstairs early to bed to just get out of his way. No word of a lie I have actually been LAID on tonight, because I was watching the telly instead of fawning all over him.

He is really high maintenance emotionally at times and I just don't know what to do. :(

[Pinklaydee1302]

Sorry op I wasn't being rude with my post it just rings home but for me the guy I've only known 2 weeks! It's freaking me out n putting me off! Always gotta be touching me.Messaging constantly. Telling me he can't stop thinking about me. Annoying

[AnyFucker]

pink, for fucks sake you need to run a mile

if he is like this two weeks in it will only get worse

he sounds like a controlling psychopath

why do some women like this kind of OTT behaviour at the beginning

it's not a sign that he is besotted with you, it's a sign he wants to CONTROL you

[firesidechat]

I went out with someone very briefly in my late teens. He was all over me like a rash and very into public displays of affection. He also started talking about marriage within a couple of weeks. I dumped him pretty fast and he went on to get engaged to his next girlfriend in double quick time. I think she eventually saw sense and dumped him too. He was a very needy individual and could possibly have turned controlling. Who knows? I suppose I should be thankful that my instincts worked ok even then.

[Jan45]

It's actually incredibly selfish behaviour on their part, it's all about what they want, need, not attractive and extremely tiresome.

OP, you need to read him the riot act, personal space is not asking too much, if he's bored, he needs to fix that, not you.

[spottybottycream]

He took me to work tho morning and I kissed him goodby and made a big fuss over little boy like I usually do, he then watery puppy dog eyed me said 'heyyyyyyy' and actually wobble lipped! I rolled my eyes and said 'how old are you?' And he said old men like fuss from their wives too you know. But he now seems to have backed off a tiny bit. :/

[Heels99]

Sounds like a toddler. Why on earth do people make such major mistakes in choosing a life partner

[spottybottycream]

I just want to make it clear that I DO spend time talking to him, I don't ignore him one bit.
I understand he might be a bit lonely at home all day but he won't get out and meet others (beyond one toddler group a week at sure start)
Yes I'm out the house all day, but I'm WORKING not on a jolly out with my mates. I need my own space too. We have plenty of sex (thought he would like more) we talk and laugh together often.
I just don't understand why he needs to be in my headspace too all the time

[27inmyhead]

I was with a man like this once. He focused totally on me because he had nothing else in his life, no friends, no social life, no gym, no interests, nothing. Sounds like your man, op, just waiting for you to come home every day. I used to hate it.

[AnyFucker]

Christ almighty, he sounds deeply unsexy

[VandaLonely]

Oh spotty, that does sound very draining. I exactly get how you feel but, as you know, I don't have any answers, just questions and gripes of my own.

Will your dh go back to work when your ds goes to school? If so, he might regain some confidence then and have more going on in his life - and therefore need you less.

[trackrBird]

Good grief. This sounds grim. He lays on you? Wants a cuddle while you're cooking?? ...and whining to match....this would drive any adult up the wall.

He needs to give you some space, and meet some other adults. I would suggest a serious talk regarding the former: and perhaps some attempt to go out as a couple, and meet others as a couple. He needs to find his sealegs back in the adult world somehow, and from there he might branch out (I hope).

[spottybottycream]

Anyfucker. Yes it is. And he wonders sometimes why I'm not at all interested.

But he is not like this 24/7. We seem to run on a cycle. I am quite introverted and like my own company and when things feel like they are getting on top of me I retreat into my shell a bit to recharge and become quieter and avoid too much physical contact as this adds to my stress He gets worse then. But he knows all this, we have talked about it lots and I'm a bit sick of having to explain myself each and every time.

[spottybottycream]

I shouldn't have to justify why I don't want to hug each time. Or having him go 'ohhhhh' in a really babyish way.

He can be so grown up, independent and manly and that's sexy. I like that him. That's who I fell in love with in the first place, but if he wont help himself I don't know what to do.
The plan is for him to return to work. I broached this the other day and said that I wouldn't mind paying for a few days childcare each week if he wanted to return to work as he expressed that he was finding little boy difficult at the moment. But he said no.

[trackrBird]

If you've talked, and nothing's changed, he's not listening. And he's putting his needs above yours OP. That's not good :(

[BitOutOfPractice]

Just reading about him has made me itch with irritation OP

He really needs to tackle the depression doesn't he?

[DorisDazzler]

The lip wobble sounds horribly manipulative. I've experienced similar and I would shut this down very hard. This childlike behaviour will eventually kill any attraction. I would have a very clear conversation about this and tell him in no uncertain terms to stop.

My ex was like this . It drove me mad and I was very clear about it. I eventually realized he was not seeking affection. He was deliberately setting things up so I would reject him and he could play the victim. He acted like a toddler also , wanting cuddles and constant attention . Any rejection had him sulking and guilt tripping me . I don't miss it.

[AnyFucker]

I used to ignore the lip wobble when my 3yo did it

in a grown man ?

repulsive

[twilight81]

OP I could have written your post word for word myself... Even down to stopping me when I'm cooking... Or worse leaning over to kiss me when I have a mouth full of food at table grrrr. I don't know the answers but I literally feel myself wanting to explode when he does it.

[Loobyloo15]

Urgh this sounds like my hubby. He's always asking me if I love him. Always groping me in some way. Moans if I want to go out, saying don't you want to spend time with me. We have been together 8 years and have 2 small children so I now sadly don't have time or energy for all this. I wish he would just get on with things without needing my reassurance. Hes not been the best he has issues so I guess he's trying but I feel smothered

[spottybottycream]

He seems to have been better the last couple of days. I really don't get what sets him off like this.

[SolidGoldBrass]

I would have dumped after less than a week of it. It's impossible to feel any affection towards someone constantly mauling and slobbering over you, and it is a form of bullying. I used to lose patience with DS for this sort of behaviour (obviously you can't dump your child, but I would reach the point of sending him out of the room if he was in a particularly cling-and-whine-and-pester mood.) I would find it unbearable in an adult.

Try telling him his behaviour is starting to disgust you, and if he doesn't sort himself out you will leave him. You've done the talking reasonably and it hasn't worked. You are not a doggy chew toy, and it's perfectly all right to refuse to deal with this stomach-turning behaviour.

[popalot]

It feels squeamish and uncomfortable for you because it's not a nice way for him to behave towards you. It is a form of controlling behaviour made out to look like lavishing/needing affection.

You need to sit down and have a serious chat with him. The boy would be better off in nursery at least a couple of days a week socialising with other children and he needs to go back to work part time to socialise with other adults. He sounds a bit jealous of you going out to work with the lip wobble bs.

Time to be straight with him and tell him it's got to stop. If he carries on doing it then you know for sure he's making you feel shit on purpose. Actually, as you've already told him that, you know already he's making you feel shit on purpose.