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Relationships

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Original poster

When did you realise you had met the right one?

32 replies

wingsflyby · 11/06/2015 12:36

Does it feel differently? I am seeing a new guy and he is lovely, but after a few failed relationships, I wonder if it's just another one that will go wrong.

OP posts:

FredaMayor · 11/06/2015 14:57

Because your relationship's new, you don't know, really only time will tell.
But IMHO it's better to hope for the best rather than fear the worst.

One piece of advice though - audit your relationship often, by that I mean
don't let things slide and suffer in silence if you think something's wrong.
Life gives no prizes for that.

chelle792 · 11/06/2015 15:19

I recently announced to a friend that me and OH were getting married. He said to me "I know, you told me the first week you met him that you had just met the man you were going to marry."

I think sometimes you just know.

I second the advice of fredaMayor, even if he is the one, it's still worth checking in

Higgle · 11/06/2015 15:29

I met him on a sailing holiday, I realised he was "the one" within 20 minutes. Still together 32 years later, married 31 years. I was 27 at the time and a solicitor, so not a young ingenue. I think we believed in romance a bit more in those days and didn't over analyse everything that happened.

Handywoman · 11/06/2015 15:49

Mmmmm.......Met 'the one' aged 27, fell in love immediately, twelve 14yrs and 2dc later he turned out to be an EA contemptuous arsehole. Am in the process of divorcing that one!

By contrast, been with my new man 10months now. It's been a gradual falling-for. I've simply not been 'able' to fall head over heels - been too hurt to do that again.

I no longer believe you necessarily 'just know'.

I believe now you find out gradually and see how things pan out or maybe my experience just made me very cynical

Pensfriends · 11/06/2015 16:54

I knew immediately on our first date. I text my mum to tell her that I'd met her son in law. A year later we married. We've been married two years now and I still feel exactly the same, although I know that's not long. I could have just been very lucky though.

Lilypad15 · 11/06/2015 17:19

I'm not sure really. As soon as I started dating my partner (I knew him vaguely through mutual friends beforehand) I genuinely thought he was the one. I'd never felt that way about anyone ever, it was a weird (but great) feeling and I honestly could see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

All up until recently, when he's changed dramatically and I am doubtful that it will last until the end of the week. I think some people are just lucky and some of us have to go through that feeling many times before we end up with the right one.

maras2 · 11/06/2015 18:13

The minute I met him 47 years ago.We were very young but we just knew.We celebrate our 40th anniversary next week.

teatrailer · 11/06/2015 18:20

maras we are of an age when life was much simpler I think.

1st date 49 years ago. 45 years married.

Vivacia · 11/06/2015 18:28

I don't think I do know, let alone ever did. I don't think I believe in such a thing and that's 13 years ago now. I do know that every night I go to bed thinking I'm glad I'm with him, that I respect him, that he's made me laugh today. I think that's enough for me.

MadeMan · 11/06/2015 18:31

"we are of an age when life was much simpler I think."

I've seen interviews with couples who have been married for donkey's years and in their 90's where they both basically say, "She was the most beautiful girl at the dance/this handsome man asked me to dance" type of thing and that was the main reasons for them both getting married.

Nowadays people go on about needing sexual compatibility, common interests, similar outlook on life, good finances, etc, etc; so yes, much simpler times back then.

maras2 · 11/06/2015 18:36

Congratulations teatrailer I think that your right.We still behave like teenagers though and embarrass the grandkids (used to be the kids)

Annarose2014 · 11/06/2015 18:39

When I realised it couldn't feel any easier.

teatrailer · 11/06/2015 18:55

MadeMan I was the girl who was asked to dance by the handsome young man, but we're in our 60's not 90's.

My biggest sadness is that my children's lives have not been as happy as I would have wished for them, life is just so complicated now.

maras

whothehellknows · 11/06/2015 19:44

I'm another who believed she had found "the one" right up until he screamed and ranted about how useless I was while I was in labour with our second child.

Now I just don't know.

teatrailer · 11/06/2015 19:48

who That's awful, was he not like this with the first one? What's changed?

daisydalrymple · 11/06/2015 20:04

Higgle, teatrailer and maras thank you for your posts, you've made me think there is still a future for me and dh together. Your posts are lovely.
(Sorry to hijack thread slightly op!)

For me, it was the moment I realised I was walking around without make up and it didn't bother me - I suffered bad skin in my teens and had always been very self conscious about it as a result and felt nobody would find me attractive without covering it up, dh didn't even notice 3 dc and an elderly parent with advanced dementia later and we've lost 'us' a bit I think.

teatrailer · 11/06/2015 20:54

daisy "Sometimes looking in the same direction is more important than looking at each other", an old saying, but true.

I think that in long marriages you fall in love many times for many reasons with the same person. Sounds like it's time for you to reconnect again and make a little bit of time for yourselves, like putting on your own oxygen masks before helping others. Be just a little bit selfish.

KatieScarlettreregged · 11/06/2015 21:13

I fell in love again with mine tonight when he was so happy to see me (was only gone 3 hrs) when I got in. He then served me dinner and brought me chocolate. I get the feelings at least once a week.
I was one of the ones that just knew. Thank goodness he didn't turn out to be a knob. Yet
It's been over 20 years but I'm still taking nothing for granted.

wannaBe · 11/06/2015 21:29

I think it's possible that what is "the right one," when you're younger might not stay the right one as life changes us as individuals and therefore in our relationships.

I too met my xh on a sailing holiday, and he was right for me at the time. We're divorced now so obviously it didn't stay that way.

With my dp it just is right, and I don't see me being with anyone else (we got engaged nearly four weeks ago), even though we have some logistical hurdles to overcome before we can live together.

I agree that life was simpler many years ago, but that being said I also know many couples who in their 70's/80's bickered and argued constantly and essentially hated each other but leaving a marriage was less acceptable back then. I remember when I split from xh my mum saying that people just don't stay together any more, and I sighted my own grandparents and xh's whose grandfather was so controlling that when he died his nan had no concept of living on her own, managing money etc and had a breakdown. and my mum said "but at least they stayed together."

something2say · 11/06/2015 21:31

Mines currently in the fridge, bringing me fresh strawberries and chocolate!

MadeMan · 11/06/2015 21:59

"bringing me fresh strawberries"

Oh yes, 'tis the season now. I'll have to get some for weekend.

MsPepsi · 11/06/2015 22:12

My longest relationship which resulted in marriage was a slow burner which started as a friendship with a guy you used to work with. It took me a long time to think he was the one. We divorced.

I met someone six months later. Fell head over heels and thought I'd finally experienced my fairytale ending. Thought he was the one. Many months later it ended. It hurt me once than my ex!

I'm currently dating someone and it seems to be growing a lot a slower. I'm four months in!

daisydalrymple · 11/06/2015 22:13

Thanks teatrailer xx

Ouchbloodyouch · 12/06/2015 09:00

I'm watching with interest
I am such a cynic these days that I can't relax and enjoy my new one. Im just waiting and looking for it to fuck up even though its the first relationship ever not to have a red flag thrown at me by this stage. When will I 'know' ? gosh some of you have had terrible experiences YEARS in. I don't think you know.

Ouchbloodyouch · 12/06/2015 09:00

Italics fail

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