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Original poster

I've got HPV?? Is this a result of my husband's affair?

41 replies

mrscraig · 25/03/2015 16:55

I feel sick writing this.
Nearly two years ago I found out my husband was having an affair with a much younger colleague. I was devastated and heart broken, to put it mildly.
The last two years have been a roller coaster of revelations, unravelling lies and me constantly having doubts about whether or not I want a future with him. The bottom line is that I love him, truly love him and that has kept me from making the final break. And the effect it would have on my two dd's.
Anyway, this afternoon, I received a letter with the results from a recent smear to say 'there is evidence of HPV infection'.
I am reeling. I've googled and there is conflicting advice. All I know is despite one smear which I had about 18 years ago, they have always come back clear.
I feel ill that this could be a result of his affair ...or not..

OP posts:
magoria · 25/03/2015 16:59

I don't know the ins and outs. So feel free to ignore the following.

However I would assume that this is directly linked to your H's actions.

Did you or he have any STI tests after?

If not it may be wise to do so now incase you have something else without symptoms.

Sorry this has happened it must have dragged up all the hurt again.

Clarabumps · 25/03/2015 17:01

It would seem like it. I'm not up to speed on the details the ways you can get HPV but I'm sure someone who knows a lot more will be along in a minute. Have a hand to hold until they get here.
Any doctors anywhere on MN just now?

ginmakesitallok · 25/03/2015 17:01

Unless you were both virgins and have never slept with anyone else then you really can't say it was down to his affair. HPV can lure dormant for years

Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 17:05

I went to the local GUM clinic about 7 months after finding out. I did not receive any results - they operate a no news is good news policy.
I have only had 2 sexual partners. My first boyfriend was a virgin too. My husband on the other hand has obviously had a lot more partners than me.
I feel sick and shaky. Just when I think I can finally move on the shit keeps coming.

OP posts:
InfinitySeven · 25/03/2015 17:05

It's a difficult one...HPV is something that can lie dormant, so theoretically, you could have had it and it's only just been detected.

It is statistically more likely that your husband passed it on, though.

At the moment, I would try to put that to the back of your mind and take the steps that you need too to treat the infection. I would also see if there is any possibility of getting some counselling. While you say you love your husband and don't want to leave, and that is completely your decision to make, your pain is palpable. You may need to consider what happens if you can't heal from this.

TheAwfulDaughter · 25/03/2015 17:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 17:12

Thank you for your replies. I understand that no one on here can give a definitive yes or no answer but it helps to write it down.
I have had counselling- both couples and individual. Our marriage has been picked apart and, at times, I feel we have a future but there is always an element of doubt and worry that trust (or lack of it) will always be an issue.
Reading info on HPV on the internet there is conflicting advice that it is/is not sexually transmitted. I understand that it is incredibly common but if I have it as a result of what he's done....I feel grubby and soiled.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 17:13

Yes it's my first smear in three years.
So first since d day.

OP posts:
grumbleina · 25/03/2015 17:23

It's possible that it wasn't your husband.

However, if it was me, I would consider this one of the many indirect consequences of an affair. It might not be your husband. But it might. And if he hadn't had the affair, you wouldn't be wondering. So whether or not it was him, the turmoil you're feeling about it is still his fault. It's things like this that really get to me about affairs, to be honest. You can try to repair the damage but it has a way of coming back in so many unexpected areas and forms.

Anyway, I don't think you'd be unreasonable to go through these feelings with your husband. If he wants to fix it, he needs to be there every step of the way.

DayLillie · 25/03/2015 17:24

www.womens-health-concern.org/help/factsheets/fs_hpv.html

Bizarrely, I have just been reading this!

Hope it is helpful.

HPV is a really common infection and in the vast huge majority of cases does not lead to any cervical changes, so if you carry on having your smears, like you would have done anyway, it should be fine.

I think it just confirms he had an affair, which you knew, but it is annoying too. Sad

It was probably not picked up when you were screened as I don't think it has been tested for. It is a fairly new thing where they are doing HPV screening with smear tests. www.cancerscreening.nhs.uk/cervical/hpv.html

inlectorecumbit · 25/03/2015 17:27

If your first partner was a virgin too you couldn't have caught it from him. So you have got it from your DH but as it can lie dormant l would say you can't be sure when he passed it on years or months ago.
That's my take on it anyway--l may be wrong

Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 17:29

We have been together for 18 years - can it really be dormant that long?
Thank you for the link, will read when I have a minute.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 17:36

The letter also states that I will receive an appointment for a colposcopy in the next 14 days. I think I might book a doctors appointment in the meantime to get some advice. My doctor had been really supportive, so it might stop me spiralling to talk to her.

OP posts:
MiddleAgedandConfused · 25/03/2015 17:49

If your first partner was also a virgin, then it has to have come from hubby at some time. If you have smear regulatory they may have tested for HPV last time - can you ask for the results from that test?

Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 18:00

I suppose I could ask. I am so fed up and utterly tired though with making 'discoveries'. I think this is yet another one.

OP posts:
MaMaof04 · 25/03/2015 18:05

Oh Dear!
My H had an affair so I know the kind of hell you went through and how it is coming back to haunt you again.
Is the affair directly responsible for the infection? Annoying question. I am not sure you can get a definitive answer.
You said in your OP that there was something in a smear you did 18 years ago- when you just start going out with your hubby (if my understanding is correct). What was that? Maybe you can ask your doctor to look at the results of all your past smears?
I am really sorry you have to go through all of this again!
I hope things will be better for you! (Does he support you?)

Georgina1975 · 25/03/2015 18:15

HPV positive here. And I have had two negative tests from swabs (it is really hard to detect). Believe me - there is NO mistaking my symptoms.

I have had 2 sexual partners. I have good reason to believe it came from second (and present) partner. We have been together 15+ years and I became symptomatic 3 years in. Neither of us has been unfaithful. DP has never presented discernible symptoms.

It might well be the affair. But I just wanted you to know that HPV can be very complicated.

Chunderella · 25/03/2015 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 18:17

Yes that's right. I had some abnormal cells zapped.
Yes he is supportive and desperate for our marriage to work. But still things seem so up and down. We have had some really tough times. I worry that it will be always be skulking and lurking in the background.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 18:19

I can't help feeling grubby. I know how common it is. But it's almost like she's tainted me. God that sounds dramatic doesn't it.

OP posts:
Lovingfreedom · 25/03/2015 18:27

Feel for you. My ex contracted genital warts about 5 years into our relationship and BLAMED ME! I've not had them and have only had clear smears thankfully. I found out years later that he was repeatedly cheating so I guess he picked them up from one of his encounters. Hope you get sorted and sounds like you need to stop 'really loving' someone who treats you like crap.

Original poster
mrscraig · 25/03/2015 19:05

I hope I can get this resolved sooner rather than later.
Thank you for the replies.

OP posts:
honeycrest · 25/03/2015 19:48

Georgina what symptoms do you mean? I also found out last year that I have HPV, after a smear test (my first one) and otherwise I would have had no clue. I thought that the type associated with cervical changes had no symptoms?

OP there's no way to know when it was passed on to you. If your only other sexual partner was a virgin then it must have come from your husband but he could have had it for years since before you met. It doesn't show up on a standard STD test and, as far as I was aware, they haven't always tested for it during smears so it could have been missed previously.

I am in the same situation as you, only two sexual partners and it could only have been passed to me by my husband. As far as I know there has been no affair.

Hope the colposcopy goes ok Flowers

Georgina1975 · 25/03/2015 20:14

This may be TMI for some

honey I don't know what type I have. Could be Herpes simplex 1 or 2.

It starts with pain down the back of my buttock/leg. I get an itchy area (most often one particular site of vulva) and this is where the blister(s) will appear (the are minuscule). Clears up within 3-7 days depending on severity.

I have noticed that I feel really low day or two before the pain starts. I wonder if this is related to my body trying to suppress the virus.

My triggers are stress and my period. I have between 1-5 symptomatic episodes a year.

Mrscraig I can empathise. I don't have the complications of your situation, yet I still feel very very angry at my DP during an episode. It all feels grossly unfair - I think "bloody hell I've only ever had sex with two people" (even though I realise that is not relevant). I hope you get some answers.

The Herpes Virus Association is helpful www.herpes.org.uk/aboutus.html

FireCanal · 25/03/2015 20:20

HPV isn't herpes simplex. Entirely different virus families.