Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Too much food on my plate!

42 replies

Azzak · 04/12/2014 21:54

DH does all the cooking. I've asked a few times not to put too much food on my plate... I prefer smaller sized portions and to go back for more if I'm still hungry. A comment I made last night about feeling too full after eating yet another massive meal led to big row.

DH insists I just don't eat what I don't want and leave the rest. Which then gets binned. If it's on the plate I tend to try finish the whole plate. In the past I've never had problems in managin my weight cos I used to run and cylcle and gym but Im really struggling at the moment and the feeling of being too full every evening is very ugh

He says all he wants to do is to please me.

Am I being unreasonable to ask for smaller portion to be served?

OP posts:

Norest · 04/12/2014 21:57

Get up. Take your plate to the kitchen. Remove the food you don't want.

Eat the portion size that suits you.

Or you know, serve your own food onto your plate.

luckiestgirlintheworld · 04/12/2014 21:58

Is this a joke?

lemisscared · 04/12/2014 22:03

dish up your own dinner?

Joysmum · 04/12/2014 22:16

I'd tell him that what pleases you isn't the same as what pleases him.

I'd do as Norest suggested. Every time, take the plate out to the kitchen and leave the portion that's appropriate on your plate.

If you do that each time he should stop being such a feeder.

When I lost my weight, I swapped to a smaller plate that could be over loaded and had a measure for rice etc to help me learn my new portions. Maybe thus would help your DH ?

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut · 04/12/2014 22:24

What Norest said.

Onlly I'd dump it on his plate. If he complains, say all you want to do is please him.

gamerchick · 04/12/2014 22:30

Why are you eating it?

The husband doesn't plate up my food much now because I can't eat a large portion. He wouldn't and isn't offended by me plating my own. Just plate your own or scrape off what you don't want for another day.

It's bizarre to eat until you feel full up just because somebody else dished up your portion.

HadleyHemingway · 04/12/2014 22:46

Have you considered not eating it all and leaving some??

AnyFucker · 04/12/2014 22:53

is he a feeder ?

does he force it down your throat ?

stop being silly and just eat the food you want

Millli · 04/12/2014 22:56

Your DH has said eat what you want and leave the rest. That's normal isn't it? He doesn't know how hungry you will be .

TinyWishes · 04/12/2014 23:05

When you are full take plate to kitchen and put in Tupperware for lunch the next day.

SnookyPooky · 05/12/2014 07:29

My husband does this and it has caused many a row. I take off what I don't want and go back for seconds after if I'm still hungry.
He is definitely not a feeder, just thoughtless about portions.
The amount he gives me is sometimes ridiculous. He is getting better though.

Meirasa · 05/12/2014 08:01

Azzak take responsibility for what you eat. You chose to clear the plate- seriously no one is forcing you to finish a plate of food and then complain about being overfull. So he's over generous, how lucky are you that he cooks and serves?

FunkyBoldRibena · 05/12/2014 08:27

how lucky are you that he cooks and serves?

I'm presuming that the OP does do her share of the chores! It isn't luck that he cooks, it is a fair division of chores.

OP - my OH always plates up twice what I want when he cooks. I leave half, and put it in the fridge for breakfast or lunch the next day. It always tastes nicer the next day anyway...

GooodMythicalMorning · 05/12/2014 08:32

Just leave some! I always give dh loads as I don't know how much he'll want knowing he can leave some of it. It's not a big thing really

peggyundercrackers · 05/12/2014 08:43

why do you try to eat all the food on the plate if you know its too much? this is nothing to do with your DHs behaviour...

Meirasa · 05/12/2014 08:47

FunkyBoldRibena- I'm presuming that the OP does do her share of the chores! It isn't luck that he cooks, it is a fair division of chores.

TBH If someone showed me so little gratitude about the way I fulfilled my share of the chores I would tell them to do it themselves if they can do better. That's why I think she's lucky, not because he's doing it at all but because he's still doing it despite her acting like an incapable complaining child.

EssexMummy123 · 05/12/2014 08:53

Use a smaller plate?

Goingintohibernation · 05/12/2014 08:57

My DH does the same, just eat until you are full, then stop. Or as someone else said, take over dishing up your own food. Maybe you could suggest to your DH that he puts the food in the middle of the table so you can each serve yourselves if that would prevent arguments?

loveareadingthanks · 05/12/2014 09:15

DP tends to give me too much as well, and unfortunately he grew up in a 'clear your plate' household so if I didn't finish everything he'd think I didn't like the food and feel hurt. He couldn't understand that as a man, and one with a job that involves quite physical stuff, he needs more food than me as a woman with a sedentary office job. If I eat as much as him, I'll put on a lot of weight. It's taken me a couple of years to get him over that and to understand that when I eat less than him, I'm not dieting, I'm not trying to be all feminine and impress him (he's had a girlfriend in the past who'd pick and fuss for effect) I'm enjoying my food, just eating what is normal for me.

So many of us attach emotions to food. You are another 'must clear the plate' person. Why? Take responsibility for how much you eat. Had enough? Stop. He is a person who also attaches emotions to food - he sees it as a way of caring for you and a nice thing to do to give you a loaded plate. He needs to see that he is pleasing himself with this, not you at all.

On the practical side, we now have two different size plates from the same set. He tends to eat from the larger ones, I tend to eat from the smaller ones. That way we both have a 'plate-full' but different amounts. Sometimes I'll plate my own food up when he's cooked, or I'll go into kitchen when he is plating up and tell him how much I want. But he's learned to lay off with the portions by himself.

I also stop eating when I've had enough. He's learned to do that as well, which is obviously better for your health and comfort. Part of this was not wanting to waste food in the bin. Well, it's wasted just as much if you've had to force yourself to eat, haven't enjoyed it, feel uncomfortably full and ruined your meal, and it's just turning into fat you don't want. That's even more of a waste. Is this how you feel about food you leave behind?

jasper · 05/12/2014 09:42

OP I sympathise greatly , and I get it!
just keep telling him.He should get the message eventually.
sounds like he needs to actually prepare less food. Food waste is a terrible thing.

CheersMedea · 05/12/2014 11:07

In our house we put the food into serving dishes and help ourselves - so a big bowl of salad with serving spoons etc.

Can you try to move to this system?

It does have a cost advantage because it means that left over food is "uncontaminated" as it were because it's in serving dishes and easy to put in the fridge and keep for re-heating/re-use.

If you want to wind him up, tell him plated up food served not in a restaurant is lower class and very common!!! (Beans and sausages slopped onto plate).

Jan45 · 05/12/2014 17:26

Do your own plate, seriously, don't let him do it if he can't stop himself from heaving on too much food, let him get fat, you don't have to, my ex used to do this, I've since lost half a stone now he's gone.

Jan45 · 05/12/2014 17:28

how lucky are you that he cooks and serves?

Really....

TheCowThatLaughs · 05/12/2014 17:48

It sounds like he's try to make you eat more than you want/need and then gets angry with you when you object? Doesn't sound good to me. And he tries to dress it up as wanting to please you?
Sounds a bit like a feeder and a gaslighter to me!

Frogisatwat · 05/12/2014 17:48

Surely this is a wind up?

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread