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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Husband requested this....

71 replies

Kerry211 · 21/06/2015 04:57

Hey all,

Just wanted a bit of advice.

Weird one this, which has made me post on here for advice. In a nutshell, hubby and I are going on holiday to Tenerife next month. Situation is that we are going with another couple. Now then, other couple are my best friend. She is bit of an exhibitionist and struts about the beach in next to nothing.

The thing that's on my mind is that, I mentioned my friends relaxed behaviour towards beachwear to hubby...to be blunt she has massive boobs and isn't shy about showing them. Soooooo this is the crux of the matter, hubby wants me to do the same. And go topless as well, which means in front of my friends fella. I'm feeling quite nervous about it, I usually do sunbathe topless but never have in front of male friends before.

Is it normal for a guy to want his wife to be like it in front of male friends? And more importantly what shall I do?

Help!!!!!

OP posts:

Sallyingforth · 21/06/2015 10:07

Well as a nudist myself I wouldn't be comfortable with bits of cloth tied around my body while swimming or sunbathing. It just wouldn't be comfortable. I would urge anyone to get past that initial awkwardness and realise how wonderful that feeling of complete freedom can be. Please try it!
BUT it has to be your own decision, and if you are not able to strip off then no-one should be trying to persuade you. Not even your DH or your best friend.
Enjoy your holiday!

Sallyingforth · 21/06/2015 10:16

Forgot to say: don't forget the SPF50!

weekendninja · 21/06/2015 12:19

We need a bit more here op. How exactly did the conversation go?

If your dh said "I want you to go topless" then of course that is unreasonable. If he said "why don't you go topless" then I think it's perfectly fine.

I must add that I don't think going topless necessarily makes you an exhibitionist.

popalot · 21/06/2015 12:22

Nothing to do with him if you do or don't, I would say. Your call and noone should pressure you into it.

HarrietSchulenberg · 21/06/2015 12:39

MN is starting to read like the problem page in Jackie C.1985.
"Guy", "fella", should-I-go-topless-on-holiday problem?

goddessofsmallthings · 21/06/2015 12:41

On the basis that I can swim in chlorine anytime in the UK and choose not to, I avoid hotel pools abroad like the plague and, out of courtesy to the staff, would never go topless in such an environment.

As ninja has said, going topless does not an exhibitionist make, but every beach has its share of bethonged males and females who strut their stuff in an overt manner or who are unusually loud while playing volleyball or bat and ball games.

Unfortunately, the declining popularity of sunbathing and use of high factor sun creams has led to a rise in vitamin D deficiency in those who live in northern climes and countries such as Germany dispense free vit d tablets to its residents.

XiCi · 21/06/2015 13:26

Didn't think anyone went topless anymore. I go away a few times a year and haven't seen anyone topless for a long time.

Just do what you want to do. Why would you let anyone bully you into doing something you don't want to do. You're a grown woman, make you're own decisions about your own body and what you show of it to people. Is he the type of wanker who would tell you what to wear as well?

BaronessBomburst · 21/06/2015 13:31

You joined Mumsnet at 5 in the morning to ask for help on this issue. I can tell it's really troubling you.

Kundry · 21/06/2015 13:38

So many questions: is your friend really exhibitionist or is she just happy in her own skin?

Are you happy in your own skin? WOuld you not wear a bikini because a) you just don't like them b) you prefer more modest swinwear or c) you are uncomfortable with how you look in one?

Has your husband really asked you to parade around boobs falling out to look sexually attractive to another male? Or does he just think you look good in a bikini/topless and wishes you could see it too? Or has a more relaxed approach to beachwear?

Your husband could be a total arse or he could be lovely and trying to make you feel good about yourself - I can't tell from your posting.

Oh and in some cultures this would be a total non-issue - in Germany everyone wanders around naked in the swimming bath changing rooms, spas and saunas and you would be thought quite weird if you had issues about it or covered up.

Purpleboa · 21/06/2015 16:01

Oops sorry I misread that and thought her DH had suggested she post on here! Sorry, was reading it in a sleepy state...

Fearless91 · 21/06/2015 16:21

I think most men would love their partners to walk around half naked which is probably why he suggested it.

You either want to or you don't.

I don't see the big deal??

BreadmakerFan · 21/06/2015 17:11

Ask him why he wants you to be practically naked in public.

Botanicbaby · 21/06/2015 17:15

"hubby wants me to do the same" "I'm feeling quite nervous about it"

I'd tell him to go fuck himself quite frankly.

Agree with pp, topless sunbathing is passé anyway.

BIWI · 21/06/2015 18:23

AuntyMag10 · 21/06/2015 18:29

I would feel very disrespected if my dh asked me to do this which he won't anyway. Sounds like your dh is slowly testing you to try other things on this trip.

beaglesaresweet · 21/06/2015 18:34

of course they stil go topless - just been to Spain and plenty of Germans/Spanish were topless. Not the British that I've noticed but there weren;t many - I personally don't and would never do it in front of makle friends or relatives, only possibly with a BF/H if the beach isn't crowded. So Op, do what you'd normally do without his 'wishes'! It's totally reasonable to be uncomfortable when with people you know socially - unless you all do it regularly and like it.

meyesmyeyes · 21/06/2015 18:37

Hmm
He only suggested you go topless after you told him that the female friend would be going topless and that she is very big of boobage.

Reading between the lines, I would say that he is looking forward to the female friend being topless and is worried he won't be able to take his eyes off her - and thinks that if he can get you to go topless as well, then you won't be giving him the evil eye every few minutes. he can stare in peace

Just trying to delve into the male brain and work out what's going through his mind

I bet he will wear mirrored sunglasses. Clever move, as you won't be able to tell whether he's checking out your boobs out or hers.

AnyFucker · 21/06/2015 18:48

I agree with the op that this is a bit of a weird one

Senada · 21/06/2015 19:10

Cynical old me thinks that this is yet another of the "hot wife" and cuckold themed threads we've had lately.
One was posted yesterday, got very little response wank material in the replies.
Let's see when if OP comes back.

MiniTheMinx · 21/06/2015 19:16

If he wants to show off a body, let him show off his own.

sophieriley · 21/06/2015 20:10

It is completely normal. Every husband asks this, or wants to.

AnyFucker · 21/06/2015 20:47

really, sophie ?

every husband ?

how do you know this ?

BreadmakerFan · 21/06/2015 20:54

Nope, sophieriley. You're talking bollocks.

Kundry · 21/06/2015 21:06

Nope my husband wouldn't. I'm not into sunbathing at all but wouldn't have a problem being topless, despite the fact I'm fat and no oil painting. However DH would hate it.

OttiliaVonBCup · 21/06/2015 21:09

Massive books - yep, H would love it. Not that I'm asking.
Massive arse, less so.

Hmm...
Tough.

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