Does anyone else's DH make decisions/big purchases without you

[lovedoughnuts]

Just what the title says really.
My H has just purchased something big and expensive (to us) for the garden.
I would have liked to have had some say in the purchase, I.e. The model/cost/timing of delivery, but he's just gone ahead & done the whole lot on his own.
This sort of thing has happened before.
I've just told him that I'm pissed off that he's done it again, without there being two ticks in the box, as it were.
Am I being unreasonable?

If it's a joint expense we decide together, anything else is up to whoever is buying it (but will normally consult the other for opinion anyway)

I think regardless of the size of the purchase, if you requested to speak about these things and he disregarded your feelings then he is definitely unreasonable.

Yes, in the olden days. No, not now. I made it VERY clear that household purchases were a joint decision.

Personal purchases from our own money are not up for discussion but we do like to talk about things that interest us.

Not really. We usually talk about big purchases though he does have a tendency to go off and get small gadgets without telling me!

I would be annoyed if he made a decision on something big without consulting me.

Yes. He bought an expensive coffee machine without consulting me - we'd often talked about getting a bean-to-cup one and a thought it was a 'when we're loaded in the mythical future' thing and then one turned up as "my" Christmas present. And I couldn't say anything coz he'd bought it out of personal savings :( I'm with you OP I hate big purchases being made without me

Yes, when it's his money. He earns it, he doesn't need to get my permission or approval to spend it. Ditto the reverse. I spend my money without discussing it with him.

He'd never buy something without discussion with my money or any joint funds.

It's not down to anyone else to consider you reasonable or unreasonable. It's all about how the decision affects you, if it was your money, and if it was an affordable expense.

Nope, all money is joint, big expensives are discussed, if he's out and see something he'll ring me, and vise versa. I won't buy something big without mentioning to him. Christmas and birthdays are different as most people buy him vouchers it's up to him what he gets.

Well, this item is something we've been discussing together, but hadn't come to a final decision. Then, on Friday, we were lying in bed, and he just said "I've ordered it".
So basically I had no input on the final choice.
It's for the garden (which is fairly small), and it's quite big, so I'll be looking at it pretty much every day. I feel that it's not just his choice to make, as it's a joint thing.

My ex bought a house without discussing it with me. Just told me we were moving in three weeks and did I want to go and see it

Omg thenextday! Is that why he's now an ex?

Normally joint. He did have to persuade me into getting a HUGE TV though. And he left it a few days before telling me he'd bought a WW2 machine gun. That's for him though, not a joint thing - although he's wanting it displayed above the fireplace..

Have you told him you are upset?
Does he understand why his action has upset you?

I would tell him if it had upset me, to make sure he didn't do it again.

We discuss most large purchases, even the things the other isn't really interested in.
Smaller things we buy when required, but can't say as it bothers either of us really. I wouldn't be upset and neither would he, but we don't see the need for his/her money its just joint money or for the family.

bullinthesea yes the controlling behaviour carried on.....

Normally if it's something for the house then we'll decide together but sometimes we just purchase stuff if we feel the other person is more the expert in that area. I often just go ahead and buy kitchen appliances that I desire and he buys apple TV and gizmos like that. I'd say under £200 we don't really bother to consult each other, over that amount we'd discuss and decide together

DH popped out to get some bread and came back with a Land Rover. We had a little chat about that.

DH and I are fairly relaxed about big purchases really, we don't have a set amount that we'll ask each other about before buying. We have joint money but it's in separate accounts, so we don't need to check how much each other is spending. In practice we tend to discuss big household items, just to work out what model/style we want, but neither of us are bothered if the other buys expensive things for themselves and there's rarely much discussion about that. DH has bought large items for the home without asking me and I've been a bit about it (for his taste), but not really got upset.

no we don't always consult for big purchases. I bought my car without consulting him and he done the same with his car. if its something for the house then yes we speak about it together.

Yes, we always discuss big things. All our money is joint so apart from taking out the occasional tenner, we tend to discuss everything. Although DH sometimes uses skybet and can get carried away with betting £10 here and £20 there, which I absolutely hate. I'm quite laid back about most things but I absolutely cannot stand him using those betting apps. And he knows it. There have been words previously and he has promised to stop...

The costliest item DH has bought without conferring was a television. That was a one-off. He and DS "went to look" and got carried away. When it comes to things in our home I think it's fair to discuss beforehand. He knows that I could care less about techy details with some items but we usually agree a budget.

Yes, we always discuss it if it's say around or above 200 pounds, not just for agreement, but he also genuinely wants my opinion too. I would be very upset if he bought sth so large for the garden without both of us agreeing on it first. What did he say when you told him you were upset?

Most things discussed, but some items just purchased without much or any consultation. Most things can be returned so we know if the other hated it we could send it back. Think it depends on family finances and how much of a stretch any spend is.

No. But I do.

DH will never buy anything. I mean genuinely nothing. He'll do intensive research into models, prices, best place to buy from, user reviews etc. etc. And then do nothing.

So I do end up making decisions & ordering things on my own. Although, thinking about it, by that point he will have gone on and on about told me which his research shows to be the best product/deal. So although not making the final decision he does have a significant input.

Hs response was "I'm just getting things done", which doesn't help really - he could have waited a couple of hours until he got home from work, so that we could both agree on that option, before going ahead.

He has a bee in his bonnet about 'getting things done' (he has OCD) which really grates on me sometimes, as if his need to 'get things done' is more important than recognising that our house belongs to both of us - not just him.

He did agree that he'd be equally annoyed if I had done the same thing to him though (although I wouldn't even dare to buy a cushion for the lounge without him giving it the ok)