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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your boyfriend called someone a 'window licker'...

52 replies

Ashamed234567 · 27/05/2015 17:48

....would you break up with them immediately? Or just tell them how offensive it is? This is something my ex did, talking about someone else to his friends, and I didn't, and I'm so angry with myself now as it was a massive clue to his character and I used to work with people with disabilities...so it's disgusting that I didn't even say anything when I overheard him use this term. Please don't have a go at me for this as I'm kicking myself enough.

But if you heard the same - would you dump straight away?

OP posts:
SelfLoathing · 27/05/2015 18:58

I don't think it's a question that other people's answers will help you with as it entirely something that hinges on your perspective and that's all that matters

Eg. If Ms X were really racist, and her bf made racist comments that many others would find offensive, her friends telling her to break up with him because they would is irrelevant to her because she doesn't care.

Same principle applies the other way. It doesn't matter whether other people would or wouldn't - it depends entirely on how offensive you find it and if a person who holds those views is someone that you can tolerate.

A Friend of mine dumped a vegan because she found his views and life outlook intolerable and his attitude to meat eaters offensive.

onthebrinkithink · 27/05/2015 19:06

I think it depends on the context in which he meant it. To me and my circle of friends, a window licker is someone who is so off their face on drugs that they can't stop gurning and it's meant in a light-hearted slightly derisive way, taken from electronic music artist Aphex Twin's track Window Licker.

I can honestly say that I've never heard this term used as an insult towards disabled people before I read this thread.

Branleuse · 27/05/2015 19:14

no i wouldn't dump for that unless they were a shit in other ways too

S0mmer · 27/05/2015 19:18

thought it meant you couldn't afford to buy the things you want.

BeCool · 27/05/2015 19:31

I couldn't fancy anyone who was nasty or disparaging about other peoples differences or qualities.

Reeks of arsehole to me. At best a very poor "sense of humour". And we all know how important a GSOH is in a relationship.

BeCool · 27/05/2015 19:33

I've never heard the term either

Original poster
Ashamed234567 · 27/05/2015 20:27

Helpful responses, I now feel even happier about the fact we've broken up, but also less ashamed about not dumping straight away for this. Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
DixieNormas · 27/05/2015 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2015 20:36

don't feel ashamed

he is the arsehole, not you

onward and upward Thanks

SoleSource · 27/05/2015 21:04

My Father delighted in telling me that his work colleagues call people from around the Bristol area where they work 'window kickers'. I'd never heard of the term before but to me it meant someone with disabilities He looked straight into my eyes as e said thinking I might know what it meant and looking for hurt in my eyes. He never, ever looked at me that much so I knew and felt he was meaning for me to be hurt as my DS is severely disabled. What is wrong with people like that? NC ten years now.

SoleSource · 27/05/2015 21:06

*lickers obviously, autocorrect!!

KnitFastDieWarm · 27/05/2015 21:18

As my gay flatmate used to say 'only the freaks get to call themselves freaks' Grin

I have depression and I refer to myself as one of 'the mentals' (a la David Brent) quite a lot, but I'd be upset if a stranger said that. Why? Because when I say it, it's just a light hearted description of some aspects of who I am. but when a stranger uses it as an insult, they're making a value judgement about me based on just some aspects of who I am. And that hurts.

Pagwatch · 27/05/2015 22:01

I'm sorry your dad was such a twat SoleSource. That was astonishingly hurtful of him.

I still think this stuff makes a good cunt-o-meter. You can tell a lot about a person from how swift they are to show contempt to anyone they hope is beneath them.
Some people really do set the bar low.

KnitFastDieWarm · 27/05/2015 22:05

You can tell a lot about a person from how swift they are to show contempt to anyone they hope is beneath them.

This right here is the most useful life lesson my dad ever taught me - that one of the best ways to judge a person's true character is how they relate to people they have no vested interest in treating well. It's always stuck with me.

Atenco · 27/05/2015 22:06

Definitely a reason to dump. Apart from the mortification of having a partner who speaks like that, I reckon that while you are getting to know someone, observe how they treat other people and you can get an idea of how they will treat you when the shine wears off.

UterusUterusGhali · 27/05/2015 22:16

My exh used this. Vile phrase.
His new woman had a disabled sibling though so I doubt he does any more.

AF what's the deal with bint?
I've tried googling. Confused

AnyFucker · 28/05/2015 06:42

bint

I thought it was a lighthearted term Smile

thewomaninwhitefluffybunnyears · 28/05/2015 06:50

Thanks for the education re bint, I had no idea! And yes, I would find the term you mention op hugely offensive. As someone else has said, you did not say it so please don't feel ashamed at all.

Flywheel · 28/05/2015 07:07

Unfortunately casual disablism is still pretty common, and I don't think all people using these terms are necessarily nasty, just ignorant. I work with a lot of young people and have often been shocked when seemingly decent folk use words like spa and retarded. I always call them on it and explain why it's so offensive. Most of them have just never thought it through and are mortified. Their reaction speaks volumes.

WottaMess · 28/05/2015 07:29

This wiktionary rings truer for me re: bint. But I have a lot of family in the Midlands...

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 28/05/2015 07:52

Cuntometer has been stored away for future use. Grin Thank you Pagwatch.

I didn't realise that bint was anything other than a slang word like bird.

Pagwatch · 28/05/2015 09:01

You are welcome Grin

It was my eldest son who taught me that idea (not the name).
I asked him how his friends reacted when they came here and saw his brother. He explained how he used it to weed the wankers out Grin

GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 28/05/2015 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker · 28/05/2015 09:18

Not just me then Smile

SecondMrsAshwell · 28/05/2015 12:34

Goodness, you learn something new every day.

I have never heard of that term (just as I hadn't heard of slope a la Top Gear). I immediately thought of myself in an early job. My office overlooked part of the route the Household Cavalry took to the Palace and there was a certain amount of drooling at the window .... but my colleagues referred to me as Garfield; those Garfield toys with suckers on the paws to stick on the inside of a car window were all the rage at the time.

But yes, it is one for the c*-o-meter. And pretty high up as well.