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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

7 years later he regrets letting me go...

31 replies

mysparkleismissing · 28/04/2015 16:39

... yep it's true!

my ex added me on fb last week and started a conversation.

I don't make a habit of adding exes on there but it wasn't a massive break up and emotional. It was more a fizzle with no lasting emotional damage.

so he gets back in touch and after some digging tells me he regrets letting me go and he was stupid to do so. He still lives a 3 hour drive away which he did then. He said he got cold feet about how to take the next step in our relationship. ie me moving up or him moving down, tho we'd never had that conversation.

my life is very different I am a single mum and don't have that many weekends completely without my son as his dad works shifts.

he also works some weekends.

anyway he's asked to meet up for a drink and suggested Friday - which I can't do. But he is coming down in a couple of weeks, his family live fairly close to me.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself. which I'm very good at doing. A man pays a little bit of attention and im imagining marrying him! (eak) I tend to fall in love very hard and fast.

just wanted to rant away a but really. I'm struggling with depression and low self esteem at the moment, I can't lie his attention and compliments have eased the loneliness and made me smile.

OP posts:
Fudgeface123 · 28/04/2015 16:44

The cynic in me says that he found someone else, that relationship has failed and he's going to try and use you as a go between until something else comes along.

Why were you not good enough for him 7 years ago?

Bogeyface · 28/04/2015 16:55

Sorry but I think Fudge is right.

You are the fall back until he finds somebody else.

7 years and he only now regrets it?! Bollocks. I would be very surprised if you are the only ex he is attempting to re-visit, its even more likely if she dumped him and he wants his ego massaging.

Meet if you want but personally I would be saying thanks but not thanks. How good will your self esteem be if sees you for a few shags and then buggers off again citing "cold feet"? I cant see it doing your depression any good.

Bogeyface · 28/04/2015 16:57

Oh and bear in mind that you only have his word for it that he is still single. A 3 hour drive and "shifts" could actually be code for a 3 hour drive and a live-in partner.

When my husband cheated he did it with an ex who thought he was single and conveniently live 2 hours away and didnt know any of his friends....funny that.

Original poster
mysparkleismissing · 28/04/2015 17:01

So glad I posted!

OP posts:
category1 · 28/04/2015 17:02

I think enjoy it for what it is, a bit of attention and fun. But the reason it never went anywhere before, is still there.

So keep a tight rein on those fantasies and don't rush into sex unless you're going to wake up in the morning and be happy with it just being that and not the start of anything longterm. He might just be looking for a shag and going through his "little black book" or equivalent.

magoria · 28/04/2015 17:02

I agree with the others he is either between women or bored in his current relationship.

Look for someone you have no history with even if it is just some online flirting via a dating site.

Jan45 · 28/04/2015 17:28

Sorry but 7 years and he is regretting, I doubt it, as others have said, he's bored and remembers probably how much you liked him!

pocketsaviour · 28/04/2015 17:49

Think my response would have been
"Well, sucks to be you. Grin Grin Grin"

bjrce · 28/04/2015 17:58

Do yourself a favour, don't go there!

upaladderagain · 28/04/2015 18:01

Everyone's right.

Justmuddlingalong · 28/04/2015 18:01

It took him 7 years to realise this? Don't get sucked in, it's a heartache waiting to happen.

BoozeyTuesday · 28/04/2015 18:06

he is either recently single or soon going to be. He doesn't want to be single so will be trawling through his exes, female friends, Co workers etc and be on dating sites etc, trying to line up his next woman so he isn't alone. Don't fall for it.

tribpot · 28/04/2015 18:08

I agree, this sounds like it could be a fishing expedition, and you may be one of several. Be very careful.

GoatsDoRoam · 28/04/2015 18:08

He's a chancer, after an ego stroke and perhaps a shag.
Don't meet him: you're just going to get hurt and disappointed.

GoStraightGoStraight · 28/04/2015 18:11

Yes I think he's just found himself temporarily at a loose end for a bit and fancies a nostalgic shag to pass the time when he comes to visit his family soon. Sorry.

How long were you with him before and did you have your children then? If the distance and the commitment and the awkard logistics were an issue then, I really don't see how it's going to be any different now. Confused

If you want a short term bit of fun on a FWB basis for old time's sake then by all means go ahead, but go into it with your eyes open and your heart closed. Don't say I didn't warn you.

hedwig2001 · 28/04/2015 18:19

Just a different perpective. My ex got in contact after 8 years. I had moved 2 hours away.

He visited and we hit it off right away. Married 18 months later and are still happily married, 22 years later.

DoorToTheRiver · 28/04/2015 18:28

If you just fancy a drink and a catch up for old times sake then go ahead.

If you want a bit of fun and attention for a while and can handle the possibility it will just be sex for as long as it suits him then go and enjoy yourself.

But you state you fall in love quickly and are already fantasising how it might turn out with him. If you do meet up just be careful because you could end up damaging your self esteem further if you end up wanting more out of it than he does.

He could be genuine about regretting letting you go or, as others have said, he could be fishing in his little black book. If you do stay in contact just tread very carefully until you know if he is genuine or not.

PlumpingThePartTimeMother · 28/04/2015 18:30

Nooo, don't do it, they are all correct

AnyFucker · 28/04/2015 18:51

He is short of a shag and thinks you are desperate enough to fall for a bit of soft soap

StaceyAndTracey · 28/04/2015 19:05

If you want to check if he wants a quick shag OR he's genuinely regretting your relationship ending -

Tell him you can only meet him for a quick drink / meal, then you have to get back home eg by 11pm because your mum/ friend is babysitting . In other words, there is no chance of going back to yours . And there's no chance of going back to his if he's staying with his family

If this was one of your child free nights, tell him that your childs dad is working now so you got a babysitter .

If it's just your friendship he wants, it won't make any difference .

quietasamouse · 28/04/2015 19:23

Take the time to focus on you, and helping yourself through the depression and low esteem. That is the most important and will make you happiest in the end.

Ignore him. You don't need the complication at the moment. The time's just not right.

Coyoacan · 28/04/2015 19:34

I tend to fall in love very hard and fast

I am the same and I'm afraid my solution once I was a single mother was to drop out of the dating game, because I did not want my child to go through watching me on my highs and lows.

I'm not suggesting that for you, but do try to put a break on your emotions now you have a child.

winkywinkola · 28/04/2015 19:52

Too little too late.

Even if you haven't moved on, he should think you have.

Seven years later is just ridiculous.

lavenderhoney · 28/04/2015 19:52

Chat on the phone, meet for coffee, be busy. Don't drop everything ( including knickers) for him on a visit. What a co incidence he's coming down.

Think how you will feel the morning after if you have handed him back all the power and waiting for him to call.

Cantbelievethisishappening · 28/04/2015 19:53

People change. People make mistakes in r'ships.... god knows I have made a few. I binned my now DH because I panicked.

That said, ask to be FB friends.... if he says no then he is probably trying to hide something.