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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Ex and police coming tomorrow to collect his things.

38 replies

FreeSpirit89 · 25/01/2015 20:26

Thank you for all the support on my previous thread last week where my then partner threatened me with a glass and was removed permanently by police.

We have an appointment tomorrow for him to collect his things with police present. He's under the illusion that because I've kicked him out all the things in the flat that were bought during our time together, are his too take.

Most of the items were bought on his card, however I had a low income of 200a month. He earned 1500 monthly.

I am Concerned about where I stand, he's taking the bed because it was his before he moved in leaving me a single mattress on the floor.

During emails I have tried to broach the subject of splitting things evenly but he refuses to respond to the question.

I'm scared tomorrow I will have no furniture left at all, I have packed all of his personal belongings ready for him to take. advice would be appriacted.

It may be worth mentioning my DS isn't his, he lived here for a year.

OP posts:

Quitelikely · 25/01/2015 20:36

Can I suggest that you do a search on Gumtree for the items if his that he will be taking? This might not be ideal for you but you can get good quality household items on there for very reasonable prices that will definitely last you in the short term.

IMO if he bought it I would let him take it. If you try to dispute who owns what the police would say that was a civil matter.

Best to just get him out if your life once and for all.

Original poster

FreeSpirit89 · 25/01/2015 20:38

That's what I'm hoping but these are items I can't afford to replace ATM. I'm living on 20 a week until housing benefit and income support starts x

OP posts:

Hassled · 25/01/2015 20:39

Yes - what QuiteLikely said. It's not fair, and it will be a hassle for you to replace stuff, but much less hassle than endless negotiating. Just get him out of your life asap - and sign up to Freecycle.

Twinklestein · 25/01/2015 20:41

If you aren't married splitting things evenly doesn't apply.

If you contributed to the cost of items then you have some claim on them, but if they were all bought on his card you're going to have a difficult time proving that.

Did you live there before he moved in? Presumably you had some furniture of your own?

LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 25/01/2015 20:48

I don't think he can take items which were purchased while you were together, it may be worth posting in legal to double check.

ImperialBlether · 25/01/2015 20:51

Did he move in with you? What stuff did you have then? Will your son's room be affected?

Original poster

FreeSpirit89 · 25/01/2015 20:53

He moved in with me. I had some stuff but he didn't like it so we sold it and purchased more.

My sons room, I don't know he will no engage with me about that.

OP posts:

bloodyteenagers · 25/01/2015 20:54

So he bought everything?
Unless the law has changed when I left an ex, I had paid for a lot of things, that I had evidence for and i took it all along with my personal possessions. He was adviced to take it to court but from their point of view I had paid for them.
I understood what he was saying about having nothing. But I had paid alreadt and there was no way was I shelling out again.

RunLiftRunLiftRepeat · 25/01/2015 20:54

Is he coming with a removal van or a car?

There will probably be local charities who will help you get some emergency furniture.

scarletforya · 25/01/2015 20:54

Let him have it all. Better to sleep on a mattress on the floor than a bed he owns!

Cut all ties, it's the best thing you can do!

You can get things on freecycle etc

AmantesSuntAmentes · 25/01/2015 21:01

Anything he brought with him, is his. Anything he bought, is his. As pp said, unmarried and at just a year living together, I doubt you'd have a claim to his purchases.

The fact you'll be left without is really neither here nor there and doesn't affect your right (or lack of) to claim his furniture.

I've had very little in the past and quite honestly, managed on a mattress on the floor for years. No sofa, no table and chairs, etc. It's do-able.

Once your IS comes through, you will probably find used furniture facilities near to you, which provide good furniture to people on benefits at very low cost most areas have them now.

CitySnicker · 25/01/2015 21:17

Did the money you got from selling your old furniture go towards buying the new furniture?

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 25/01/2015 21:20

I'm sorry to hear that you will be stuck for furniture. Do you know anyone with a van who would help you pick things up from freecycle?
This is a bit of a harsh lesson about not becoming beholden to a man and retaining control over your and your child's home.

elfycat · 25/01/2015 21:30

If you have any valuables - so jewellery etc that he's bought you I'd get those out and hidden before he can claim them. Secondhand doesn't sell for much but I've paid a few grocery bills out of unwanted gold. They would have been gifts to you, and so yours, but still get them gone.

If you sold old furniture to buy new then claim half of the replacement furniture. Pick the most essential to you. I've lived without sofas, on a mattress on the floor. Retire your living room for now. In a couple of months it will have been worth it to be rid of him.

Freecycle initially. Find a good charity shop that does a good return on value/quality. See if friends/family have a garage full of stuff that they could declutter (though make sure you select only what you want and aren't used as an excuse to dump rubbish).

GettingFiggyWithIt · 25/01/2015 21:31

I would let him take what he bought excluding all stuff belonging to your ds and your oven and fridge. The money from what was sold that was originally yours can cover the aforesaid items. Does he have proof of purchase? If receipts or on card then yes, if cash then probably not. I certainly haven't kept receipts for purchases over the last year. But that's by the by, even though it seems unfair as he didn't like your stuff, he is legally the rightful owner and so, if you take it from the standpoint of him clearing you out, then anything left will be a bonus. New start, clean sweep, freecycle. Plus the police being there might concentrate his mind a bit to leave your ds room alone and you with cooking tools. Here's hoping. Xxx

Cabrinha · 25/01/2015 21:32

Do you have a rough memory of what you got for your stuff, and what he paid for the new stuff?

Much as he is an arsehole so it pains me to say this, he bought it, so it's his. Doesn't matter than you earned less. But - you also contributed.

So I'd work out something like:

I sold my xyz for £70
you paid £300 for xyz
you owe me £70
the table and chairs were £70, so I'll keep those and you take the rest

Have the amounts written on a piece of paper. I've no experience of this but I rather suspect the accompanying PC will say "that sounds reasonable (you arsehole!) so why don't you just do that?"
I think he's less likely to kick off under police eyes. Just be very clearly what you contributed from the sale of your stuff.

Don't panic though, you can get furniture from freecycle and charities, and there's very little you actually NEED.

ImperialBlether · 25/01/2015 22:35

It's just not on that he can come to your house (a year ago), sell all your things and then leave you with nothing.

I wouldn't let go of anything that your son uses. I would keep the bed, at least.

What exactly was replaced?

Original poster

FreeSpirit89 · 25/01/2015 23:10

Chest of draws. Bedside cabinets, my bed was sold because he wanted to bring his,

the washing machine broke. So was replaced via his credit card (which had been cleared)

I'm scared.

OP posts:

AmantesSuntAmentes · 25/01/2015 23:16

What are you scared of? I can imagine having to see him may be stressful for you? Can you arrange to have someone there with you?

Original poster

FreeSpirit89 · 25/01/2015 23:19

I know how he can be, I'm just scared that he will make me out to be crazy like he has done.

I will ask my dad

OP posts:

Cabrinha · 25/01/2015 23:20

You don't need chest of drawers, beside cabinets or even a bed, just a mattress.

As I said, total up what you sold your stuff for, and balance that against anything you need. Forget furniture, go for the washing machine.

AmantesSuntAmentes · 25/01/2015 23:35

Well, you aren't crazy! Please do have someone there with you. You shouldn't have to face him alone. I know the police will be there but you deserve the support of a friend or relative.

I honestly would encourage you to just get him and his stuff out of your life. At one point, I had to leave everything, including my (owned) house. As I said before, I had a mattress on the floor, no sofa, no table and chairs, etc. I also washed laundry for five, by hand and cooked on a camping stove!

It was absolutely worth it, to be free. In fact, it was a small price to pay, to my mind. I felt i had won and all he was left with was materialistic crap!

Tomorrow will be tough but it is the beginning of a fresh, new start. Try to stay positive

NiceCupOfTeaAndALittleSitDown · 25/01/2015 23:46

Speak to your local council. Our council have a community project where people on low income can buy donated items for a discounted rate. I hope tomorrow goes as well as it can .

May09Bump · 25/01/2015 23:57

Try freecycle too for furniture, you can replace it slowly.

Hopefully it will be sorted tomorrow - a fresh start. I'd go for the washing machine and your DS's furniture if you can.

Minimens · 26/01/2015 00:07

Are you legally married? I know you said you were on low income but if he bought most of the furniture then maybe just let him take the things he bought...
I know its easy to just type and post but i was thinking, if you're not married and you've not got children together its a case of him leaving for good d you starting afresh.
Then when your benefits come in etc you will (re)make your home bit by bit.

It's doable don't let him put you down about furniture...you will figure things out Xx

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