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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Rant about my selfish bastard p

31 replies

midlifehope · 10/05/2015 09:58

I've come down with the Lurgie. Headache aches cold and sore throat. After buggering off all day yesterday to paint his boat taking my car with him, today he's stuck on a shitty film for ds who is 3 and buggered off to lifeboat training despite me asking if he could take him today. I got up from bed once to secure my car keys and he said - you can't be that ill. Grrrr and I'm pregnant. Fed up of this selfish bastard.

OP posts:
keepgettinghurt · 10/05/2015 10:00

Is he always like this?

bakingaddict · 10/05/2015 10:02

If he is selfish then cut your loses. Life's too short to waste on arseholes

AlternativeTentacles · 10/05/2015 10:02

What is the house situation? If he isn't there for you then don't live with him and then you won't have the problem in the first place.

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/05/2015 10:07

Yes we live together and he's pretty selfish all the time, yes.

OP posts:
ilovelamp82 · 10/05/2015 10:07

I'm a very independant self sufficient person and being pregnant and having a baby was the first time in my life where I needed help and support. Unfortunately it really highlighted that my 'd'h wasn't going to be there for me like I needed him to be when the chips are down and really isn't that what a partner is for. He is now my ex.

Is he normally so selfish or is this an isolated incident?

wallypops · 10/05/2015 10:08

Cut your losses. Resentment is a relationship killer that builds and builds.

ilovelamp82 · 10/05/2015 10:09

x post.

Life is too short for you and your dc to spend with someone selfish. It builds resentment. Resentment is a killer in relationship.

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/05/2015 10:10

Ilove I've always been super independent too. This situation had made me realise you can't rely on dp at all. I'm ill and I'm just supposed to keep going. It makes me want to cry Confused

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 10/05/2015 10:11

Is it your house OP?

How easily can you make the break? He will only get worse.

Let him go and live on his boat.

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/05/2015 10:12

It's totally his house. Our ds. We are in the process of buying a joint house together but this is giving me totally cold feet

OP posts:
keepgettinghurt · 10/05/2015 10:14

Does he recognise he is selfish? Would he be willing to change?

AlternativeTentacles · 10/05/2015 10:17

I'd start making plans to move out then.

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/05/2015 10:20

Not that easy tentacles. I work, he doesn't - he could claim he is the main carer for ds ironically. I couldn't bear that.

OP posts:
Original poster
midlifehope · 10/05/2015 10:21

Good question keep. I will ask him

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 10/05/2015 10:36

Is he selfish in other ways?

I think you need to put him straight about a few things!

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/05/2015 12:19

Yes he's a fairly selfish person in general tbh. Always thinks about what's in it for him!

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 10/05/2015 12:53

He doesn't work but is thinking that buying a house jointly with you is a good idea? Get your finances joined with him and and tied to him with a couple of kids in tow and then trying to extricate yourself from it later will be a hundred times harder.

Will you be supporting him with your maternity pay when your child is born and then go straight back to full-time work afterwards or is he independently wealthy?

ALaughAMinute · 10/05/2015 12:59

Nicely put Bitter, I was thinking the same thing.

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/05/2015 13:08

He has some savings from a redundancy payment - he has capital from his house he's putting into the new house

OP posts:
3littlefrogs · 10/05/2015 16:31

OP - please, save your money and find a way to live independently of this man. He will become a selfish millstone round your neck if you don't make the break now. He is using your salary and your savings to get another property, he is using your car when he feels like it, and he is not helping you or looking after his children.

Rebecca2014 · 10/05/2015 17:09

Why did you think it was a good idea to get pregnant again?

SlightlyJaded · 10/05/2015 17:13

OP.

You say he is always selfish
You are feel nervous about buying a house with him

LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS.

Someone who is fundamentally selfish isn't going to change. You might be able to teach him to recognise that he is being selfish in certain situations, and he might occasionally check himself if he ever really gets it. But, it's never going to come naturally.

Can you live with that?

TendonQueen · 10/05/2015 17:18

I see your worry about him claiming to be main carer, but realistically, he doesn't even want to look after his DS today, so how likely would he actually be to push to do it full time? It would only ever be a threat.

How long have you lived together and where did you live before? Is he actually a SAHD or is your DS in childcare?

CharlotteCollins · 10/05/2015 18:10

If you feel buying the house together is not right, you don't have to do it.

Don't go through with it!

Original poster
midlifehope · 10/05/2015 20:16

Rebecca2014 not a helpful comment

OP posts:
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