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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

What do you think !

36 replies

shaniatwain · 30/04/2015 18:34

I met a nice guy from old a few months ago. Emailed lots, spoke on the phone and met. First date went nicely, second date had a lovely meal, third date just as nice... He asked he to stay over on the fourth date which I did. We slept together and all very nice. Then we met again and I stayed with him for a few nights, again all very nice went out for meals, viewed the city etc. so I left his on the Tuesday am and headed off for work!.. I did say I would text him but work was so manic that day i didn't.. What I did expect though was for him to contact me later that day or even the next day..... I heard nothing !! I was briefly upset by this but though hey ho I'm not going to contact him ( been previously burned) !!!! Not by him...'anyway fast forward a month and he texted me totally out of the blue ... Said sorry he has not been in touch ! Been busy with the kids and work !!!!
Reactions please ??

OP posts:

tippytap · 30/04/2015 18:40

Ignore.

He's at a loose end and wants a shag.

Smorgasboard · 30/04/2015 18:53

He started seeing someone else, which hasn't worked out, so he's looking for a plan B

Original poster

shaniatwain · 30/04/2015 18:54

Yes that was my first thought !
Then I thought maybe he was expecting me to contact him ??
Hmm either way to leave it for a month is way too long right ?!!?

OP posts:

ALaughAMinute · 30/04/2015 18:55

So you didn't contact him after you said you would text him? Hmm, sounds to me like he might have thought you had blown him out so didn't bother contacting you. That said, I would expect any man with any kind of substance to at least text you a few days later to see how you are.

Sorry to say but his behaviour would put me off. It he's interested, he's obviously not that interested, or he would have contacted you sooner.

What are you going to do? Are you going to reply to his text?

AnyFucker · 30/04/2015 18:58

err, aren't you the one that said you would contact him and then failed to do so ?

Original poster

shaniatwain · 30/04/2015 19:06

Yes anyfucker that's true !
I was so busy with work that day then I got home and thought wow he hasn't texted me once whereas previously he would have done. I've been badly messed about in the past so I take no prisoners any more..
Am still undecided whether to reply to this text !

OP posts:

AmyElliotDunne · 30/04/2015 19:07

and this is what happens when you play games.

"I was briefly upset by this but though hey ho I'm not going to contact him ( been previously burned)"

One of the first things I told DP when I met him was that I'm not playing games, if I like you I'll text you or call you. No waiting 3 days bollocks or playing hard to get. He was the same.

The fact that both you and he decided to play a game of chicken and see who could hold out the longest doesn't bode well for a happy relationship.

Original poster

shaniatwain · 30/04/2015 19:26

I was certainly not playing games.
Wish you well Amy but it does sound like you were lucky !

OP posts:

CaTsMaMmA · 30/04/2015 19:30

you'd have made time to contact him after the weekend if you wanted to, no one is that busy

Quitelikely · 30/04/2015 19:34

Well you said you would contact him and you didn't bother at all.

Lesson learned I think!

Original poster

shaniatwain · 30/04/2015 19:36

Yes cats that's right but I thought he had dumped me as usually he would text first . Aware this make me sound childish !! But have been messed about by men a lot lately ! So am ultra wary I guess the quandary now is should I reply. I did like him, but then it was only a few dates so I don't actually know him do I ?..

OP posts:

Original poster

shaniatwain · 30/04/2015 19:37

Guess just wanted others opinions and to mull it over a bit.

OP posts:

SassyPasty · 30/04/2015 19:41

As is often said on here - it takes just a few moments to send a text.

'Busy as anything - catch up later x' >>> send

YOU were in the wrong here. Justifying it by saying you'd been burned before is silly and you shouldn't have judged/punished him for the actions of others.

BluddyMoFo · 30/04/2015 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

shaniatwain · 30/04/2015 19:52

Thanks for the replies. He didn't say he would text me but he was talking about meeting up..
Okay think I will send him a text..

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 30/04/2015 20:08

Try actually speaking to him ?

Novel, I know

Zillie77 · 30/04/2015 20:25

I may not understand how dating works these days, but why not just call him and tell him what you told us? Do you worry that asking him what he thinks might make you too vulnerable? When I was dating my husband, we just called each other after dates, no waiting, no calculating...

Zillie77 · 30/04/2015 20:25

No offense intended. I may be totally out of touch.

Ouchbloodyouch · 01/05/2015 08:06

Im another one no longer in the 'I will wait until he texts first' camp. You have got yourself into a right pickle - both of you!

If you text and get no reply after a reasonable amount of time fair enoughski!
Sorry you have been burned (like most of us) but into your next foray into dating just text as if it were a friend. Had it been a friend you would have text when you got home saying sorry work was nuts!

Smorgasboard · 01/05/2015 09:36

No matter how busy in a 24 hour period, if you say you will text you will find 30 secs spare if you like them enough. Seems saving face was a deeper feeling than the ones you had for him. Could it be that you weren't really that into him and it's the silence he maintained for a month that has made you think about him more? I suggest you get more dates under your belt before you 'jump in'. Get to know them first - aids text misunderstandings

diddl · 01/05/2015 09:47

So you didn't text when you said you would.

And then carried on not texting because he didn't text you??

Good grief.

It sounds as if he thought that you had given him the brush off.

If you couldn't be bothered to text him, is there any point in seeing him again?

pompodd · 01/05/2015 10:35

From a man's perspective, I doubt he will be analysing things in the way that you are. He may well be getting in contact with you because he wants a shag (and there's nothing wrong with that if you want it too, of course).

But I do think it's a bit harsh of you to say you will text him, not do it and then be upset with him when he doesn't contact you!

Although I don't actually agree with this (and don't get me started on the whole Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus bullshit) but it's this sort of thing which leads lots of men to say that they just don't understand women.

AuntyMag10 · 01/05/2015 10:44

You didn't contact him, then was too proud to do so afterwards so I guess your 'not wanting to get burned' kind of backfired on you.
He may have equally wondered if you had dumped him after saying you would call.
At least he was the one who eventually called you! Lesson learned here, don't play games.

OneDayWhenIGrowUp · 01/05/2015 10:58

Honestly it sounds like neither of you are really into each other. If you were then you'd have contacted each other before now.

You have played a game OP - you were the one that didn't text when you said you would, as some kind of test to see how long it would take him to text you. After a month, I'd be expecting that he was looking fr a shag too. Not that there's anything wrong with that between consenting adults!

So did you reply?

wannaBe · 01/05/2015 11:06

wtf is this all about the man having to be the one who stays in touch?

Op you said you would contact him and you didn't. Therefore I imagine he figured you were just using him for sex, yeah, women do that too y'know.

I suggest you do some serious growing up before dating again.

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