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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband requested this....

71 replies

Kerry211 · 21/06/2015 04:57

Hey all,

Just wanted a bit of advice.

Weird one this, which has made me post on here for advice. In a nutshell, hubby and I are going on holiday to Tenerife next month. Situation is that we are going with another couple. Now then, other couple are my best friend. She is bit of an exhibitionist and struts about the beach in next to nothing.

The thing that's on my mind is that, I mentioned my friends relaxed behaviour towards beachwear to hubby...to be blunt she has massive boobs and isn't shy about showing them. Soooooo this is the crux of the matter, hubby wants me to do the same. And go topless as well, which means in front of my friends fella. I'm feeling quite nervous about it, I usually do sunbathe topless but never have in front of male friends before.

Is it normal for a guy to want his wife to be like it in front of male friends? And more importantly what shall I do?

Help!!!!!

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 21/06/2015 05:16

If you aren't comfortable, say no.

goddessofsmallthings · 21/06/2015 05:21

Is your dh looking to show you off or is he merely encouraging you to do what your friend does, and numerous other women do, when at the beach/by the pool?

In any event, simply do what you feel comfortable with and if you particularly don't want to go topless in front of your friend's fella keep your bikini top on, wear a onepiece swimsuit, or suggest to your dh that the pair of you slope off to another part of the beach where you won't feel so inihibited.

However, I'm not the best person to advise as I invariably go topless and usually try to find a secluded cove or nudist beach where I can swim and sunbathe starkers - to my mind there's nothing as liberating as being in the sea or lying in the sun with no clothes on. On the hand I can be quite prudish when it comes to stripping down to little more than a thong in front of strangers round a pool. Grin

goddessofsmallthings · 21/06/2015 05:27

Just to add that I don't have massive boobs and I'm not an exhibitionist, but I am happy in my own skin and don't have body issues.

EmzDisco · 21/06/2015 05:41

If he is just encouraging you to feel as comfortable as your friend then that is great. But if he is putting pressure on you, and it's not something you feel you want to do then you should say no. It really doesn't matter on boob size, just what you feel happy with. As per PP it can be very liberating - but not if you feel forced into it!

It can be particularly nice bobbing topless in the sea.

Word of warning, if you decide to whip the bikini top off make sure you suncream well - that sensitive skin may burn quite easily!

SwearyInn · 21/06/2015 06:09

You're husband is 100% unreasonable for asking you to do something you are not keen on doing. He is being a selfish prick even asking you to ask on here - in the hope that despite feeling uncomfortable, you are pressurised by some MN jury to do this (which you won't be)

Let your friend do what suits her, you do what suits you.

TheMoa · 21/06/2015 06:27

Is your husband planning to go without trunks? Seems only reasonable.

There's bound to be a nice naturist beach somewhere for him to show how fine he is about public nakedness.

FolkGirl · 21/06/2015 06:48

You do what you want to do and feel comfortable with, surely.

If you'd find it difficult to say "no" to a request like this, that's a little worrying.

I imagine that most conversations would go.

"Are you going to go topless on the beach?"

"No"

"Ok"

Chuckitinthefuckitbucket · 21/06/2015 07:03

Why would he ask you to go topless? I mean, if you wanted to and just chose to fine but asking you to?
Hmm
"My women is just as sexy cool as yours"? Or something??

cailindana · 21/06/2015 07:06

Why would you even consider this? It's entirely up to you if you want to go topless. If anyone said to me they wanted me to go topless I don't think I'd even answer them, I'd just think they were nuts to believe I cared what they wanted when it comes to my boobs. Tell your DH to fuck off.

Mehitabel6 · 21/06/2015 07:15

I wouldn't even consider it. No need to discuss it just wear what you are are comfortable with.

Joysmum · 21/06/2015 07:36

What do you mean, he 'wants' you to do the same?

I think there's a world of difference between supporting your choices and wishing you were more confident to 'wanting' you to do something for his own gratification.

Sickoffrozen · 21/06/2015 07:54

Going topless is actually a bit last season nowadays anyway. I've just been away and there wasn't one person topless around the pool. If you are not comfortable with it then don't do it. However, if you are then go with it. Years ago when it was more popular, we went way with two other couples and all the women were topless. As far as I could tell, the fellas were not sitting there with their tongues hanging out.

Athenaviolet · 21/06/2015 07:57

Your dh shouldn't be pushing you into doing something that's making you feel nervous.

Mehitabel6 · 21/06/2015 07:59

I wear a one piece swimsuit so it wouldn't be an option anyway.
You wear whatever you want.

Ouchbloodyouch · 21/06/2015 08:03

sick I've noticed that too. You don't see anyone topless these days.

DustBunnyFarmer · 21/06/2015 08:03

Insist your husband wears the smallest, briefest budgie smugglers you can find, maybe even a Borat thong. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Isetan · 21/06/2015 09:15

Op your comfort level is yours to judge and not for your H or us to decide. You know what your answer is, which begs the question, why haven't you given it?

Purpleboa · 21/06/2015 09:22

Ooh that's a bit weird/creepy. I would not be happy with it at all. It's your decision, your body. End of.

Purpleboa · 21/06/2015 09:23

By happy with it I don't necessarily mean the topless part - I did that of my own accord sometimes - but the insistence you do it and post on here.

SassyPasty · 21/06/2015 09:42

Weird one this, which has made me post on here for advice.

OP doesn't say he made her post at all Confused

CaptainAnkles · 21/06/2015 09:44

Does he usually try to control what you wear? I think it's fairly unpleasant for him to request that you do this. Do it if you feel happy and you want to, not because he has 'requested' it.

OttiliaVonBCup · 21/06/2015 09:47

What's the size of her breasts to do with it?

'Massive' or not. It's not a nice way of describing them though.

If not comfortable with something then don't do it.

LikeASoulWithoutAMind · 21/06/2015 09:50

Do whatever you're comfortable with OP. you shouldn't feel pressured by anyone else - it's your body.

I agree by the way that topless sunbathing is much less usual now. Perhaps because people are more aware of sun damage?

ShipShapeAhoy · 21/06/2015 09:54

If you don't want to go topless than don't. He's your husband not your owner.

Hissy · 21/06/2015 10:06

Exactly how did he phrase this request? Can you say so we can judge tone etc better?

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