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Original poster

If your boyfriend called someone a 'window licker'...

52 replies

Ashamed234567 · 27/05/2015 17:48

....would you break up with them immediately? Or just tell them how offensive it is? This is something my ex did, talking about someone else to his friends, and I didn't, and I'm so angry with myself now as it was a massive clue to his character and I used to work with people with disabilities...so it's disgusting that I didn't even say anything when I overheard him use this term. Please don't have a go at me for this as I'm kicking myself enough.

But if you heard the same - would you dump straight away?

OP posts:
TheGirlFromIpanema · 27/05/2015 17:50

Well I dumped someone for calling another woman a bitch, so yes, I probably would.

magoria · 27/05/2015 17:51

I have never heard the term and don't know what it means.

Original poster
Ashamed234567 · 27/05/2015 17:52

Thank you. I know it sounds like a weird question since we've already broken up yesterday, but I'm trying to figure out how crappy my boundaries really are.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ashamed234567 · 27/05/2015 17:52

It's an offensive term for people with disabilities. Quite old fashioned now. He also used the term retard and I did verbally object to this.

OP posts:
peggyundercrackers · 27/05/2015 17:54

erm... nope I wouldn't dump. I cant get precious over name calling...

WayneRooneysHair · 27/05/2015 17:54

No and I'm physically disabled but I'm hardly what you'd call 'PC'. E.g. myself and my disabled athletics team-mates (think Team GB) were discussing a reunion and I said I'd hire a sunshine bus, everyone wet themselves laughing. I'm not saying what your ex said is right but it's difficult.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2015 17:54

window licker

I would lose a lot of respect for a person who used a term like that. Does he understand the connotations ? There might be mitigation in that (if he never did it again). I once referred to someone as a "bint" without realising the background. What I did do though was apologise unreservedly for being such an uneducated twat.

RedandYellow24 · 27/05/2015 17:55

It certainly shows lack of respect for others. As a one off probable not dump if they are unaware but certainly would make me feel uneasy or not de the offense.
Magoria- its referring to children/adults with special needs who often taking around in mini buses (well at least back in the day) who when stare out of windows with their facial expressions especially say with Down syndrome where already have different facial characteristics -larger tongues for example that they are licking the window.

fortunately · 27/05/2015 17:58

Yes I think I would have. I find it personally offensive.

My exh told an offensive disablist joke in my presence. I already knew he was a cunt by then although it was a few months before we split.

Theoldcauliflower · 27/05/2015 18:00

My daughter is disabled and I find it quite disgusting, I hope it doesn't come back to bite him in the arse one day!
Awful thing to say!

surereadyforchange · 27/05/2015 18:02

I dumped a friend for this, but it was the last straw, she did other things along the same line including talking about the 'special bus' and using words like spacky and 'flid' (thalidomide) - she was racist about the children at a 6yo's birthday party playing pass the parcel...
So in short i would be annoyed if comment made in isolation and definitely dump if it was a pattern.
I could never find a guy who talks about people like that attractive.
Sounds like you made the right choice! Flowers

Original poster
Ashamed234567 · 27/05/2015 18:04

Thanks. I didn't actually break up with him for this though and it was more him that instigated the break up which is now I'm now feeling ashamed and uneasy about my lack of boundaries.

OP posts:
geekymommy · 27/05/2015 18:05

I'd never heard the term window licker before. The image that came to mind when I saw it in this thread was my toddler. She does lick windows and mirrors if allowed to do so.

madwomanbackintheattic · 27/05/2015 18:05

Wayne, reclaiming language works for members of the group referred to, but how would you have reacted to the ex bf's derogatory use of the word to describe yourself and your team mates? (Once knew a girl who had 'raspberry ripple' painted on to her wc, a la rhyming slang.) I know how you would react, because you are clearly a group with a strong self-identity and the wherewithal to have the confidence to shrug it off or deflect it. A lot of adults and children don't have that chutzpah and are more vulnerable for all sorts of reasons.

As a parent of a wc user, I'm not sure I could take the chance of breeding with someone who tosses 'window licker' and 'retard' around.

Original poster
Ashamed234567 · 27/05/2015 18:10

Yes, I guess although it made me uneasy, part of my thinking was that maybe he didn't realise the true meaning of it and how offensive it was. And I couldn't really call him out on it in front of all his friends. I did challenge him on retard.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ashamed234567 · 27/05/2015 18:10

That's an excellent point madwoman.

OP posts:
WayneRooneysHair · 27/05/2015 18:11

madwomanbackintheattic if anyone other than people I know call me anything offensive and they are not joking then all hell breaks loose, I'm not stupid so I only call my mate a crip etc if I know their sense of humour, otherwise I don't as I have no intention of offending anyone.

Pagwatch · 27/05/2015 18:12

I'd think he was a wanker and break up with him, yes.
Totally.

Anyone who uses disabilities as an insult is a low life.m

JAPAB · 27/05/2015 18:16

I am not familiar enough with the term for my offence barometer to know exactly how offensive the word is.

I know I wouldn't be impressed if I heard someone attempt to convey how stupid they thought someone was by referring to them as a spastic or a retard, and I am guessing this is of a similar ilk.

Or maybe I have misunderstood and it actually was being used to refer to a person with special needs? That would definitely be a no no.

Not sure it would be an instant break-up but I would talk to them about it afterwards.

Would like to say I would speak up at the time but to be honest, I am not that confrontational or scene-making a person, in group situations.

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 27/05/2015 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 27/05/2015 18:33

I'd not only dump him but I'd also report him for hate crime.
He is a disgrace. HeAven forbid but imagine you had a disabled child with this specimen,
He is a disgrace.

pocketsaviour · 27/05/2015 18:35

I'm glad I've learned what this means because I thought it meant Peeping Tom. (as in... someone who would stand outside a window, drooling with lust and fapping.) Confused Now I'm really hoping I haven't ever used it in an offensive context.

Fleecyleesy · 27/05/2015 18:37

I thought window licker was french or German (no idea which!) and meant something non offensive.

Leche or lesch vitrine???

Can't remember but had no idea offensive.

Fleecyleesy · 27/05/2015 18:38

French for window shopping.

AwfulBeryl · 27/05/2015 18:52

It is offensive - yes. I don't think I would dump someone for this alone though. IME people can use terms that are offensive with out giving any thought to the history or meaning of the word, it's something you grow up with and it just seems normal.

I didn't really think that much about the term "Japs eye" until I saw a thread on here about it. Until then I had heard it being used and used it myself without giving it any thought, tbh I thought it was one word Blush. I just didn't see the negative associations.

Unless you challenge some one they can't challenge themselves, that said some people don't want to change and don't care if they offend people.