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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Tempted

39 replies

Lozfc · 13/06/2015 22:52

Ok now this is my first post so hopefully you'll go easy on me :)

I am 22 years old and I'm in a relationship with a guy which I've been in for 2 years. He is a nice guy and completely different from the guys I've been with previously. I mean that in the terms of I could never see him cheating or playing away because he's not really that kind of person.

He has a good job and I think he'd be a decent father.

The negatives of him are and I am being really honest here and I know it makes me sound shallow are he isn't particularly good looking, his body isn't great and sexually he isn't very good.

Now I've met another guy recently who kinda ticks those boxes but is definitely not boyfriend material as he's a player. We flirt quite regularly and are probably not far away from coming to a crunch point.

My questions are, do I perservere with my bf? Do I stop seeing Dan? Do i break it off with my bf?

I know this sounds shallow but it's hard to paint the full picture here.

OP posts:

magoria · 13/06/2015 22:56

I would let you bf go so he can find someone who doesn't flirt and get to the stage where they are considering dumping him for a player.

toomuchtooold · 13/06/2015 23:01

At 22 I'd say you were a bit young to be settling for someone on the basis that he would make a good dad, although you don't really fancy him. At 22 you could ditch your BF, take up with Mr Player, have some fun there and still have plenty of time to find the big love. When do you hope to have kids? I'd have thought you still have years yet.

Original poster

Lozfc · 13/06/2015 23:12

I don't have any particular plans. I feel at a bit of a crossroads though as I don't know if there are lots of great guys out there. All my ex's were selfish

OP posts:

7amliein · 13/06/2015 23:27

Go get humped by the bad boy.
When you're 45 and sagging don't complain if your partner at the time dumps you for a younger model.

upthehillanddown · 13/06/2015 23:28

Whatever you decide, make sure youre off with old before youre on with the new.

travertine · 13/06/2015 23:31

You should never have to 'persevere' with the person you want to be with so you should probably end that really.

Original poster

Lozfc · 13/06/2015 23:31

That's the thing really, I totally know it's wrong and so hypocritical but I want my cake and eat it if I'm honest

OP posts:

Original poster

Lozfc · 13/06/2015 23:33

I know it's wrong and so hypocritical but I want my cake and eat it. I know it's not worth throwing something away for an afternoon of sex, it just plays on my mind more though

OP posts:

cerealqueen · 13/06/2015 23:34

You are 22.....stay single but have some fun, is my advice. No need to have a boyfriend to do that.

newnamesamegame · 13/06/2015 23:41

It isn't wrong and hypocritical to decide you're no longer getting what you need from your partner, its wrong and hypocritical to stay with him and have "an afternoon of sex". Or several afternoons of sex.

It's quite clear that you are no longer attracted to your current partner. Cut your losses and do the honest thing and split up with him. Whether or not you decide to s* this player is really by the by. No harm in your doing so if you're single and as long as you don't get hurt by him. But don't string your partner along and get off with someone else on the side. Its not fair on him and it will make you unhappy.

Jackw · 13/06/2015 23:43

Neither of these men are right for you.

There are men out there who are good guys who you will find sexually attractive. Sometimes, you find them attractive because they are good guys but this obviously isn't the case with your current boyfriend.

It's not really fair to him to string him along and stop him finding someone who will love him properly. Be brave and finish this. But give the player a swerve. You can do better.

travertine · 13/06/2015 23:46

End it, he's not the man for you. Don't be looking at potentially good fathers that don't float your boat at 22.

Original poster

Lozfc · 13/06/2015 23:50

Yeah I think the consensus is to finish with my bf. I'll have to think

OP posts:

handfulofcottonbuds · 13/06/2015 23:59

Don't hurt your bf - that is all. No more to think about.

Original poster

Lozfc · 14/06/2015 00:00

Yes, the last thing I'd wanna do is that

OP posts:

Iwasbornin1993 · 14/06/2015 00:06

I'm the same age as you and have been with my OH (who I'm marrying next year) since I was 15. So you aren't necessarily too young to be looking to the future. But from the way you talk about your BF it doesn't sound at all like you want that future to be with him. Be kind to him (and yourself) and end it regardless or whether or not you decide to take things further with the player.

Iwasbornin1993 · 14/06/2015 00:07

Regardless of*

Original poster

Lozfc · 14/06/2015 00:10

It's not that I don't want to be with him, I like him. It's just I think is that it forever? The sex is tame as well and I see this other guy who is so cute it's unreal, has a body to die for and my heads just turned

OP posts:

glitteryflange · 14/06/2015 00:17

Do your boyfriend a favour and finish with him so he can find someone less shallow who will love him for him.

Finola1step · 14/06/2015 00:19

You like your bf. You used the word like, not love. After 2 years. That's all you need to know.

Finish with him ASAP. Let him move on. Enjoy being single.

travertine · 14/06/2015 00:19

Stop asking for permission to sleep with the other guy because you're not going to get it. Sorry to be blunt.

Finola1step · 14/06/2015 00:20

Oh and for what it's worth, it is alright to end a relationship because you are not attracted to that person anymore. It doesn't make you shallow.

travertine · 14/06/2015 00:23

Well unless you finish with your boyfriend and then you can do what you like. It just seems like not are waiting for one poster to say yeah go for it and then it justifies it. My opinion of course.

travertine · 14/06/2015 00:24

*You

Original poster

Lozfc · 14/06/2015 00:26

I'm not travertine, I pride myself that I've never cheated on anyone and like I say for an afternoon of fun I am unlikely to change that.
It's just the thoughts I've put down and I guess I feel guilty for having them.

OP posts:

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