Ex and police coming tomorrow to collect his things.

[FreeSpirit89]

Thank you for all the support on my previous thread last week where my then partner threatened me with a glass and was removed permanently by police.

We have an appointment tomorrow for him to collect his things with police present. He's under the illusion that because I've kicked him out all the things in the flat that were bought during our time together, are his too take.

Most of the items were bought on his card, however I had a low income of 200a month. He earned 1500 monthly.

I am Concerned about where I stand, he's taking the bed because it was his before he moved in leaving me a single mattress on the floor.

During emails I have tried to broach the subject of splitting things evenly but he refuses to respond to the question.

I'm scared tomorrow I will have no furniture left at all, I have packed all of his personal belongings ready for him to take. advice would be appriacted.

It may be worth mentioning my DS isn't his, he lived here for a year.

Let him have it all and shut the door on the way out. Its not worth the hassle. Start afresh. There are charities that will help you and it will all be yours then.
Best you don't give him any reason for contacting you and feuding over it all.

FreeSpirit89,

The police aren't coming to make sure he can take what he likes. He takes his clothes and personal shit. Isn't the stuff he bought for you both half yours?

I left my son's father when my son was 3. I left with just our clothes. I needed to be out and I needed to feel safe. That was paramount.

I had nothing but people donated some things to me and I was okay, it was all okay.

If you have a home where you can close your door and feel safe, that is what matters.

I understand that you are scared, you do need your Dad there, let him follow him round so you don't have to do it. Once your ex is gone, close your door and really start your new life.

Your IS will come through, you will build up your belongings and they will be yours and nobody can take them away again.

Chest of drawers, cabinets and washing machine - anything else?

How much did you sell your bed for? The washing machine is now second hand and he's had use out of it so it's not worth what he paid for it. Set a value on the washing machine, second hand, by comparing it with similar on eBay, then deduct whatever you sold your bed for, and tell him you will pay him back whatever is left over. Do not let him take the washing machine. He will have a job taking it anyway! Especially if you make a fuss. Put stuff in the way so he can't get it out even if he tries.

Definitely have your dad there.
You'll be ok. Are you on your local facebook buying & selling groups + freecycle. Once he's gone, breathe a sigh of relief, thank God that the ex and all his stuff is out of your life, have a cup of tea and then post some online appeals for what ever basics you can't live without. It won't take long before you have what you need.

I agree that the police are surely there to allow him to take personal effects, not walk out with all of your furniture.

Saying that, if I knew they were things he'd purchased, I'd let him take furniture. Hell, I'd let him take the odd bit of furniture I knew he hadn't bought.

Stay calm, dignified and strong. Keep away from him.

I agree with a PP.... in principle it is better to be left with a totally empty flat than to be beholden to him for so much as a toothbrush. In practice, I don't think the police are going to let him walk out with a washing machine if he's only supposed to be there for personal effects.

I don't think 'belongings' just means personal effects. It does mean the stuff he owns. In law, if he bought it, he owns it.

With the police there at least it should stay nice and calm. You can try to negotiate with him. I'd also get the proof of sale of your items and the value and state that this was put towards the purchases, total amount contributed was £x. And pick what you want to keep that cost £x. I don't think it would stand up in court but it might work with police there and everyone trying to be 'reasonable'.

Was anything bought for you as a gift? He cannot claim those back, gifts are a permanent transfer.

There's worse things than having an emptyish flat. You'll manage. You can try to get help from a charity. You could get in touch with Women's Aid, and some areas have a furniture recycling centre for people in hardship. Freecycle. Buy bits second hand as and when you can.

I know how you feel about being left with next to nothing. I've been there too, as a child and an adult.

Once you are truly rid of him the sense of relief will be immense and the "stuff" won't matter. Just let him take the stuff, then he has no reason to contact you, and block all forms of communication. You can rebuild your home bit by bit as already suggested. Do the Freedom programme as suggested up thread and start enjoying your life.

It went reasonably well. Two female officers turnt up to begin with, he removed his personal items that I had already packed. He then tried to take everything I mean everything. The duvet covers, pillows, shelves, even cleared the toilet paper out of the bathroom.

The female officers weren't much help, they said if he bought it. He can take it.

Eventually there Sargent turnt up, who told him he wasn't to take anything from my sons room, and told him he wasn't removing the washing machine.

He got a bit aggressive in the end, made a few remarks about me being a mental case.

I throw him out in the end, didn't solve the problem. But the officer is happy for the items to stay here until I can seek legal advice from the CAB because while he agrees that legally he can take it. Morally he shouldn't take it all.

Even if it only buys me a few extra weeks to get things replaced that's something.

Thanks for your support x

Did the police officers not require proof of purchase (of the toilet paper )?

I think you're well-rid OP, he doesn't sound like the kind of person you would want in your life.

Honestly, belongings can be replaced - peace of mind and sanity can't.

Please don't ignore so many posters' advice about the cash received for the items of yours that were sold to make room for his/new stuff. He does not have the right to benefit from the proceeds of those and then walk out leaving you needing to replace them from your own pocket.